Question:

Horrible problem with boyfriends son. Please help?

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my boyfriend gets mad at me because i can't bond with his 3 year old son. I try so hard but i end up having to go to the bedroom alone and isolate myself whenever he is here. he is just so out of control. he hits and kicks and scratches his dad and thinks its funny. that's all he does when he's inside. he tries to talk to me but he can't speak well at all and i can't understand him. he can't understand what I say. Even if he could he wont sit still for one second. embarassing when we go shopping, he screams and cries. He once pulled his pants down and ran around farting and laughing and still did not get disciplined. Honestly, I can't tolerate him and there is no way for me to bond unless i let him beat me up like he does with his dad. he does the same with whole family and no one will spank. when he gets yelled at he laughs and acts worse. throws a fit ever 5 minutes (not exaggerating) I am not allowed to disipline him either. Please tell me I am justified when i say i cant bond.

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  1. I think you are right in saying that it is difficult for you to bond with him.  However, you may want to rethink your relationship with your boyfriend.  Why is it that you are not allowed to discipline the child?  Will you be able to put up with this forever if you were to marry this man?  As long as this child behaves this way, it will continue to cause a problem between you and your bf.


  2. Wow that is hard and I am sure you are very frustrated! But I think that you should talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel also let him know that you cant take it any longer because if you don't say nothing now it will last forever.. do you guys have any kids together that is some thing to think about because that child will always be with you guys and if no one is stopping him right now no one will stop him later! Good Luck! sorry if its not what you wanted to hear.

  3. OK I had a similar problem with my son when he was smaller.. not near as extreme but when kids can't communicate they act out badly.. once my son learned to communicate *we started baby sign language* his behavior got better. I know its a tough situation to be in at the moment because you love your BF and you want to be a part of this child's life but there is not much you can do unless your bf steps in.. it sounds like his son needs to be evaluated for a learning disability :) they offer these services for free and if he qualifies they can even send someone out to your house to work with him all for free.. it helped my son SO much.. he is now talking and much happier I hope this helps :)

  4. It is clear to me that this is not going to change once you are married. Do you want to put up with this? I suggest you drop him and run as fast as you can for the nearest exit! What yor are experiencing now is what you can expect if you marry him. Don't do it.

  5. The child doesn't NEED to be spanked the child NEEDS to learn discipline.  You say you are serious about your boyfriend?  If I were you I would think again.  HE is part of the blame as to why this child is the way he is.  He doesn't discipline his son, allows his son to pull his pants down in public, allows his son to disrespect you...He sure as h**l wouldn't be MY boyfriend.  The child's behavior is NOT his fault but the fault of his parents.  He has never been TAUGHT how to behave.  Babies aren't born knowing how to behave.  A smart girl/woman would pack up and leave this guy because obviously he has no respect fo your.  IF he did he wouldn't allow his son to beat on you.

  6. Firstly, children do not need to be spanked to be disciplined. Secondly, my 3½ year old is very rough, too - he doesn't seem happy unless he is jumping on me. But, I just put that down to him being a rough and tumble preschooler. My son also has tantrums - again, very normal at that age. However, it sounds as though he isn't responding to the discipline your partner is trying to give him and he most certainly shouldn't be doing some of the things he is getting away with. I think you need to tell your partner that his little boy's behaviour is getting you down. I also think that you should be allowed to tell the little boy that you will not tolerate being hurt by him.

    It is hard for me to "bond" with my own little boy sometimes - I love him more than life itself, but there are times when his boisterousness just really get me down, so I completely understand how you feel.

  7. Unfortuntely there isn't much you can do.  I don't know how serious your bf and you are but if you think about marrying him this child will be part of your life *forever*.  And if you have kids together, expect that he won't set higher standards for them either.  Personally I think this is a warning sign that you need to drop this dude and look for someone more compatable.

  8. oh my god this kid is a brat, you shouldn't be expected to put up with this child as he is not your responsibility because its not like its your place to dicipline him either even though you probably should the kid needs it, you should tell your boyfriend to disipline him because his behaviour isn't acceptable and that if he wants you to spend time with his child that you should be given the right to disipline him when he misbehaves for you or he will just do it all the time

  9. you can not do much just try to talk to your boy friend to decipline him a little say somrthing like :::; please decipline your son as if he beats me up i will get hurt and im dure he doesnt want you to get hurt it would be hard to decipline him if he just acts worse though it should be

                                            good luck

                                      x*x hannah x*x amys sister

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