How's my poem?

Question

A play on words.

A single joke.

A silly pun

Gives us high hope.

For in the end

All that matters

Is a constant laugh

A constant chatter.

Answer 1

ha.  that's pretty good

Answer 2

You Know What, This Isn't Horrible, Not Great Either Though!

You Start With "A" Too Often.

The Flow's Aright. :]

Answer 3

I don't know why they don't like it, I think its pretty good, needs work though..

Answer 4

its good but this is my opinion an someone that has been doing poetry for years and has never got any bad criticism (except for spell and grammar) and it is good but sounds like beginner poetry no offense. {:-)}

Answer 5

Your poem isn't so bad and it shows some potential in you.  

The balance is a bit off, but that isn't a big deal.

I'm not sure I would agree that laughter and chatter are all that matter, but I understand the sentiment behind it.

The "s"  on matter throws the rhyme with chatter.  Perhaps change the line to "All that will matter"

joke and hope are not a rhyme, but what the heck.   Maybe hope wasn't the word you were searching for?   Maybe poke?  Like "gives the ribs a poke"   Or maybe "folks"?  Or you could rearrange the first three lines so that you are rhyming with work or pun.

Anyway, free style is okay and all poetry is something that comes from within...like art and music.  Don't let people put you down.   Keep expressing yourself and the knack of it will grow.  

There is no such thing as a bad poem really....when you think about it.   There is amateur maybe, but not bad.   All poetry bears a message of some sort....so how is that bad?

When I write a poem, I like to put it away for a bit and then read it again.   It helps me to know if the balance feels good or not and if I see something wrong I have a fresh perspective to correct it.  

Keep writing....it's good for you.

-Audrey

Answer 6

I like its short comedy. I agree the constant chatter isn't what we need in life but at the same time i believe that its up to the writer. So i like it and keep producing this great stuff.

Answer 7

Hmmm.... short and sweet; I liked it. But I think the line "gives us high hope" has too many syllables. Just "gives us hope" would flow better in my opinion. Also, at the end I would just say "constant chatter, " instead of "a constant chatter". And are you sure laughter and chatter are all that matter in the end? I  see what you're getting at, but your theme comes off as kind of superficial. Still a pretty good poem overall.

Answer 8

Sucks!!! Go watch the Notebook.

Answer 9

pathetic, sucks