Hi to all my fellow poets, your thoughts please?

Question

Forgiving eyes.

Hard and black his hands are grasping,

A throat now bound and bruised no air,

Pushing inward with force no direction,

An outside look of emapathy all fair.

Rubbing and tired against flesh now pink,

Blood rising to cool and heated skin,

Raw and imbalanced thighs for standing,

A frail body once plump now thin.

Release and pity flow as one,

The eyes lock in fear and near an end,

Away and falling deep and hard,

A look of sorrow from a fearful husband.

Answer 1

I liked the emotion and sense of fear and detachment and perhaps love.  The second stanza though to me needs work.  On line 2 of that, is it "the" instead of and?  If you were using the frail body as an attempt to imply illness and mercy killing, it needs more set up in my opinion as it just seems to be inserted as an afterthought as I read.

Answer 2

I felt like you wrote that in a coffee shop.

Sort of empty feeling.

Answer 3

That scared me. I don't know quite how to describe it. It felt like there was something missing.

Read my poem?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 4

wow. full of emotion..

this is the story I got out of it:

the husband beats on the woman, choking her, possibly raping her, she tries to fight but eventually gives in once again to her husband. It scares him just how much power he can have over her.

sorry if I'm wrong; this was just my interpretation. am I correct?

Answer 5

I think you were defintly artistic with your words =)

But I tried to break it down and I really hope that poem doesnt relate to you in any way... no affence.

umm, also I liked how you described what the person was feeling at the end, it gave it a good edge. Great emotion in it. A very good poem =)

Answer 6

Bit ambiguous, Rape or Domestic violence?

Did he kill her, did she kill him.?

It must be good because I want to know.

Pome.

His life before him like a film

flowed as life edded away

and words of warning from his friends

dont go with her , you're g*y

And gazing at her six foot frame

and padded Barssiere

and manly hands and manly feet

A man twas that stood there..

He realised his big mistake

In trying to set things right

he had gone out not with a girl

but a great fat transvestite.