How's this for a love poem?

Question

THE DAY THE SUN REFUSED TO SHINE

The day the sun refused to shine

Was the day you said you were no longer mine.

That day the rivers all dried up

And all the plants and flowers wilted.

The coffee soured in my cup

With the news that I'd been jilted.

I took me sadly to my bed

And vowed that I would live no more.

A hard black stone be laid at my head,

To tell what grief from love I bore.

Answer 1

I like the images and rhymes.  Perhaps revising the lines to keep a beat pattern would help to make this shine more.  Your first 4 lines are: 8,11,8,9.  Just a thought.

Answer 2

It's pretty darn good =] !

Answer 3

Ah, sweet memories of youth!

Answer 4

I actually really good.

Answer 5

good job! :D  

Answer 6

Very good.  Worth rereading.

Answer 7

Set it to music, sing it through your nose and you can have the next great Nashville country hit.

Seriously, nice poem.  Unfortunately I can identify with it for parts of my life.

Answer 8

its really good!

but keep the rhyme scheme consistent.

Answer 9

Reminds me of Greensleeves