His son getting married tomorrow, I didn't go...?

Question

Ok, so maybe I’m just bummin a little...this is what’s up.

I’m an expatriate from the States living in a country where family is a HUGE big deal.

So, he was married, she messed around on him.

I’m still shocked she didn’t get whacked, but, their 2 sons were still to small be without her.

So, they were separated/divorced for 11 years, and then he met me.

(Here is where I curtsy)...

Now we’re married...(Freaky that was even allowed)!

But, his Ex still will not even speak to me, and we live right next door, weird or what!

Ok, so she hates me.

But me, the kind, loving, considerate person that I am - this weekend is the wedding for the oldest son (her fave) and, I didn't go.

My husband didn’t push it and I think actually felt a little relieved.

But, now I’m all bummin.

What would you have done?

I mean everyone there knows she’s a dog...and I don’t have to prove anything, let her have her day right?

Oh bother, just say something to make me feel better.

Or shut up! lol

Answer 1

I'm confused, How come you didn't go if he is getting married tomorrow?

If the wedding is this weekend then you should go.  Smile, be kind, loving and considerate and let her have her day.  After all you have nothing to prove, right?

If the wedding was last weekend and you didn't go, then don't worry about.  It is in the past now and you made what you thought was the right decision at the time.

Bit weird how you live next door to each other and don't even talk.  I should work on that if I were you.

Answer 2

You didn't go to your husband's son's wedding?  What is wrong with you?  You let your husband be subjected to his ex s***k without his current wife at his side?  That is just wrong.

Answer 3

I think it was nice of you not to go, especially since she hates you (even though she really has no reason to). Just from what you said, she seems like the kind of person who could've lashed out at you for being there and that might have ruined is wedding day. You're a good person, and also don't let her get to you... if she's a bitter hateful woman she'll die a bitter hateful woman.

Answer 4

You don't say if you would have been welcomed at the wedding and chose not to go, or if you wouldn't have been welcome. If it's the latter, then you made the right decision. If it's the first and you chose not to go then you need make your own peace because obviously you really did want to go but also wanted your husband to 'talk' you in to going and you're actually disappointed that he didn't. SO, that being said, either go get a tearjerker movie and get your crying done before he comes home or else take a long bath with a glass of wine and get it all out of your system. Another option is to get a comedy movie and laugh all night! Because when he comes home and starts telling you about how nice it was you are going to only feel worse than you do now.

Answer 5

My question to you is why did you give her the satisfaction of not going to your step son's wedding? I would have showed up just to spite her as well as being there for your husband... I feel you made a big mistake which was your mistake and not mine. When someone like his ex is treating you the way she does that's when any opportunity that comes to be in the same room, go for it! It's not about her anyway. It's about your new family and poppycock on her anyway! Go apologize (Not to the ex wife) talk to your step son and ask him if he was hurt that you didn't come? After all it was his day and I would have worried about his feelings and talked to him first before you made the decision not to go....

Answer 6

Right or wrong, you made your choice and there's no way to un-make it. It's possible that you helped avoid a scene between the two of you and a lot of tension. However, you missed the wedding of your oldest stepson. It's a win/lose situation.

Answer 7

Yes, it was VERY kind of you to let the mother of the groom have her day. You saved your step son alot of headach by not going as well.  

I can understand that you are bummed out... maybe you and your husband take your step son and his wife out to dinner. Kinda like a congratulation dinner. That way you can let them know how happy you are for them.

Answer 8

Well, you're not in Kansas anymore, as they say in the Wizard of Oz, and the customs that apply in the US quite simply don't apply wherever you live.  You need to follow the local customs where you live now, you adopted that country's way of life when you left America to go live in another country.  I'm wondering if the local custom would approve of the new wife of the groom's father even showing her face--something tells me it wouldn't.  I'm sorry you're bummed, that's rough, but you have to follow local custom.  Try to do something to keep your mind off the wedding that you won't be able to attend.  Maybe watch some movies on the DVD or something.  Good luck.

Answer 9

Of course you have every right to be a little bummed, As for being a great person you're definately that and i am sure your husband, stepson, and wife  all appreciate the fact that youput them before yourself and let them have a drama free wedding! Best of luck w/ your neighbor...

Answer 10

you didn't say whether you were even invited

why are you living next door? are you a glutton for punishment?

Answer 11

Awww, stand up straight!  You are no longer the "other woman," and you haven't been for ages.  You were gracious in this case, not at all the Ugly American, so good for you in every way!

And how weird is THAT that she lives next door?  Yikes, you must be a saint to deal with that all the time.

Just be glad you are not in the economically depressed US right now.  Bet you are living higher on the hog than you realize at the moment, 'cuz it's BAAD here!

Peace, sister.

Answer 12

Well, my fiance's ex hates me and him, but, when their daughters get married, I am going.  I will steer far clear from her, but I am going.

However, you know the situation you're in, the country you're in and what she is capable of.  You may have made the best decision for you.

There is no way to undo it, so don't bum about it.  Just reflect on whether you did the right thing so if a similar situation comes up again, you will know what to do so you aren't bummed again.