Honestly, should i put myself in foster care, or try to make it on my own?

Question

this is my situation, please read before answering:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuRWCCgJJtBrVzooKbCXG5fty6IX?qid=20070529131728AAUprIx

and

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgaINmqCxQ8uy2K8rx9kJG_ty6IX?qid=20070530111520AAYgd3p

and

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgP_BuMItomJYqy3WC91sG7ty6IX?qid=20070529144157AAIovKG

should i try my best to make it on my own. or turn my self in and the kid(s) into social services. i don't want to risk being separated from him/her/them, but i don't want to hide from the police or do anything illegal. thanks for your advice.

Answer 1

This is so hard.  I know.  

1) Stay in school.  The diploma makes all the difference to get a better job and better money later on.

2) Have the sibling/s put into foster care.  Make sure you can visit any time you want to.

3) When you are older, you can adopt them from your mom.

4) One warning:  What will you do when she gets pregnant again?  Maybe it would be better to have your sibling/s put in an open adoption.  That way they are well cared for and you can visit all you want.  (I think that is the way it works.)

Answer 2

Oh sweetie, I've just read all your questions. That's so much to put on a young man who should still be studying, dating, partying and not worrying about "adult" stuff yet.

Normally I would advise any teenager to finish school, because it gives you so many more options. Your schooling might only last 12 years (and I know, at your age that seems like forever!) but you've then got to support yourself and your family for the rest of your life - maybe 70 or 80 years! In your case though, I have to say that if you do end up caring for your mom's kid(s), you're current boss sounds like a good guy and you'll need someone like that on your side.

One thing I'm not sure you've considered: who will look after the baby while you're working or in school? Are there other responsible family members who can help you out?

To answer this question, foster care could be a good option for all of you. You would be able to go back and finish school (you could work part time to help with the baby). They might be able to place you all together, but if not I'm sure you could have contact, given the circumstances. And it's only another 2 years before you could adopt the child as your own. So going to social services could be a really good thing.

Having never been in this situation, I can't advise one way or the other. Maybe you could just talk with social services and see what sort of arrangements could be made? If you don't like what they offer, you can stay away from them. I wish I could be of more help. You have a difficult decision to make, and I wish you all the best with it. That unborn child is so fortunate to have such a responsible and caring brother already looking out for it! Be strong.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. It appears you have had to grow up much faster than you ever needed to.

I would go with the previous answers about calling CPS. They may place you in foster care, but you can always suggest that the baby/babies be with you. A lot of people adopt families of children simply because the children don't want to be separated.

It would be hard for you to take care of any child on your own at such a young age. Keep going to school and working (sorry you have to do that), but I'm sure you have only a few short years left for school.

You could try being emancipated from you're mother, but I'm not sure they would give you her child. CPS is probably the best route right now. This would be considered emotional abuse and this is not a living condition that any child should be raised in.

Answer 4

Here is what I would do if I were you. I would look in the yellow pages and find a family lawyer that works on a sliding scale. This means they will only charge what you can afford based on your income. I would ask if a. you go into foster care is it guaranteed that you will all stay together?(is your mother willing to give up her parental rights to you?) b. when you turn 18 can you become their legal guardian and c. what does it take to become an emancipated minor and would that help in getting custody of them now?

You are in a really tough situation and it's very admirable what you're trying to do but as this situation progresses, I hope you're realizing that you do need to finish school and you might want to go to college too. I didn't see anything about what kind of job you have but furthering your education can only help you. Especially if you're going to be raising 2 kids! Good luck!

Answer 5

I've answered a lot of your questions and i just want u to know that dss needs to be involved. I was in Dss system and still am. but I hate to say this but i bet your mom does drugs and drinks. when she has that baby(s) if they are alive, there are going to be serious problems. so You maybe able to take care of a normal baby(s) but a handicap one? and dont give me the c**p oh the babys fine, there will be rough patches down the road, such as learning disablilities, and what not. talk to a state worker.  All we can do on here is offer you advice, they can do something about it. trust me its for the best.

Answer 6

Is your mom still tending to her profession? Is she an addict? If she is addicted to drugs and pregnant you can call Child Protective Services or Dept of Human Services and they can force her to seek rehab. Also, you need to contact a lawyer concerning your being the legal guardian of your little sibling. With you being 16 there may be not way for you to legally become the guardian. You may both be able for same home foster care. Allowing you to be in the child's life and get in a more stable environment for yourself.

If this does not work out ask your mom to consider putting the child up for adoption.

Answer 7

WOW. Your life is pretty complicated. My advice is to call social services and turn yourself in. They will make you go to school (highschool) but thats not such a bad things you know? They will feed you 3 meals a day and you will have a bed to sleep in. And you can still work. Once your mom has the baby she will give over her rights to child services IF she cooperates. If your mom is 4 months its probably to late for her to get an abortion so I wouldn't worry about her doing that after I went into foster care. But if your worried she will hurt the baby somehow you can wait until after the birth to turn yourself over to child protective services.

