Ho can I take the pain away?

Question

On Monday it is an anniversary of something so hard for me (I can't tell you what it is, sorry).

It's the first anniversary and I kno it's going to tear me apart.

I feel awful already and have a weekend of family events and don't kno how I'm going to get through with out breaking down, and I'm not the sort of person who can do this around people.

The only person who knows how I feel about this and who actually knows what it is about is my boyfriend, but he can't be with me on Monday. I work duriong the day and he works at night.

What do you do to take your mind away from things that you do not want to remember? Things that tore your heart into pieces and has taken me over a year to be able to go a day without thinking of it every day?

What can I do to make my self feel better?

And I don't think alcohol is the answer :( unfortunately lol.

I've had to come home early from a night out because I cannot think of anything else and I cannot keep myself from falling apart even in the company of others.

Sorry I jus needed to express myself a little where some people can sympathise, that don't kno me, that can offer me some help.

Thanks for reading :)

Answer 1

You have to consciously think of other things that are nice and good and attractive to you!

Your mind has to be thinking something, you have to take control and replace what you don't want with nice thoughts! Have faith in your own ability and go the way you want, and need!

Answer 2

Generally, you mind must dwell on something.  So, give it something else to think about. I would suggest this, when you are at the family gathering(s), focus not on yourself and what you're feeling, but on other people.  "Hi, how are you doing? What's been going on with you.  Your children look so much older..."  By this, I mean get really concerned about THEM--fight to do this.

There is not time to get this book now before Monday,  but it can help you reams in the future. It contains some practically adapted powerful tools from Cognitive therapy. (How you feel depends on how your are thinking.)  But you have to do the written exercises to get the benefits!

http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Este...

Best wishes.

Answer 3

I can't help feeling it would be good for you to be able to share something of this with someone else apart from your boyfriend, tho maybe not your immediate family....and/or if he knows how hard this anniversary will be for you, to try and get at least some time off work so as to be with you for some of that day & night.  

Do you  keep a diary about your thoughts etc?  That might help....Do you pray??  I don't know what else to say, but I'll be saying a prayer for you anyway.   Maybe there is a support group around for people who have been through similar experiences?  

Answer 4

well in event's like these i try to express my feelings in a story, maybe give it a go?

Answer 5

Well I really do hope it gets better for you. Try and get through the upcoming anniversary by keeping your mind off it. But you should consider counseling after that, because it is obviously very painful for you. Life is too precious to waste being in pain, when there are plenty of counselors and other people out there that are willing to help you through this.  

Answer 6

Write a story about it.  I do that myself when something is really chewing up my mind.  I find if I say exactly what's on my mind, how I feel down to the very last detail, and save it to disk, I can let go of some of it.  I use a word processing program so I can go back and re-read it, add things to keep track of my changing feelings.  If others use your computer, save it to a password-protected file so you can be certain that your feelings are kept private.  Try it, it can't hurt.  

Answer 7

Sounds like it's something very traumatic.  I'm familiar with that!  I know it can be pretty hard to remove something from your mind, even when it's something you DON"T want to think about.  Try expressing yourself by way of keeping a journal.  Write your feelings down.  

Honestly, even thought it might be hard, maybe you should really try to attend those family events and that way, perhaps around this time next year, you'll have happier memories to replace that bad anniversary date.  I know it's easier said than done, and you'll never forget whatever it was that happened, but try to get through it.  Hopefully over time it'll get easier.  

Best of luck : )

Answer 8

obviously I don't know what the anniversary is of but it sounds to me like you need some kind of grief/trauma counselling and may be suffering from PTSD.

I know this may be hard to do but if you do not feel able to attend this family get together then simply refuse.

ultimately, the power to refuse is the only true freedom we have, if this situation means so much to you then exercise that freedom.

good luck  

Answer 9

I have a few things that affect me in the same way, so I imagine a large wooden chest, I put the memory in it, and shut it in a room, and lock the door, sometimes I visit and let it out, every time I do it gets a little smaller, I know how you feel about public displays of emotion, I cant do it either, so I just shut it away till I am on my own and strong enough to face it.

Answer 10

You have to work throught it. Avoiding the memory will not solve anything. The more you work through this, the easier it will be in the long term. Other than that you can get some hypnotherapy which i have heard also works for things like this where re-living the memory several times will lessen the effect to some degree.

Answer 11

My only brief suggestion to you is:

First throw away all your old thoughts. Wash your brain (mind). Fill it with fresh thoughts. Life is not meant for mere worrying. Life has got many positive things to do towards self-development and social welfare. If somebody in our mission of life is not cooperating, forget. World is very big and we are too small compared to the world.

Life in the world goes on and on for ever. But we are going to be in this earth for a few years only. Let us make it a heaven for us to live.

Refresh your mind. Recharge your body. That is all.

Answer 12

It's hard to give advice not knowing the full situation.  Whatever it is I think it would help if you had counselling so that you are able to come to terms with a let go of whatever happened.  this does't mean that you won't think about it, but it means that you can think of it without overwhelming you.