Hockey jokes?

Question

I know I have asked this before but I was wondering if there is any new talent out there. Do you know any good hockey jokes, riddles, or just anything funny about hockey? If so let me know, I want to see if you are any match for the ones I got a few months ago!

Answer 1

question 1: What's the difference between Eric Lindros's mother and a pitbull ?

answer 1: LIPSTICK !!

question 2: Why do women love hockey?

answer 2: Periods only last 20 minutes.

question 3: What's the Ottawa hockey team got in common with American politicians?

answer 3: the Senators get their fans hopes up then deceive them time and time again stealing much of their money in the process

question 4: Have you heard the new song by the Barenaked Ladies?

answer 4: Who needs Teeth?

and the ultimate :

Johnny was in court because his parents were getting divorced.

The judge asks him, "So Johnny, how about if I send you to live with your mum?"

Johnny says, "No your honour, she beats me up all the time."

So the judge thinks and says, "How about if I send you to live with your father?"

Johnny says, "Please your honour, he beats me up all the time too!"

The judge then asks, "So where can I send you where you won't get beat up?"

Johnny smiles and says, "To the Toronto Maple Leafs, they never beat anybody!"

Answer 2

Q.How often does a goalie change pads?

A. After 3 periods

Q. Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

A. He didn't want to get nailed to the boards!!!

Answer 3

The Florida Panthers.

Answer 4

an oldie

q: how many nordiques does it take to change a tire?

a: only one, but they'll all be there if it's a blowout

cheers

Answer 5

Ok, so two guys are sitting at a bar and start talking to each other.

Guy #1 - Hey, where are you from?

Guy #2 - Sweden.

Guy #1 - No way! Me too! Where from Sweden?

Guy #2 - Ornskoldsvik.

Guy #1 - Me too! What year did you graduate from High school?

Guy #2 - 1998.

Guy #1 - Me too!

As the two men continues to talk, a guy asks the bartender "How long have those two been talking' to each other?" Bartender replies "about an hour now, the Sedin Twins are drunk again."

Candi - Yea, I got nothing new since then, sorry.

Answer 6

A lady was walking on the street when a rapist came out and attacked her and left her on the street naked. A Leafs fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan and an Ottawa Senators fan walks by and sees the woman on the street. Out of respect, the Leafs and Montreal fan take off their hats and puts it on the womans chest to cover her up.  As a sign of respect, the Ottawa fan puts his Senators cap over her v****a to cover it up. When the police arrive, the officer looks at the hats and lifts up the Ottawa Senators hat, puzzled, he puts it down  and lifts it up again. After the 3rd time, the Senators fan gets mad and yells to the cop " what are you doing? are you a pervert?" The cop replies " no, but i always expect find an a*****e under every Senators cap."

Answer 7

I remember the Oilers coach said this after one of the Vancouver players picked up a bra off the ice.

"I guess they'll take a cup anyway they can"

Also, this is one between Oiler and Flames fans

"What's the difference between a bra and the Calgary Flames?"

"A bra has two cups and the Flames have one!"

Sorry about the bra jokes lol

Answer 8

Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?

So they both can watch the hockey game on television.

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