Honest opinions of this poem?

Question

An Innocent Mind

Raised in a home of traditional wisdom,

I see this world through hazy eyes.

Positioned in the corner of my little box,

I anxiously await a foreseeable demise.

I'll die unaware the teachings of Blake,

And as he died, I shall die the same:

I'll die in poverty with a hunger for knowledge;

Outside of my box, on a greater plain.

I desired perception vast as space,

To untie the blindfolds across my eyes.

I would leave this shadow we call home;

A veil God uses as Utopia's disguise.

Answer 1

Its pretty good just try to make it flow better and the less bigger  words the better... Good Luck! Please go to my profile and to my questions and read and comment on my poems!Thanks!

Answer 2

5/10

Answer 3

The poem has a nice elegiac tone, I found phrases like traditional wisdom (what IS traditional wisdom?) and Utopia's disguise annoyingly meaningless. Why do I have two blindfold(s) on my eyes?

I think it could be a very good poem and I am just stupid, but I am left two cents short of a farthing,

Answer 4

its very good, a little depressing

Answer 5

Like the poem. You should do more poetry.

Answer 6

By the sixth line I was turned off. It's overly dramatic, and abcb is a little juvenile.  You can speak of the rose-colored glasses without being emo.

Answer 7

unless im reading it wrong, i would say distopia rather than utopia if you are trying to connote that God is a figment that is blinding us of lifes true or "un" meaning

besides that, i thought that the imagery was good but perhaps you could use more unique phrasing to set it apart from other angst poems

verdict: impressive insight

Answer 8

umm I like it but it seems dark, but maybe thats what you are going for. It definitely is deep. I would encourage you to let your mind wander and write what you know, its always the best canvas

Answer 9

its amazing.

seriously, keep writing.

i love the word choice.

most poems i have read don't use that wide of variety for words.

Answer 10

I think it is optimistic and enlightening.  And I like the rythm.  Very nice imagery.  I liked picturing the blindfolds being untied from across your eyes.  

The only thing I might consider changing is the image of being "outside your box" -- I think the phrase "thinking outside the box" which is used so often these days, makes the use of this image not as effective as maybe something else?  That is just my take on it though.

Very nice poem, I like it.