Horrible, aweful mother in law problems (and a wedding ring)..

Question

Ok...soo....I'm having my little wedding religious ceremony with the exchanging of the rings in a month. We got married in a courtroom, so now we're going our vow and ring exchanges in front of family (long story).

ANYWAYS....I've been wearing my engagement ring as my wedding ring. Now I feel its time to get an actual special ring. So my mother in law offered to foot the bill for my ring (my huz already has one I bought him).

Her mother, who is dead, had this dinner ring. Its MASSIVE and has diamonds all along it in this weird pattern and quite frankly I think it is hideous. Its SO over-the-top and gawdy and when I put it on it takes up half my hand. My mother in law wants to take that ring in to a jewlers and have it combined with my engagement ring to make a wedding ring. WTF? I HATE the ring and there is no way I want to wear it. NO WAY! It is too big, impractical, ugly ugly ugly...and it is going to ruin my pretty opal engagement ring.

I talked to my parents and they said the cost of having the rings combined and re-sized would be more expensive than just buying a ring. I mentioned this to my mother in law and she didn't care. She wanted me to have a "sentimental" ring. And ya, I understand that.....but the dinner ring is just so not my style. Its my grandma's style and I REALLY don't want to wear that hideous ring on my finger for the rest of my life. (its not even a wedding ring...its a dinner ring...its SUPPOSED to be gawdy and over-sized).

HOW do I get out of ending up with this ring as my wedding ring? What can me (or my husband) say to her so that she understands where I'm coming from and that I would prefer a small and simple ring?

Answer 1

maybe just say to her 'i understand you want me to have a sentimental ring, and i would love to to, but this ring is just a little to much more me, i'm much more simple and small. I'm not a big fan of the big rings, i don't need that on my hand to prove i love my husband. Could we maybe try to find a smaller ring in the family that fits my style a little more?"

if she still can't get it then take her to a ring store with you and show her some of the rings you would much rather have.

Answer 2

Your married, go buy your own ring.  If she want to do something with that ring for you have her take out a few stone and make yourself a pair of earring or pendent.  I am sure they do not have to use every stone.  If you have a sister in law or brother in law she can save the rest of the diamonds for them or maybe a future grand daughter.  I would have your husband tell her that he wants to buy the ring.  

In the future keep in mind when you look for someone else to pay they take control of the situation.    

Answer 3

Lindy Lou beat me to it. You can take out the stones and have them put in a different ring at a jeweler's. If there are a lot of stones, you could have a ring, ear rings, and maybe a necklace made as well.

Answer 4

Have it taken to a jeweler and take the stones out.  Have a band made with some of the stones you like and leave it at that.

You can't begin to imagine what the jeweler can do.

Nobody says you have to keep the setting.  Just use the diamonds and make the ring you want.  That is an awesome gift.  

Answer 5

Just Tell Her That You Really Don't Think It Would Do Well With Your Engagement Ring & You Think It's Impractical To Wear On A Finger That You Already Have An Engagement Ring On.

Most Engagement Rings Have A Wedding Band To Them As A Set, Sometimes They Are Just Sold Separately As The Jewelers Way To Get More Money Out Of You.  If Not You Can Always Get A Plain & Simple Band At A Jeweler.. Which Is Usually What Your Wedding Band Should Be.

Personally, I Think Dress Rings Like That Are Hideous Also. & The One Is The Picture Is Quite Ugly. That Will Not Suit An Engagement Ring No Matter How Much Your Mother In Law Wants To Believe Other Wise.

Answer 6

Your husband should be backing your decision to not have this as your wedding ring. He needs to be with you and support you when you calmly explain to your MIL that the ring is not your style. Explain to her that you would prefer something smaller and simpler. Tell her that you appreciate the sentimental value of the ring and discuss using stones from the ring in your wedding band if she was going to have the ring essentially remade anyways.

Answer 7

Just have your husband buy the ring (obviously), which matches your e-ring.

Answer 8

I'm sure there is a way for you and the jeweler to work together to put the stones in a setting that you would like.  

Answer 9

Tell her that although you love the ring, it doesn't feel like "yours".  Let her know that it is gorgeous, but you feel it's too much for everyday wear because of your job, dishes, don't want to lose it, etc.

AND if you do need a ring resized, go to your nearest Jared (The Galleria of Jewelry) store.  They are amazing, and they charge very little for rings to be sized up or down!  I had gold added to three rings for less than $100 US

Answer 10

How about having it made in to a brooch instead, or earrings? Perhaps you could even  have it modified to match your wedding rings and  just  wear it on special occasions.