Honest replies needed....what if you received no gifts/$ at your wedding?

Question

What if you when you got married, all of your guests came bearing no gifts (money or wrapped fondue set, etc.)? Would you pleasantly smile and say, "Well, it was just a celebration of our love, so no big deal!" Would you REALLY be okay with it?

Reason why I'm asking is because some posters on here think it's being selfish, spoiled and other such catch phrases if the bride and groom *expect* to "make something" from their wedding. Just throwing out a poll....sort of....to see how brides really feel.

In all honesty, who really doesn't want or need the cash made from their wedding as a downpayment on a home or to start their savings together as husband and wife?

Answer 1

With rare exception, whoever shows up to a wedding should bring a gift.  An elderly great aunt on a fixed income wouldn't be expected to bring a gift.  While it is true that I would rather have that elderly aunt show up with just a smile than not show at all, the same would not be true for most of the other guests.

The fact is, while weddings aren't supposed to be about the gifts, people expect to 'make back' some of the expense of the wedding.  Just after college I went to a weddding where I wasn't going to go because I was so short on cash and my friends convinced me to go anyway, without a gift.  I felt awful about it, and when I saw them later (they were from out of state) the first thing I did was to get them a belated wedding present and apologize profusely for not having given them a gift at the actual wedding.

Also, when I was planning my wedding I took a poll of sorts from people my age (early 30's professionals) and could not believe how cheap most of the people were for wedding presents.  The majority of people felt that 100 was a very generous gift to give as a couple, and this was from a group of doctors and lawyers. Part of the problem was that these people had already been married for 10 years so they were just going on how things were when they were married, and wedding present ranges are just something that haven't increased with time for most people.

As a professional adult, I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without a sufficient gift having been sent or with a card and check/cash in hand.  People who say otherwise are either ridiculously wealthy or deluding themselves.

Answer 2

I understand what you're saying.  I would be a bit shocked and a little disappointed.  Personally, I always bring a gift to an event and expect people to do the same.  Now, I understand if one particular person or family is struggling or having a really rough time.    But, if people are relatively stable, yet came with nothing, I'd be a little upset.

I would view it as rude and upset, especially when I go above and beyond to always provide a gift.

Answer 3

Interesting question...

Would it bother me? No. The fact the people showed up, proves they care.

Gifts should not be expected. Besides, the day is about you, and the committment you are making to another person. Gifts and what you gain should be the last thing on your mind.

The people interested in making a profit from there wedding are often times the ones that put sooo much money into it, because the day was more important than the act.

Answer 4

In all honesty here, I would be so upset if we didn't get anything at all. It would make me feel as if nobody cared and couldn't be "put out" to go out and get us something. I mean even a $10 toaster would make me feel like they cared about us. Then again, everyone knows that we are moving in together when we get married and not before, so I would think we wouldn't get absolutely nothing, but you never know.

I also have to add that my fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves and we are far from rich, so we're pinching pennies here and there to make sure we can have everything we want.

Answer 5

Yes, I would be offended.  I have never, ever shown up at a wedding empty-handed.  I don't care what the so-called "etiquette" says, you bring a gift to a wedding, thus you expect gifts at your wedding.

Answer 6

There is a big difference between expecting to receive gifts vs. expecting to 'make something' from a wedding.  What if all you received were gifts and no $$ at all? Would you be disappointed?  I wouldn't.  But then, I tend not to expect things having been disappointed in the past.  I already have everything I need...anything I get is just a bonus.

Answer 7

Questions like this make me glad I'm Canadian!  We almost have set 'rules' for showers and weddings.  For showers, the invitation tell me when, where & $$ amount (usually between $30-$40).  I send check, show up, sit down, eat, drink and watch bride/mother-to-be open gifts chosen by the hostesses.  Food & drink is supplied and paid for by the hostesses OR gift $$ amount is lower ($20) and shower held in a restaurant, you pay for your meal, wine/drinks paid for by hostesses.  This is happening more and more, as who wants or has time to do all the prep & clean-up!

Weddings=$100/per person  More if it's an Italian wedding!

No time or GAS (at these prices, lol) wasted running around trying to figure out what they need, where are they registered,  buy card, wrapping paper, etc.

Honestly, I can't imagine someone coming/going to a wedding and not giving a gift.  Jeez, we crashed a wedding reception in Italy without realizing it, and felt so bad we used a hotel envelope and put money in it!

FYI, folklore says the reason people give gifts is to ward off 'bad spirits'.....so leave the cheapskates to them, lol!

Answer 8

I think that it is ok to be a little hurt.  Especially if you bought gifts for all of their weddings, baby showers, etc.  YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH!  It just generally just good manners at a wedding.  I mean even if it is like $10.00, it shows that they at least thought of you.  Some people who do not buy gifts or give cash though may not be able to afford it.  So if some folks do not get you gifts, do not be too upset.  Good luck in your upcoming wedding.  Just do not expect gifts, it will be a pleasant surprise.  

A lot of brides generally get the presents at the bridal shower.

Answer 9

When I married for the second time I told my kids no gifts nessesary....my second kid made our cake as a gift, my eldest gave us a cake knife & server set..my son gave us a picnic hamper...my youngest was in college & broke lol so...and the few others at our small wedding gave us booze lol....but if they had not given us anything but their presence....that would have been just fine.....

