Honoring family members not in wedding party?

Question

My mom keeps insisting that I should give some family members who are not in the wedding party small bouquets or something, even though they're attending as guests. She has it in her head that because my one aunt and uncle are honorary guests in our wedding (because they practically helped raise me, and I'm super close to them - almost like parents), the other aunt, uncle and one cousin, who I'm not at all close to, should get small bouquets or something to make them special guests, even though they'll just be sitting with the rest of the guests. I really don't think that this aunt, uncle and cousin care - they know we're not that close - and I think it would make them feel silly to hold small bouquets at their seats.

My wedding is very small with a small wedding party (three BMs, three groomsmen, and the two honorary guests) and 70 guests total. I just don't see the point. It's an intimate, simple ceremony in a garden, no special readings, just us and the officiant, and our own vows, and that's exactly what we want. But I can't seem to make my mom understand that not everyone can have a special role or be honored, because then, where do we draw the line?

Advice on what to tell her? Am I totally crazy? help!

Answer 1

that would be kinda awkward.

i think the flower idea is good but awkward for the other aunt and uncle.

Answer 2

I do agree that them holding bouquets might not be the best idea.  The program idea is a good idea.  Or even acknowledging them in the reception in some kind of way might also be a good idea.

Answer 3

Maybe just mention them in the program?  Small under family members or something?  Or ignore your mom all together.  She'll forget about it.. my mom is making me absolutely crazy some days too, and I just ignore her and it seems to go away :)  good luck!

Answer 4

Why not just a special card to the Aunt and Uncle that raised you and leave it at that?  Everyone will understand and if they don't, oh well.

Answer 5

It's awesome that you are honoring your special aunt and uncle. If you were to do something "special" for all family members you are not close to, then it would lessen the thought of what you originally want to do for your aunt and uncle. They deserve the recognition, and will appreciate the sentiment more than if you give in to what your mom wants you to do.

It's you and your future husband's special day, so do what you would like to do and don't worry about everyone else. One very valuable lesson I learned later is that you can never please everyone no matter what you do or how nice your intentions are.

I let my grandma talk me into having my older brother walk me down the isle for my wedding in 1995 (there is a lot of bad blood with him, and I've had no contact with him in the last 10 years). I still regret it to this day and wish I didn't cave in. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I do know that for my next wedding, I will do what my future hubby and I want, and not worry about anything else.

The program idea is a great way to "recognize" all family, while still being able to do something different for your aunt and uncle.

Congrats and good luck!!! :)

♥ & *muahs*

Answer 6

Your mom is wrong on this one.  It's fine for you to include your special aunt & uncle who helped raise you.  They SHOULD be given a higher place of honor than regular guests.  Don't let her feelings of propriety dictate what you do.  Everyone there will know why you're choosing to honor your aunt & uncle if they are close to you all.

Answer 7

No. You are honoring a specific aunt and uncle and have every right to do so.  Your mother is wrong and should bite her tongue and mind her own business.

Answer 8

We just did corsages and burners the men to pin on them.  It was pretty cheap like $5 for the women and $2.00 for the men but it HONORED them and made everyone happy.  I had to honor my husbands 6 sisters, plus their husband and my aunts and uncles- LOL

I think it was still less then $60 to do them all from the florist.  

I personal would just do it- you can even get them from the supermarket today- it would be like $12 to shut your mom up :)  

And it look fine- actually really nice in the pictures and everyone was happy!

We did 15 people- it really wasn't that bad.  It was $60 and they took the right to the church.  Heck, ask your mom to pay for it if she wants it so badly!  Let her arrange it and worry about it.  It's a nice gesture and people really appreciate it.

Answer 9

We were thinking about that too but we decided to honor specific guests by having them walk down the aisle. Nothing too big

Answer 10

I would just have a botineir and corsage made for your aunt and Uncle. For my wedding I had one for my Aunt. Becuase she is my mom's only living sister. I felt she should have one since my mom had pastwd away. I never heard of making people honory guest. All attention is on you 2 no one else.

Answer 11

Hi!   Your Mom sounds like my Mom, LOL!  I agree that bouquets are over the top.  Sometimes the mother of the bride gets a rose, but even she doesn't get a whole bouquet!  A few ideas: if you are making a "thank you for coming" speech, you could mention them by name, such as "and I'd like to thank Aunt Pat and Uncle Joe and Cousin Sara and all of our family members for being here today..."  Or, could you seat them at or near the head table?  Dedicate a song to them (even something light like We Are Family)?

Answer 12

I think especially to your type of wedding being so intimate, you won't want to ruin the atmosphere with fake gratitude toward people your not close to. They'll know it's fake and you'll probably feel awkward about the whole thing. Your day sounds lovely and i wouldn't want to ruin the genuine close family feeling by sort of saying ''oh on a side note thanks for coming to my other family''

I'm not sure i'm being pretty cutthroat about my wedding and maybe i'm just adding my feelings in here. But it's your special day!

Answer 13

My Italian family tradition with close relatives not in the bridal party is to give them a corsage (women)  or boutonniere (men) to wear at the wedding and at the reception.  maybe you could do that ?