How's this poem???

Question

Sleeping in A dream filled.

world.

Surely. No.

Hilltops scream.

Heights.

Higher and higher.

Gone. Hill.

Fortune.

No thanks.

Food.Yes please.

Wolve.

Hunts.

Wolves.

Hunt.

Desire.

Despare.

Despire.

Word game.

Awaking.

Wakining.

Dream world that no longer.

Exists

Answer 1

Sleeping in A dream filled. **why is the 'a' capitalized? and the '.' after filled? if it is to separate 'dream filled' and 'world' i think having them on separate lines is suitable**

world.

Surely. No.

Hilltops scream.

Heights.

Higher and higher. **these last few lines have great personification, i'm not sure if this is what you mean, but i envision the hilltops actually growing and becoming vertigo inducing mountains**

Gone. Hill.

Fortune.

No thanks.

Food.Yes please. **choose a fulfilling life, even in sleep, over the superficial and monetary :)**

Wolf.

Hunts.

Wolves.

Hunt. **the parallel between self and group is good, i like the contrast between the plural and singular ie wolf is singular and hunts would seem to be a plural whereas wolves is the plural and hunt would be singular**

Desire.

Despair.

Despire.

Word game. **the word game is that to desire is to despair and 'despire' would be the sum of the two words. right?**

Awaking.

Wakening.

Dream world that no longer.

Exists **because you woke up**

i really like it, i would prefer a little bit more description of the scene[s], but as it is it works very much like the memory of a dream, a bit disjointed and subconscious. very good. thank you for sharing.

Answer 2

I think it needs to be refined a little, it's a good base though, it captures a lot of emotion in a seemingly simplistic style. There are a few spelling mistakes. I think you mean wolf instead of wolve? n_n; And, despair is spelled as such, as is wakening, and I'm not sure what despire is. ^-^;

Answer 3

brilliant

Answer 4

It is totally cool. I love how much emotion it has with a few words.

Answer 5

WOW THATS AWSOME IT IZ GREAT!