Honest oppinions needed...? Want a best answer just for answering?

Question

Okay, This is just a randome sample out of my "incomplete" novel, called technology (the 7th element)

Its about the 6 elements Weather, water, earth, wind, emotion, and fire, emotion is in my book because it IS natural, because its within all living things.

Now a creature kills the master, of all, long before mankind and puts a curse, mankind and an Improper element "technology" that seeks to destroy ALL the elements so only technology romes.

Okay! here it is, (if I run out of room wait for additional details before answering)

"To them the rain didn't wash away the unbearing stench, or lessen the heat. Infact it seemed to make them both worse, they stood there in breif silence as the wind whistled through the pine trees, and the crackling of sticks and twigs echoed behind them. The silence was so petrifying they could hear nearly every animal in the forest, and Suzanna had that feeling, that gut feeling that screamed danger directly into her ears.

One minute need more room!

Answer 1

that sounds like a good story and i sure hope it will get published. i have a passion for writing too.

Answer 2

learn to spell haha random. no e opinions has one p. and its should be then at not than

Answer 3

Not real sure on what exactly is the question you'd like answered - or If you are asking what was in the forest..that seems to shake the group -( the animals )..or if you just would like an opinion of your paragraph . I think it's well written although it's too short to form an indepth opinion on how it relates to technology . In any case , you are able to write and capture the attention of the reader .

Answer 4

That sounds awesome! I love these these types of books! Good use of imagery!

Answer 5

Thumbs up, btw the more you read and practice writing the better you get and i think its best to sample everything.

Answer 6

It is good. but i suggest you read some Steven King novels (my favorite is desperation) he is my favorite author and he makes you "feel" as you are in the book not just reading it, but back to you if that is your first novel i say you have potential, but you shouldn't care what other people think until you are finished just write what you feel and see what happens ( if it gets to be a long novel 300 and up pages long tell me the release date because it sounds like a book a might want to read one day) and one last thing the amount of detail you added there was perfect, don't change it by to far or if it is less the reader will get bored and if it is to long they will just get bored, put more detail into important fights/ scenes and less describing a bush if you know what i meen.

Answer 7

Actually, this is surprisingly good... i mean, the description didn't sound like something i would read, but from the bit i read, i think i actually would. :)

oh yeah... in the last sentence, you should have used "then" instead of "than"

Answer 8

I thought it was a bit hackneyed. And you have to improve your spelling and punctuation.

7/10, an admirable first effort.

Good luck!

Answer 9

how about 'directly into her head'?  That is where feelings actually are detected.

That is a pretty nice story idea, for a fantasy novel.  I'd give the question a star.  And I would give it another star if I could for you to be bold enough to ask.

Answer 10

Great!!!

i love it!

Well,so far,of course..Lol

Answer 11

It has potential, however more needs to be said before a proper judgment can be made. It is nicely descriptive, not too flowery and grabs interest.

I am not sure if unbearing is the word you want there though. Perhaps unbearable would be better.

Like i said, it has potential, it needs more to be available for me to say more.

Answer 12

That sounds like a good book

Answer 13

That's an interesting concept, you're going to get people who like it and people who don't. Personally I like what you've done so far, it leaves you on a cliff hanger, the description is detailed and gives you more than just one sense (touch, smell, sight, hearing etc) and there's exaggeration but it isn't over done. 7/10 because you left me on a cliff hanger... I hate those, they make me impatient :P.

Answer 14

I like your description! That helps us picture it. Nice!

I will come back and read the rest once you've finished. :]

Answer 15

I like it.