Answer 10

I would be hurt, yes. I mean, I don't expect gifts from anyone, ever. But I only invited people I truly loved to my wedding, and I know if it had been their wedding, I would have brought some sort of gift. So I wouldn't really be upset about the gifts themselves, but I'd feel hurt since they don't feel the same way in return towards me. A few I can understand due to money issues, etc., but for NO ONE to bring anything. I would feel like they hated me!

Answer 11

Well according to a question I asked on here months earlier when you're invited to a wedding it's not expected that you give a gift-I personally think that's baloney-

And if you think about it-everyone needs the money nowadays not just Brides and Grooms!

Answer 12

Honestly, I would be disappointed. But I still believe that no one is obligated to give a gift, especially if their financial situation is tenuous. And even though a bride and groom can safely "expect" to receive gifts - really, how many people show up at a wedding empty-handed? not that many - they should never be so tacky as to ask for cash.

Answer 13

It would kind of bother me since I give pretty good gifts at other people's weddings. You know that gift giving helps the couple out anyway.

  Iknow you pay for the wedding and everything and it's just a big huge luau is what it is.

Answer 14

to be honest.  it has become common courtesy to bring one...think about it: you are providing your guests with a dinner or party of some description and in some cases they are really nice.  the way i see it is "give a little, get a little"...how hard is it to bring a present...unless you're serverely in debt or have money problems, a toaster doesn't cost much in comparison to a $10 000 wedding...or a $2000 one

Answer 15

I think I would have been upset

Answer 16

Honestly, I would be upset.  However, I'm not sure what you mean when you say "make something" from their wedding.  I definitely didn't expect to receive gifts/money that equal or exceed the cost I put in to my wedding.

Answer 17

I'm only having a dance and an open bar, so no, I won't be surprised or offended, even though we are expecting to pay about $40 per head on alcohol.

I guess a $40 gift might be nice.

Answer 18

I would be a mite disappointed since my fiance' and I are just starting out, and any help is appreciated. However, I don't expect my guests to come bearing gifts, so I would think their presence was gift enough.

Answer 19

I didn't expect "to make something" at our wedding, in the sense that I expected the wedding to cost more than we'd get in monetary gifts (and it did, which was fine).  But, I must admit that my feelings were a little hurt when two couples didn't give us anything, not even a card.

Answer 20

Part of the wedding celebration is for people to gather and help you get started.   A gift should be given within someone's budget and taste.  One of my favorite gifts was a homemade quilt.   This family did not have a lot of money but a lot of time and love to share a talent.   My dad past away of kidney disease and a few families made a donation to the kidney foundation.   Although that seems odd because it was not for "us" bride and groom it was such a wonderful gesture of generosity.  

The more formal the wedding the more gifts would be expected.  The more casual the wedding, gifts could be optional.  

If you are inviting people only for the gifts then you might as well elope.

Answer 21

I just wanted my friends and family to be with me.  I wanted to throw the biggest best party that I could so we could all celebrate.  More than half the people including most of my family did not give us anything at all and I did not care because I did not invite them to get gifts. What we could not afford we did without until we could afford it.  I remember the excitement when we finally could afford to buy a couch and stop sitting in bean bags with stuffed cardboard boxes for tables.

Your guests are not supposed to be funding the start of your new life. They are not supposed to be reimbursing you for the cost of the wedding/reception. To ask them for money so you can take a honeymoon or buy a house or anything else is calculating and grasping and a bad way to start a marriage.

Answer 22

I think everyone one way or another would be hurt if they got no gift... my first husband and I were totally ignored by both our families (first marriage for each of us, no acrimony, they just didn't give a **** about either one of us), and he was really hurt by it more than I was.  I was just surprised at the total lack of caring from both sides.  Same thing happened when our first child was born, but that didn't surprise us after the "wedding" fiasco.

Answer 23

Honestly. I would be really hurt and surprised but I wouldn't care about the actual gifts. We received so many picture frames, candle sticks, vases and things at our wedding that we didn't want and the cash was nice but we weren't depending on it to help pay for our wedding or anything.

Answer 24

Of course a wedding is a large expense and in my case, I've begun counting every dollar and even think about the next time I want to order a frigging pizza and look five times in the fridge to change my mind and how $40 would buy the craft kits for the kids at the wedding, etc...

But in all honesty, I wouldn't care and sometimes I feel bad because I know that inviting certain people may actually make them feel obligated to buy something or bring money so I get stuck on what to do.

EDIT: Gotta say I hate toasters and irons. It seems as common as getting roses for valentine's. I'd rather guests show up pretty and smiling, ready to have a good time :)

Answer 25

Here is the actual truth.  Everyone says its about the love and gathering and that's true, but you know if someone shows up at your wedding empty handed people will talk about them until they die.  When my cousin got married a whole family of like 10 people gave her a card with $5 in it.  She's not even married anymore but people still talk about it.  Personally the only gifts I really remember from my wedding the ones that were something interesting, not money.  I think the reason why people on Yahoo get so riled up is because it SEEMS like there are a whole lot of gold diggers asking questions.

Answer 26

honestly i would be angry.  i spent all that money for those people to eat and have a good time and i get nothing.  i would be mad.

Answer 27

I'd be upset if we got nothing at all. It's not the lack of gifts or money itself that would upset me, it would be that it would make me feel as though no one cared enough about us to even make the effort. In all honesty, it would be enough if they just got a card and put something real heartfelt in it. As long as I knew that they cared.