Horrible experience today. What would you have done?

Question

I don't drive so I bus it everywhere and am well used to the raving loonies that use public transport.

However today I had my kids with me, my daughter who is nearly 12 and my son 7.

A man was sitting a couple of seats down from us and was p1ssed. In fact he was still drinking on the bus.

Anyway he kept turning round and for want of a better word..perving at my daughter. Leery looks and all that. She noticed and was terrified. He then started making garbled lewd comments at her.

I was too scared to say anything so I just turned her head away and talked c**p to keep her looking at me. I was scared that if we attempted to get passed him he would grab at her.

I feel really guilty. It was my kid ffs and I couldn't do anything...Have just told my husband and he went absolutely ballistic( not at me ! )

The sad thing is she has to get the bus to her new secondary school in Sept and now she's scared.

What the h**l should I have done?

Answer 1

exactly what you did do, confrontation could have been dangerous, but i like everyone reading this hopes that parents would just educate and love there kids so they dont turn out like that man. In someways it is a  shame this isnt a lawless country an the man could have been lynched

Answer 2

nothing. what could you have possibly done. if you would of said anything, he was already pissed. he would of probally went ballistic on you. but you just have to tell your daughter, that they arrested tat guy, and that hes not allowed to take the bus anymore, so that she wont be scared.

Answer 3

That is not totally a bad reaction.  You could have pressed the emergency call strip to let the driver know.  But now you should talk about it with your kids and make sure they know it was an isolated incident with a bit of a loony-toon, and you should also talk to them about safety when they're alone on the bus.  One of the best things they can do is sit near the front by the bus driver.

Answer 4

You still should have changed seats - even if he made a grab, you would have been right there & been able to prevent it.  You should have then reported his behavior to the driver.  If he refused to do anything about it - call the police & report the man for public intoxication.  It would be good for your daughter to know that she does have some recourse should this type of thing happen in the future.

Answer 5

Report it to the driver.  Gotten off at the first stop and gotten on the next bus.

Is she responsible enough to carry something like pepper spray?  Or better yet for her age a whistle? From your use of language I assume you are English, is any form of personal protection allowed where you are?

Answer 6

Haz, you did the right thing in distracting her attention and avoiding a confrontation with him.

You could have reported him to the driver though.

If I was you, I'd give the local police a ring, just for peace of mind, and to reassure your daughter.  It will also be on the record.  They have CCTV on some buses now and he may be known to the driver or passengers.

Answer 7

Firstly, don't feel bad about it....you weren't doing anything wrong.

With hindsight we all could have done the 'right' thing, so us telling you what we'd have done is just adding to your feeling of guilt when you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Just go with her on the bus at first, until she has friends to go with.

Answer 8

Actually I would say that you did the right thing here, just ignoring the person is the best option. Also, it is normal for your husband to get like that, the guy was obviously just drunk. As for your daughter, she will temporarily be scared this will not scar her so I wouldn't worry about that. It will just take a little time, but until then just let it blow off and try not to make a big deal of it.

Answer 9

Theres nothing you could do about it now however if i was you i would get some maze and one of those tazers and carry it with you if it ever happens again youll have protection so you can saftly pass him and exit a cell phone also a good thing you could of used it to have police waiting for your next stop  

Answer 10

you did the right thing, you could have moved or told the driver but that would have made him angry and who knows how it might have escalated. you were in a vulnerable position because as you said you were scared and you had your children with you. this type of thing is quite common using public transport and you did well, be proud of yourself, you thought quick and defused a volatile situation, do not question yourself. well done.

Answer 11

Go to the bus driver and sort that man out. How ridicules. Did nobody else helped you? Is that our world we live in?

I hope you can calm your daughter down and get her brave enough to use the bus on her own, not every day and every man  is like this. There are good people out there. But she must know to get help from the driver asap if something like this happen again.

Answer 12

It doesn't seem like there is a lot you could have done.  The man was unpredictable, so speaking up and taking action might have made it worse.  Ignoring him or moving further away from him may have been the best thing in this situation.  It is too bad that your child is now frightened of public transportation...possibly enrolling her in a self defense class could give her the confidence she will need to overcome her fear.  Hope things improve and probably will with time.

Answer 13

Dont blame yourself for not knowing what to do. I am surprised no one said anything to that perv! I would have! Just reasure your daughter that things like that dont happen often. get her pepper spray to carry on the bus and see if she would be intrested in taking self defense classes to help her know she can be in control of a bad situation

Answer 14

1). Report to the driver;

2). JIC - get her (and explain how it works, a pepper spray);

3). In case something like that happens - stay in the crowd, call for help;

4). If he becomes really annoying - hit him in the balls or hit his eyes with your fingers.

5). If I were you (but I'm a man, though), I would just knock him out and drag what's left to a nearby cop.

Answer 15

you done the right thing!

confronting this man would have been all the more scary and terrifying for her! you seem like a great mother, and by the sound of it, with you she was in no immediate danger, just tell her to stay with friends etc on the bus to school or if possible you could maybe go with her or set up an arrangement with a parent who drives?

