Homeschool girls, no friends, mom starting to worry.?

Question

I have always homeschooled my girls. They are 7 and 6 and they each have a few friends in Ballet class that they play with at the studio while they wait on their class but other than that one day a week they dont really have any friends other than each other. They are best friends. I have friends who have kids but they are all 6 or younger and the 7 year old is starting to act very bored with life. We try to make it to the network outings but most times this becomes a problem bc the boys nap at that time, so we often don't get to go. How do these older girls make friends when they are homeschooled? Shouldn't she be having sleep overs with a best friend by this age?

Answer 1

Unless your daughter(s) are complaining about a lack of friends, I wouldn't sweat it.

glurpy's right - having 15 kids around is a fairly new concept, one brought on by school.  It's not bad, but it's not necessary either.  Even when my son was in school, he had several acquaintances and 1-3 really good friends.  (He's an only, so he doesn't have a sib to hang out with.)

Even now, at 10, he prefers to hang out with a few good friends, and play with others that he knows whenever the occasion arises.  He's not withdrawn, he's not anti-social, he just prefers to pick and choose the people he spends a lot of time with.  There are about 2, maybe 3 kids he'd do a sleepover with, this started within the last year.

It really is ok - she doesn't have to be having slumber parties in order to have friends.  As long as she has fun with other kids and can get along, she's doing fine.  She may just really prefer her sis to any of the girls she's met yet.  And that's perfectly fine - it's better than having them fight all the time! :)

Hope that helps!

Answer 2

There are many, many activities available to your girls.  What are their interests other than ballet?  Sports?  Drama?  Girl Scouts?  Art?

By "network outtings" I presume you mean park days.  Even with the boys napping, you should be going to park days...even if you arrive early or late.

Answer 3

Maybe something as simple as taking them to a local park for play time.

They need to be socialized. I was not home schooled. But, my parents never "taught" me how to make friends and I wasn't really allowed to play with friends outside of school. I am 35 years old now and I still find it extremely difficult to make friends. So, get them out there somehow. Don't delay.

Answer 4

Here are a few suggestions you could try. Some may cost money, but I'll try to give you as many free or inexpensive ideas as possible.

-Try new things! See if the girls can join clubs offered through the homeschool network, or in the community.

-Girl scouts is a good place to make friends and learn a lot in the process.

-Boys and Girls Clubs of America is also good

-Take them to a childrens program at the YMCA now and then, or let them join a sport there.

-Try swimming lessons in the summer, or a summer day camp that will get them out of the house and with others their ages.

-Let them play a sport. Soccer is a good team sport for girls, and Tennis, Fencing, or Martial Arts are good individual sports.

-Look up a local art studio and sign them up for a childrens art class.

-Talk to the people in the homeschool network. Explain that your children can't be taken to the get-togethers because you ave two little ones at home who need to nap, and see if maybe you can arrange for a car pool of sorts. Maybe another parent can pick up your kids and in return you can drive theirs to balet some time, or watch them on weekends once in a while or something.

-Maybe see about starting a sort of play group for the older girls. I'm sure there are other parents with little ones who nap durring the outing times. Maybe start an afternoon tea party group for girls in the group.. Meet at a different girl's house each week and that girl and her mom get to host a little mini tea party with juice and a snack and then do a quiet activity like playing with barbies or baking cookies... This way mom's still home while babies are napping, but kids get to see their friends.

-Go to your local library and see if they are hosting any childrens programs like story time, puppet shows, science shows for elementary schoolers, holiday craft activities, game nights, and so on. Great ways for kids to meet other kids with similar interests.

-Look in to similar activities at local youth or community centers.

-You say the girls are eachothers' best friend? Well, that's wonderful! But it can also make it a bit harder to make new friends if they're always in their social comfort zone, or if one has younger friends and the 7 year old needs older companions. Try encouraging them to do seperate things once or twice a week. Maybe one night, 7-year old has soccer while 6-year old has art class, or maybe mom takes 7-year old to the library for a childrens activity while Dad takes 6-year old to the playground to play with other girls.

