Home study - how bad is it really?

Question

I'm a little nervous about the home study part of adopting (who isn't?) but Future Dad here is *very* nervous! He thinks it's going to be like an interview where they're scrutinizing every single aspect of the answers we give. We both make good money, have good values (don't drink, etc), have a nice and clean home, no arrests, etc etc. I think it'll be okay but he's really nervous.

How is it really? Is it as bad/difficult/nerve-wracking as he expects? Thanks!

Answer 1

We found it very invasive and they do scrutinize every aspect of your life.  They want to make sure the child, whom they are responsible for, is being placed in a loving, caring home and that you will raise it following their standards of care.

Don't overclean but  make sure safety items are completed (smoke alarms, etc)

If you're adopting due to fertility issues, MAKE SURE you have processed this and have determined you have STOPPED  trying to get pregnant.  (We ended up with councillng as we were honest and said that maybe someday God would see different but for now, this is the path we have chosen ---- RED LIGHT for homestudy worker.....  haven't dealt with fertility issues apparently)

Money is good if you have it but they aren't too concerned about that unless you are on the verge of bankrupcy.. then theyll most likely suggest getting that figured out and dealt with first.  

We found they spent a lot of time on our backgrounds in terms of discipline and how we were disciplined as children and what our views on discipline are.  (basically you won't spank, yell or threaten.. discipline fits the crime and age sort of thing)

Nervousness is common and they understand that.  Just be clear about what you want and why you want it. Give honest answers and work with them as they want nothing more than to help you adopt. If honesty leads you into something like what happened to us, then do it and keep going.  We now have a beautiful little girl and have just finished our update to start the process again.

Answer 2

Oh honey....RELAX!

I do them all the time....I know people get really scared, but within a few minutes we are laughing and talking like friends.....

My favorite question is "Does anyone in your family suffer from any mental illness?"  Once I remind people that this is not an opinion question....they laugh and we relax.

From what you've written you've got nothing to worry about.

I get concerned with people who ask me how much money they will make.

People who are dealing with infertility and who don't appear to have dealt with that yet.

People who have been married multiple times and this marriage is not very long yet.

Crimes

Answer 3

Its not bad at all... Your social worker will hopefully be a very sweet person who's looking to paint a great picture of you. Relax, be the good people you are.

Answer 4

Honestly, it's not that bad.  That doesn't mean it's easy, but it's not unbelievably difficult, either.  The important part really is to just be yourself, and be honest with both the caseworker and yourself.

My husband and I took it as an opportunity to really and truly discuss all of the things they asked.  It brought us a lot closer, and solidified the reasons we were adopting, the type of adoption we chose and our thoughts on a whole bunch of parenting-related questions.  In the end, I feel more prepared to be a parent, and as though I will be a better parent than I would have been before the homestudy.

The paperwork is a lot, and in our case we had a lot of essay type questions, but just set yourself goals and dive in.

As far as your house, and the actual home visit part of the home study - they aren't looking for perfection, just a safe house for a child to be in.  I realized half an hour into our home visit that my next door neighbor's daughter had left fingerprints all over our back door, the entertainment center and the refrigerator.  I thought it was a good thing.

Our interview was about 8 hours all together, sitting at a conference table.  We had 4 hours together, then about 2 for me individually and then a little over 1 for my husband, then we came back together. Again, they aren't looking for the perfect answer - they want to know about YOU and your life and what you think/feel. In ours, there were some questions they asked that weren't supposed to have an answer. (Like: what are your plans for your child when they grow up and how will you react if they don't live up to those expectations.  We sat there for a minute, went "Ummm .... uhhh..... we don't have any expectations, we just want them to be happy and feel secure.  Whatever they want to be, whatever path they choose, we don't care."  Then we sat there for a minute.  I finally said "Are we supposed to have a list of expectations? Are we supposed to have plans for their future?"  Our caseworker just smiled and said "No, you're not.  The point of the question is that you're not wanting to adopt to fulfill some sort of agenda.")

Breathe.  Relax.  Take it one step at a time.  Be honest and be yourself - and you'll be fine.

Good luck to you!

ETA:  Did someone really just compare a homestudy to rescuing their dog???????  What?

Answer 5

The longest part are the questionnaires and getting up all the info you need.  When they come to your home to look around and do the interviews don't stress.  You don't have to spend a week making sure your house is perfect.  It just needs to be clean and safe.  My case worker was wonderful....I didn't have any problems with it.  Now the questions you have to answer ....there are some that are very personal and I had to ask her why they needed to know this  and she explained it to me.  Don't stress too much.....I'm sure it will be fine....Good luck!

Answer 6

You might have a talk with him about why he is so nervous.  The person who did my home study was fantastic, and now we'll have lunch together.  She is also an adoptive mom.  Remember that the person who does the study is usually trained in phychology, and will immediately pick up on his nervousness.  Also, they'll ask questions whether either of you were molested as children, which can greatly affect the study.  Some questions are personal, but that's the whole idea.  Once those people come back to do the post placement study, he won't have to see them again (unless you're ready for #2).  Good luck, adoption has really made our lives so much more exciting, fullfilled, happy, enjoyable, wonderful, content, and more (including lack of sleep-ha)

Answer 7

As long as you are honest and upfront it is usually not too bad....

It is important to be open and friendly with the worker and try to let them get to know the real side of you.... The worker will be an important part of matching  and placement.....

Relax and remember one thing at a time...they know this is difficult and brings on anxiety.... give the old man a back rub and some hot tea....  this is the first hard part of parenting......

Answer 8

Everybody stresses over the homestudy. After the Chinese water torture and electrical shocks it's smooth sailing. :-)

hehehe   I hope you have a sense of humor....it helps :-P

There should be from 2-3 meetings (about 4-6 months long). But first you need to gather documents...marriage license....birth certificates.

Depending on your state you will be required to have a criminal background check, child abuse clearances and finger prints done through the FBI.

The meetings are simply for the social worker to get to know you and your hubby. She/he will interview you togeter....seperate......and then together again.

These was the easy part because you just be yourself.

Your house should be in order but not "staged"....all of your smoke alarms should be in working order.....you need to have a fire extinguisher. Any possible dangers to children should be taken care of before hand  ie:  pool  and spa enclosures.

Good Luck and I wish you and hubby the best.

Answer 9

Well it is the most invasive process I have ever gone through but they need to be.  Sometimes how you feel depends on how good a worker you get, sometimes they just aren't people people and sometimes they are.  I have in my time met some rancid social workers and some awsome ones.

Just be honest and don't hold back.  Also, some people say don't overclean your home, well overclean it.  There are varying levels of "cleanliness" and I met one social worker who led a life of 100% dust free and expected everyone to do the same.  (um, we actually LIVE in our house!!) so we knew this and hired a cleaner to give it a full onceover where nothing was missed.  

So don't worry, clean clean clean and be honest.  Oh and be prepared to talk about your s*x life, that one through us for a loop!

Answer 10

home study for us was easier than dealing with the dog rescue when we tried to adopt a second dog.

the SW WANTS you do get through home study.. that's how she gets paid!

Answer 11

My husband and I went through our home study last month I spent a day cleaning the house and making sure everything looked just right. Our social worker sat at our dinning room table asked us question she asked before...I think we asked the same question ten times each. Then took her around the house check fire extinguisher and carbon monoxide sensors. Making sure there was a area designated for baby and over all safety of house. The whole process was a half an hour. Don't sweat it, if you are this far you basically are okay with them. Suggestion don't make inappropriate joking comments that day.