Hot topic! Spouse and weight!?

Question

I was just watching divorce court..(i work days...so I NEVER see daytime tv, except on long weekends...) anyway..

what baffeled me the most about this case...one of the wifes complaints about getting a divorce was that he called her "Fat".

Now, I look at her and think...well, you aren't exactly a size 6...so would you rather him LIE? Maybe she was upset by the way he said she was large...but is that a big enough reason to divorce someone?

But on the other hand, how would you react if you were indeed overweight and your spouse came to you about it? Would you be ticked off enough to get a divorce, or would you do something about it? Would you respect your spouse more because he or she was brave enough to confront you on a touchy subject, or feel disrespected because they no longer found you attractive...Would you change to keep your spouse happy....or would you give them a big "f*ck off"

Answer 1

Telling someone they are overweight or even "fat" in a respectful way is very different from saying you are fat in an abusive manner. Maybe this was a case of the pot calling the kettle black.  

Answer 2

I would, without a doubt, confront the person I'm with about being overweight. I am a personal trainer and I know how bad it is to carry excess body fat. I also take very good care of my body and I would expect the person I'm with to do the same.

Answer 3

Definitely not divorce material, but I hope he'd be diplomatic about it. If he was, I'd make an effort to lose weight. Hopefully I'll never be in this situation!

Answer 4

there's a big difference - he could be emotionally hurting her by calling her fat when she already knows she's big. We all know if we're big or not and someone to just keep telling you over and over (especially if you're sensitive) will hurt your feelings. Some people are overweight and have a very, very hard time losing weight but i know those people would want to be skinnier, not only to look and feel better about themselves but to be healthier. on the other hand, he could have a nice good talk to his wife and try helping her so that she could lose the weight - insteading of just calling her fat. there's other nice words that he could have used.  now, to answer all your questions: yes - constant emotional abuse will lead to divorce. if my spouse wasnt happy about the way i looked, i would like him to tell me nicely so i could fix the problem because i always want him to only want me and never cheat.

Answer 5

One doesn't divorce for that reason. If I was told that, I would think that I actually need help. Sometimes people need a rude awaking about issues like that. Its not very nice to tell someone they are fat, ugly, etc there are ways that one could address the issue without being so rude. I sure wouldn't divorce tho, I'd just order a big hamburger and fries and tell them to supersize it, then dump it on their head!  

Answer 6

Like others have said, the lady probably isn't getting divorced over one case of being called fat.  It is likely a multitude of problems, and this is something that stands out.

I am overweight (from size 8 pre-marriage to size 18 now) but my husband doesn't make me feel bad for it.  He mentions that we need to get healthy (he has also gone up), but he does not call me fat.  Usually the overweight spouse knows they need to get healthy.  They need sensitivity and SUPPORT, not name-calling.

Spouses should be able to talk openly about each other's weight, but should do so carefully, always emphasizing support, instead of criticizing.

Answer 7

I find it interesting that many husbands who call their wives 'fat' aren't so slim themselves. It's ok for them to balloon up but not okay for their wives. Ridiculous!

All relationships require mutual respect and care. Name-calling by either spouse is counter-productive. I count on my fiance to tell me the hard things - but he tells me in a caring way, as I do for him. It's not easy, but it's what you do for people you love.

Answer 8

It is one thing to tell ones spouse that your concerned about their health because they are starting to become over weight versus tell them they are fat.  Telling someone they are fat is implying in some way that you don't like them.  With everything in a relationship, a little sensitivity goes a long way.

Answer 9

I personally want a HAPPY marriage, so if it would take my hubby being honest (thought it may hurt) to tell me that my weight was affecting his desire for me, I would want to know.   Men are very visual, and for some men, weight is a HUGE deal to them and affects intimacy.   If we truly love each other, we should care about ANYTHING that is a stumbling block in our marriages---be it weight (wives or husband's), time away from home, disconnectedness, persons in the marriage who should not be, etc.  Blessings...........

http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 10

Well it all depends on how he goes about it... If he walks around calling me a fat a** then he clearly has issues of his own and YES I would want to leave him though I would still do something about my weight for my own good. If he comes to me and we talk about it then it wouldn't be reason enough to get divorced.

If he was a moron about then who the heck would want to be with a guy like that? Does he even love her if he walks around criticizing her instead of helping her get healthy and make a healthy life style change to support her?

Answer 11

If you/she/he was fat when they married you and you haven't changed then they have no room to complain. If you were a size 6 and ballooned to as size 16 then I could see being upset by that. I think a lot of it is in the way they approach you. If they bring it up during an argument then I think they are trying to be hurtful and not helpful. Some people are just abusive when it comes to a person's weight. If, on the other hand, they come to you and act concerned about your health then I don't think you should get mad though I can see someone like myself still feeling hurt but knowing he was right.  

Answer 12

I would change.  I want the s*x to still be coming and if I let myself get fat then that would just turn him off.

Answer 13

Pandora, Thank you for bringing this into the light.Love and marriage is supposed to be an eternal commitment. Real love comes from the heart and soul our bodies are just what containes them. When I was married I was the thin one but  I didn"t mind cause we are who we are.

Answer 14

I'm sure that was just one of the many ways he failed to express his love and care for her. Nobody divorces over being called 1 name.

I am overweight-and it's a constant struggle with my weight. I can tell you I would be hurt if my husband called me fat considering how hard I work at keeping it in check.

Answer 15

I weight less now then when we married. I'm 5'9" at 170. At this point he's telling me he wants a skinny wife. I work out every day and watch what I eat. Its not like I dont try. He says I need to lipo my arms or do serious personal training to lose the last 10-20lbs. Its destroyed me inside. Its probably going to cause us to divorce. Isnt this pathetic??? He has always been super fit.

Answer 16

I have little regard for lack of action.  In fact, I am completely turned off by somebody that doesn't even try.  On the other hand, this is no secret.  If i am dating someone I let them know that I can tolerate change, but I cannot tolerate laziness.  

Answer 17

If you have a spouse who is so insensitive as to call you fat, then its probably time to kick him with to the curb.   If you think that calling someone fat is just telling the truth, then someone needs to kick you to the curb and keep on kicking until you get a little bit less baffeled.  

Answer 18

When a spouse complains about weight there is usually something else going on.  My hubby is overweight but I still think he is the sexiest thing on the planet...it is only when I am upset with him that the weight crosses my mind.  If a person gains weight, due to childbirth or whatever, you help them, you do not call them names.  Spouses that do that want to hurt the other person.  It is that simple.

Answer 19

in pre-marital counseling, the counselor had my husband and i actually talk about this. he figured, if we're attracted to each other going into the marriage, what do we do if one day one of us kind of lets ourselves go? we decided that we'd approach each other about exercising and eating better. i mean, who doesn't want their hubby to think their hot? it's worth the work... although it's pretty dang hard work

Answer 20

I would be hurt but still respect the fact that he was real enough to tell me because after all he is my best friend so if he won't tell me who will?  If I had a child then that would explain the weight gain and I would ask him to join me walking or working out.  Then, I would cook the healthiest meals and if he doesn't like it  I would tell him this is what overweight people need to focus on to stay fit and that I need his support not criticism.