Holding a child back in School?

Question

My son is 8 and in the 2nd grade. We have fought him all year long with school but now the end of the year is hear and we are debating whether or not to hold him back. The first of the year he failed everything. Not because he didn't know it but because he wouldn't do the work. Now he is keeping mostly C's with a D in spelling and reading which is the main things at this age. In one way the teacher and I both want to hold him back because he isn't mature enough but on the other hand we worry about what it will do since he has made progress. He is a very smart kid but he flat out refuses to do a lot of the work and will turn in blank papers. He knows his spelling words before he leaves for school he can call them off and spell them correct then goes to school and fails the test. By the way he is ADHD and is under treatment for it I just refuse the meds. has any parent sent their child on under these circumstances or do you hold them back.

Answer 1

Maybe he should take one of those learning courses you see on tv where he goes and is taught by other people. They might have some system that will make him more interested in learning with teachers who will give him special attention instead of a classroom where he is one of many students. Its worth a try. At least talk to one of those places to see what they think.

Answer 2

I am a former teacher and a parent of 3 and honestly, after seeing dozens of children who fit your son's description, I would definitely keep him back this year. It is much easier on a child and the parents if they are held back in the earlier years. If he is struggling this much right now with doing his assignments, imagine how it will be in a few years! I would schedule a conference with his teacher, and bring him with you. Make sure you speak to the teacher ahead of time regarding your plans to keep him back. Then, discuss it there a the conference so he can see WHY he is being held back. Part of it of course could be his ADHD, but part of it too may be just his defiance and not wanting to put any effort. So, you will have to explain to him that he can not go to the next grade level when he has not completed what he needs to know for 2nd grade. Maturity too is a key factor. Again, I have seen this so many times and many parents are reluctant to hold their children back because of embarrassment, fear of how the child will react, etc... But you have to look past all that and decide what is best for your child in the long run.

Answer 3

I am having the same exact problem. My son is 8 and in the second grade. He also has ADHD, but he can't take any of the meds for it. I was considering holding him back. Granted, if all of the lessons were done orally, he is a genius but when it comes to proving it on paper it is a fight or he just won't do it. His maturity level is grade level either. I decided to go ahead and let him pass on to the third grade and have to hope that he will mature and get with the program. I decided that if he doesn't improve during his third grade year, I will hold him back then.

I don't use my child's ADHD as an excuse like previously mentioned and I don't think you do either. It is just hard for others to understand what it is like to have a child with ADHD. Best of luck in your decision.

Answer 4

You say that he knows the work and he sounds similarly like my son. Have you thought that he was either bored or not being challenge enough? Clearly if he knows what he needs to know, do you think holding him back is such a great idea.

If he did not know the material, then I would hold him back. Sounds to me like he's smart.

Sounds like he is bored and keeping him in second grade another year will not challenge him to succeed. My son is 7 and in 2nd grade. Diagnosed with ADHD as well but not taking meds for it. It is a struggle keeping him focused but well worth it. He is equally smart as his classmates but lacks the maturity.

Answer 5

You should read the Position Statement of the National Association of School Psychologists for their view:

http://www.nasponline.org/about_nasp/pos...

Here are a few quotes to offer some food for thought:

"Initial achievement gains may occur during the year the student is retained. However, the consistent trend across many research studies is that achievement gains decline within 2-3 years of retention, such that retained children either do no better or perform more poorly than similar groups of promoted children. This is true whether children are compared to same-grade peers or comparable students who were promoted."

"Retention does not appear to have a positive impact on self-esteem or overall school adjustment; however, retention is associated with significant increases in behavior problems as measured by behavior rating scales completed by teachers and parents, with problems becoming more pronounced as the child reaches adolescence."

"Research examining the overall effects of 19 empirical studies conducted during the 1990s compared outcomes for students who were retained and matched comparison students who were promoted. Results indicate that grade retention had a negative impact on all areas of achievement (reading, math and language) and socio-emotional adjustment (peer relationships, self esteem, problem behaviors, and attendance)."

Answer 6

Yes, we have sent our son on.  He reached a point when he was ready to buckle down and the results are amazing.  We instilled a love for learning in him and an excitement for school and kept on him about taking the resonsability for focussing and doing the work.  No ADHD however, but I can tell  you it shouldn't be an excuse.  Your childs just needs to learn control of his behaviour.  You can do this by setting limits and sticking to them firmly...no exceptions.  Giving a lot of love at the same time and having fun in  your home on a day to day basis.