Answer 16

I think you did the right thing! If he was drunk or whatever, things would just have gotten worse if you got mad at him.

serioulsy, you did the right thing :).

as for your daughter, maybe there is a friend or neighbor who goes to the same school? or you can go with her the first few days if you have to.

Answer 17

ok wel i actually think that you did the right thing.. if you would have started arguing it would have gotten worse.. just give her a teddy bear or smthing that can keep her mind off it ,, a cd player..i mean shes a kid shes not gonna get over it like that.. u did  good by turning her head away! and u handled ur self well as an dult !  

Answer 18

- Report it to your nearest bus station and then they might have CCTV footage where they can find this guy or at least prevent this thing in the future. You should have walked up to the driver or moved away from him:(...tell your daughter to catch the bus with a couple of friends then she can be more safe.  

Answer 19

Its always hard when that happens to you, much harder to your daughter. However you need to assure her that this doesn't always happen and prepare her on what to do if it does happen again. All you can do is help her get ready, you can't go everywhere with her.

I'm sorry you had to go through that

Answer 20

God hun that's awful. At the time, I think you probably would have been wise to report it to the driver, though obviously you can't now. I would also have done my utmost to move, and if he had tried to grab her, I'd have whacked him.

Now that it's done, I would speak to the bus company, they can probably work out which bus it was, and that might help. I would also report it to the police, try and give them as accurate a description as possible.

As for her being scared, reassure her that the bus to school will be totally different, and she will likely have other school kids there to stick with if she is nervous. Consider getting her a personal alarm, I think you can even get them from argos. I had one at that age, and she should be old enough to understand how and when to use it.

I'm so sorry that happened to you hun, it's horrible, you must feel, for want of a better word, very dirty. Not because you did anything wrong, but because you feel sullied by someone vile.

I really want a girl, then I read things like this and wonder if it's really worth all the worry!!

Answer 21

WOW...I would hate to be your child...WOW as parents are to protect our children....shame on you for being a wimp and not reporting this to the bus driver so he can remove the drinking man off the bus in my state alcohol is not allowed on a public bus much less being allowed to drink on the bus.....I would feel real guilty to if I was you if I was you I would not have any more children if you are not willing to protect them.

Answer 22

Calm down mama. Look he didnt do anything but leer at daughter. I know you were both scared. I would take Queen's advice on this one. I havent ridden a bus too many times but i know there must be crazies out there . But this bloke should of been reported to the bus driver. SOB should of been kicked where it hurts.  Hopefully this was a one time incident. Prayers to you dear and your children.

Answer 23

Oh Haz:(

I'm really sorry to hear that, it must have been awful.

You really did do the right thing you are a good mother.

If something like this happens again and you can rustle up enough courage say to him very loudly(so everyone can hear, 'what do you think you are doing? She is only 12 years old, if you carry on harrassing her i shall call the police and report you for child abuse"

that should work.

I hope you and your children feel better soon x  

Answer 24

reported him.. but what you did was fine. no point asking what you could have done since the past is now in the past and can't be changed. you are still a good mother and reassure your daughter she will be safe and she has nothing to worry about. tell her she can sit at the front of the bus and if any situation like that occurs again she can handle it properly and tell the bus driver

Answer 25

You are not a  horrible mother, but you should have said something to him, wither to keep his comments to himself, or to apologize, and when you left the bus, you really should have told the busdriver.

  Each bus city bus (depending where you are) has a camera.

Call the bus company and talk to your daughter.

Explain to her that that was only a bad experience

i hope i helped

(ps that happened to me on a train station...except i was with my aunt, and 14 year old sister. i was 12)

Answer 26

You probably should have just reported the man right there to the bus driver and/or call the cops or at least tell somebody around you whats going on. Either ways saying nothing isn't going to help you at all. Just make a scene and draw attention to him by yelling at him, at the least. I'm sure the people sitting around you on the bus would stand up to the guy and keep your daughter safe.

Answer 27

You did exactly the right thing imo, gone are the days when you can confront people without fear of reprisal, you kept your kids safe and kept your dignity as well. Just imagine if you had said something and he had a knife or grabbed your daughter, you just never know, well done for keeping your cool, you handled it well.

Answer 28

there are pervs like that all over the place... sooner or later she will have to encounter them.. give her security and confidence. show her how not to coward away from ppl ike that .. show her to how to be aware of her surroundings at all times and not be afriad to tell a driver or something like that...

give her strength and pwer.

Answer 29

there are usually lil bells to ring on a bus to get the drivers attention. no1 shouldve went thru what she did. its quiet sad. just try to explain to her that not all buses have the same people in it. mayb u can take her one another bus b4 school starts. atleast you did what you could. thank you for it.  

Answer 30

Phone the police now, all buses now have CCTV for evidence

If others heard him I am sure they would give evidence against this creep.

But what you did, you thought right at the time and I applaud you, there are some nasty people in this world and unfortunately you met one of them today