-If you're really worried, have a sort of homeschool mingle at your house or at a park some time. If you know the other moms and dads in the network at least well enough to have their phone numbers, call them up and say you're hosting an "End of school year" or "Get ready for summer!" party and even though your child doesn't get to come to get-togethers much, you'd like for all the homeschoolers to come and play. Make it a picnic where everyone brings their own lunch or you can make a lunch with another parent or something. Give the kids free time to play on a playground or something and then have some "ice-breaker" activities to get kids who may not know eachother working together in a game or playing and talking. A great ice breaker for older kids is to have them all just walk around and talk a bit, then call FREEZE, and then something like "favorite color" and then everyone has to find people with their favorite color and get in a group. then have them ask eachother bizarre questions like "what's your favorite subject" or "where did you last go on vacation", then mingle again and the next time you call FREEZE, pick something harder like same number of siblings or same shoe size or favorite fruit. Another fun one is to break everyone up into groups of people they don't know and have them work together to win a game of some kind.

-Look up your city/county's Parks and Recreation website and find out if there are any childrens classes or events going onin your area that your children can get involved in.

-Get active! Get them volunteering and making friends with people they help or help with.

-Above all, be optimistic. There's a lot out there if you know where to look. Don't be worried if your little ones aren't having sleep overs yet. My first real sleep over didn't happen until I was older than 7, and I went to public school until highschool. Some kids take longer to become social butterflies, and some just don't have the opportunities to YET. I'm not saying your kids don't. All homeschoolers have the opportunity to be VERY socially active. Just explore some new avenues and see how it goes.

Answer 5

First of all, are your daughters complaining about a lack of friends?

If not, why do you have this idea in your head that they need other friends than each other? This is how things were for a very long time in human history. SIsters WERE each other's best friends for a long time. This idea of having 15 friends from your class that you go to sleepovers with and all that is a very new social construct--a direct result of SCHOOL. There is nothing to worry about if your daughters aren't living that type of lifestyle--homeschooling isn't the school lifestyle with 30 other kids hanging around all the time.

"Shouldn't she be having sleepovers with a best friend by this age?" Why? Who says? That's school social structure (although I know several non-homeschooling parents who would not let their 7yo's go on a sleepover somewhere).

It sounds like you are worrying that they aren't having the same social experiences as school, but you chose homeschooling, which means it will be different. Different isn't bad, it's just different.

As for social activities, the primary way is families getting out more. When your boys won't need to nap, you'll be able to get out more. Of course, if you end up having more little ones, you will be stuck at home more often than the homeschooled kids who get out and participate in those activities. Whichever situation, here's what I suggest: take charge of it. Organize activities that work with your schedule. Have a little get-together once or more a month with one or two families with kids roughly your girls' age. If your girls click with some of the people who come, then you can maybe set up playdates just for those kids. You can even have a theme day--like a Barbie day. Set up field trips with other families for when you can do them and your boys aren't sleeping. If you have a nearby playground, set up your own park days, letting your network/groups know you'll be there and would love to see other homeschooling families there.

Btw, my daughter is 10 and has a variety of friends and has never gone on a sleepover (although she has hosted one). Sleepovers are one activity that can be done; just because they're done regularly by a certain group of kids doesn't mean it's a social necessity.

Answer 6

I find that for homeschoolers, church kid's clubs, Sunday School, and church youth groups, are great ways to meet friends, and have friendships that will last. Also, kids can meet great friends at Bible camps. I’ve attended a Bible camp the last few years, and I met friends there that I’ve kept in contact with through email and instant messaging and the like.

Also, one of the great things about homeschooling is that students are not limited to friends of their own age. As a homeschooled student, you socialize with the young and the old, not just those within 12 months of your birthday (as is the way with many public school students). So you could try having them socialize with everybody, young and old. You could try volunteering at a hospital, a senior home, etc. This way your children can meet the people there, and both your children and the residents will be encouraged.