PLEASE do not listen to DN "horror stories read on here??"

You have been listening to the internet and watching to many movies lately! My mom has been doing foster care for over 10 years! She is the best parent in the entire world! Shut your mouth if you don't really know what happens in foster care!

~Sarah = )

Answer 8

Will your mom let you move out?

Answer 9

I think that you need to talk to a social worker.  They can give you the advice you are seeking.  However, if you do that, they may get involved wether you want them to or not.  I am a foster parent though, and I don't think that they will force you into a situation that is unhappy.  If you go into foster care, the caseworker should make sure that you are happy there.  Considering that you are 16, the caseworker can discuss your home life in a foster home and address any problems that you are having.

As far as your sibling/s, your mother may not have a choice.  If she is not fit to care for the child or children, CYS may remove them without her having any say when they are born.  Again, I would probably talk to a social worker or a lawyer.  Find out what your chances are of being placed in the same home when your mother gives birth.  I know many foster parents that have adopted sibling groups.  (I know as a foster parent that I would have adopted any of my foster children had the chance been presented!)  Maybe that can be a way that you can still have a chance to "be a kid" and to be in the life of your sibling/s!  

You seem like a very responsible person.  Considering the circumstances you have lived with, I am very impressed with your attitude!  Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

I dunno, man.  I busted your chops a little yesterday because your story just doesn't ring true to me.  I keep waiting for you to ask for money or something.

With the circumstances you claim, how are you so articulate?  And yet, you never appear to be in school?

But if this is your life, I certainly wish you the best in your noble aspirations.  In my opinion, foster care would be a mistake, but I only know the horror stories I read.

Best,

DN

Answer 11

U need to call dfs ur mom don't need to do that c**p

Answer 12

i would call them after the baby gets here because if the baby comes and you are gone you might loose the sibling and that is bad because if it is handicapped it is really hard on all involved. don' put that on your self. ot os hard on an adult. to raise a child let alone a chid raiseing a child. i will pray for you.

Answer 13

I think you would really benefit from getting in the system.. you will have financial and emotional support that you don't seem to get at home.. and you can focus on what you want for your future.. you can still be in contact with your mom .. but you will have all the resources you need to reach your future goal.. sounds like right now it is all about her.. you need to get a support system.. you sound so mature.. but everyone needs a support system.. i still do and i am 28.

Answer 14

keep thhe kids and ur self

Answer 15

It sounds like you certainly have a lot on your plate, but you sound like a smart guy who has been taking care of himself for a long time.  Taking care of a baby is a lot of work, and twins would be even more.  Really, I don't see how your mother would know she is having twins if she has not seen a doctor, as she would need to have an ultrasound/sonogram to know there was twins.  

I would ask your Mom for one thing - to sign custody over to you.  Have something in writing so that if you need to seek help for the baby/child(ren) - whether it is medical or otherwise, you can obtain it.  I don't know what documents you would need in New York State to do this, but I don't think it is that complicated a process.  

I would also get out of there.  The last thing you want is your little brother or sister to be exposed to the life you have had to witness.  If you do go to Social Services, they might support you as an "independant minor" but not sure what they would do about the baby.  If you were a girl and it was YOUR child, they would be more supportive I think, but not sure what the view would be on a sibling.  Maybe talk to someone in your area that knows the New York Social Services system better.  You should have a help line or something in your area that is anonymous.  

As for school, with a little one, going full time probably isn't an option, but I would strongly encourage you to get your GED at least as this can open doors for you in the future, especially if you decide to pursue another trade or get a degree later in life.  Most people at 16 can pass the GED without a whole lot of problems.

Be proud of who you have become despite your circumstances.  I hope that everything works out well for you and your sibling(s).  They are lucky to have you, however things turn out.  

My last bit of advice is if you find yourself unable to meet the child's needs, do what is best for them and work with Social Services to ensure this little one gets the best life possible.  Most Social Services agencies do advocate strongly for sibling relationships to continue even if one or both children are adopted or placed with different families, especially if they know how important it is to you.

Good luck!

Answer 16

Like I said before. Keep telling your mom that you will take care of the baby. When it gets here contact Child Protective Services or the Department of Human Services and they will remove you and your new sibling from her.

They can set up foster care so that you are both together or at least get to have visitation with each other.

If you don't want to go into foster care for yourself, then you can become emmancipated from your mother. Again speak with someone in the CPS and they can help you.

Answer 17

I would get some legal help  you are to  young to be having these problems but that is life. you could find some one to adopt the baby and stay in its life.  a lide is a special gift as for your mom she neds to grow up and get fixed if she wants no more children