Horse story-I wrote it?

Question

Hey everyone I was wondering if you think I could ever write books...I love writing them and I was wondering if you think I would be good enough...Read this and tell me what you think.

The Horse's Story

One opon a time their was a horse who had a dream.It wasn't like any other dream that he had ever thought about before.He was an American Paint mixed with Tennessee Walking.He was the most beautiful horse you could have ever dreamed about.Well he old owner took him to the auction and he was sold to this old woman and her granddaughter.The old woman told the man that her granddaughter will take very good care of this beautiful horse.So Mary(the grandma)and Tiffany(the granddaughter)took the horse and loaded him up into the trailer and went home.On their way home they stoped by macdonals to get something to eat.When Tiffany was waiting on her grandma to come out of the bathroom she walked on out to the trailer to pet the horse that her loving grandma bought her....When Mary walked out she had a bag in her hand.Tiffany asked"Nanny what's in the bag?"Nanny replied "well the horse has to eat don't he"so she feed the horse a double cheese burger and a large fry.Tiffany didn't want to clean up the mess so she asked if they could take him to the lake and ride a trail....While they were on the trail they saw something that was like a dark image keep on running by them when ever they would turn their head....Well every time they saw it it seemed like it was getting closer and closer until it was beside them.

Chapter 2

Tiffany loaded Simba(the horse)back up into the trailer when she saw her nanny walking out of the woods where the trail was with her head hanging down low.Tiffany got into the truck and was just starring at her grandma.She asked "Nanny whats wrong you don't look so good.Do you need to go lay down in the trailer?"Nanny replied "No we just need to go!"On their way back home Tiffany didn't say another word because she really didn't know what was going on every time she would look over at her nanny she would just turn her head and act like she didn't notice Tiffany.When they finally got home Tiffany ran around to the drivers door and asked her nanny what was going on.Mary just replied "I will tell you later,right now I just want to go lay down."So Tiffany put Simba up into the stall and gave him fresh food and water.Tiffany went in to Marys house and just sat their waiting for her nanny to explain.Mary wouldn't say anything she told Tiffany to go make sure Simba had enough food and water for the night and to come back in take a shower and go to bed.Tiffany did what she said and set her clock for 6:00a.m.When the clock struck 6:00 Tiffany jumped up out of bed and ran out to the stall to find Mary in the stall with Simba.Tiffany asked Mary once again what was going on so Mary told Tiffany to sit down and that it was going to be a long story that she didn't even know where to begin.

Chapter 3

Tiffany pulled over a hay bail and sat down to listen to Marys story about what happened on the trail.Mary began saying that the dark image was a man who used to own Simba.When he saw Simba at the auction he was going to get him back but he said it was to late we had already bought him.You see the man who sold Simba to us stole him from the Old mans Stable so where he could make some money to buy some beer.Tiffany told her Nanny to continue..Simba was abused by the man who sold him to us so the old owner couldnt get him back or else the man would call the cops and say he abused his horses.So the man who owner Simba first called the cops and told him that this man abused his horse that he stole from his stable.The cops went to the old mans house and told the man to sell the horse.So the old owner didnt have no choice but to buy him back but it was to late we had already bought him.So when we was on the trail he was following us to make sure we didnt hurt Simba or anything and to make sure that he was being tooken care of.He asked if he could come by some time and see how he was doing and maybe give me some lessons on how to train some horses,and how to ride them in water,and how you can gain their trust in 2 weeks.I told him he is welcome here any time he feels like coming besides early in the morning.

Chapter 4

The first owner came by and was teaching me how to train Simba to be the best horse ever.The old man asked Mary if he could bring some of his other horses here for me to teach since I seem to be catching on fast.The old man was getting to old to train his horses so he said if I trained them good he would pay me good money.The old man was about to die so he went and put that everything he owns goes to Tiffany and Mary.When he died Tiffany got his house which was very big and everything in it was brand new,and everything in the stables were new.It was summer time and the horses were having foals and fillies every time we would turn around so I had alot of fun training them and spending time wit

Answer 1

You have some real talent, and have a lively imagination. With some work, you could definitely write a book. If I were you, I would take some writing courses to learn some of the rules for being a good writer. There are a few things that a good storyteller always does:

1. Show, don't tell. Instead of just telling what happened, show us. For example, your sentence: 'The old woman told the man that her granddaughter will take very good care of this beautiful horse,' tells us what happened. You could write their dialog instead, show us the scene of the woman buying the horse.

2. Use all of your senses to describe the scene. You tell us the horse is a beautiful paint - what color paint? What about his mane, his tail?

3. Pay attention to your POV. POV means Point of View, and it's all about writing from one character's viewpoint within a scene. You must be careful not to switch from one character's feelings and actions to another character's within the scene.

These are the kinds of things you will learn in a writing course that would make your story really strong. Hope this helps.

P.S. I have two Quarter horses, and enjoy reading horse stories. Make certain that you know a lot about them before you write about them. For example, a filly is a girl foal. A boy foal is called a colt.