Answer 7

It depends on how you classify "Friends".

From my experience.

People that you see once a week? Yeah they'll have ton of friends.

People that they hang out with, and see each other alot, and people that care? Very few. (Or at least for me that's the case. Actually, the case is NONE for me, zippo, nada.)

And yes, I think sleepovers and stuff could start then, whenever she/you feel it's ready to start doing those type of things.

Answer 8

Some kids just aren't that sociable regardless of the social activities planned for them. Of course, if they don't go out enough, they won't get the opportunity. Not everyone has a best friend. Have you ever asked them if they want to invite someone for a sleepover? They might not have thought of it yet. You can send your 7 year old to girl scouts or some such thing. You, as a family, could join the SCA or something. I don't know about your local group, but there's about a dozen kids of all ages in ours.

Answer 9

There's nothing to worry about!

I've been homeschooled for most of my life, and at that age, I had one good friend that I stayed with constantly.  She was exactly like a sister and she was 2 years younger than me.  My other best friend was my brother (2 years younger than me).  I had other "friends", but no one that I hung out with.  I'm almost positive that if I had a sister, she would have been my best friend.

Your girls have made aqquaintances in class, and you are doing what you can to put them in situations to make friends.  So you are doing great and so are they!  They are probably just satisfied hanging out with one another...and no harm there.  It's a wonderful thing that your girls like being together.

I hope and pray that your daughters remain close friends throughout their life, just like my brother and I have.  They are lucky to have eachother and you are lucky to have children that care for eachother.

Answer 10

my niece is home schooled by my sister.  She has her involved in YWCA stuff like cheerleading and soccer.  She also has friends at church.  There is a home-school moms group in the town she lives in and they get together alot and go to museums, the zoo and that sort of thing.  She's 13 now and although she's been a little backwards all her life she has a couple of best friends.  

I commend you for doing this, good luck!

Answer 11

That is one of the drawbacks of home schooling.  Not attending school is going to make it hard for her to find and keep friends.  You need to decide if home schooling is really the best thing for your kids.  I don't mean to be rude, but how will you teach your kids a new language (which is important to success in our expanding world) if you can't speak another language yourself.  "la madre de quattro" doesn't mean anything.  Do you mean "la madre di quattro" (that's Italian) or "la madre de cuatro" (that's spanish).

Answer 12

They are still young. One good friend is sometimes better then having a Bunch of so so friends.They will click with someone sometime and be best friends. Do some parks and rec classes. My kids do those and always come away with i new friend here and there. But don't worry my son is 8 and still hasn't had a sleep over yet. It will happen. We even met some friends that are home schooled and we have play dates now. Give it time.

Answer 13

My highly socialized girls were not comfortable with sleep overs at the age of seven. They just weren't ready for it. "Should" is a hard word for any person, instead of looking at what the world does, look at what works for your daughter. In any case, once school is out at 3pm, can she not play with neighborhood kids? At the end of eight, and nine, they were more than willing to spend the night and are attempting a world record in the most consecutive Friday nights spent in sleep overs.

What I would do is 1) see if someone else can take your daughter to the outings, 2) try to move the boys naps, in quarter-hour increments to an earlier time, and 3) do my own group meetings at a time more convenient. Host a game day, and invite homeschoolers over to play board games. Set up park days at a convenient time. Create your own yahoo group, or advertise on your local homeschool group or "network" as you put it.

Good luck. Socializing is a red herring in homeschooling. Really, my two girls are best friends (8 and 9yo), and that doesn't bother me at all. They have LOTS of practice being a good friend and good person, because it's 24/7, across environments, not just sitting beside someone in school, or seeing them at the park. They have wonderful friends outside of the family as well, because of their practice within the family. Just get your oldest what she needs, to the extent she needs it, and things will be fine.