Honest opinions on my poem?

Question

-Continue to dream-

I dream of a day when there's nothing to fear

Nothing to worry about

Not a visible tear

There will be no hatred

No judgements made

No killing, No betraying

Hopes will not fade

Until this large world

Unites as a team

I myself will sit here

And continue to dream....

-me-

Answer 1

pretty awsome poem, the "team" part took some of the affect out of it for me but besides that very nice.

Answer 2

Thats great and really inspirational. you are not the only one who dreams of a peaceful world.

Answer 3

I think it's actually quite nice. I really like the ending.

A few points:

Line 3 feels forced. You've stuck the word "visible" in to keep metre and it doesn't really work for me. I'd try to rework this line.

Line 8: "large" world... I think you could get a better adjective than "large". It sticks.

Line 10: I would say "I will just sit here". The "I myself" doesn't sound right.

One final comment. Your poem seems to be similar to John Lennon's "Imagine". I wonder if you could "imagine" a world where everyone follows the speakers idea and just sits around dreaming... waiting for the world to change. You might want to either bring out the irony of this a little better or bring in some kind of call to action.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

that is a really true poem that apparently came from your opinion. GREAT! :]

Answer 5

change the team part to something with Fights and unites

Answer 6

Wow, that is good.

Answer 7

Flows very nicely. The reality is that life is hard...we all know it. So do I want to read a poem that reminds me of it? No...try writting more poems that are inspirational, that give hope. Lord knows, we all need that. You obviously have a talent for this:)

Answer 8

Makes a good song .. especially for those school band and sung by a group ( like in church). U remind me of the song (WAR what is it good for). It needs refinement though, but the topic is well picked. I'm dreaming w/ U :)) !!

Answer 9

It's so wonderful.

Answer 10

Just imagine

to  dream of no more fear, worries, wars because solutions would have been found

Relationships or marriages would stand together because no betrayal no worries

No hatred if problems are worked out

but

this is not a perfect world

its nice to dream

Just to think of how things were things are and will be with improvement