How Can I Stay Positive During Baby Shower?

Question

My sister-n-law has planned her baby shower the exact same day that I was due with my baby before I had my miscarriage. I want to be positive but it is really hard to be excited. I feel like I should take a shot of tequilla or something before I go. Any Real Suggestions?

Answer 1

aww you poor thing thats kind of inconsiderate of her did she know your babys due date??

i think your a verry strong person for going to support her

just rember that you will have your baby when the times right and try not to get to upset

xoxo

Answer 2

You’re still young, there’s plenty of time for you to have a baby later.

Some people will never have the opportunity to have a baby. So consider yourself lucky.

Answer 3

First of all I am very sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is.  Just remind yourself that you are there for your little niece/nephew to be...It wont change the day I know but it might help bring a smile to your face knowing that you at least get to help someone celebrate a new borns life.  I would stay away from the sauce though it might make the day more depressing.  

Answer 4

if you feel that strong about it dont go. drop her gift off or send it with another relative. instead do something like getting a manicure or pedicure or go shopping something that will keep your mind off of it.  

Answer 5

That is what I would do, but it would be more like 4 shots.  I had a stillborn in 2004, day after Thanksgiving.  So I know what you mean, only I have to go through a "family affair" every year.

Answer 6

Im really sorry for your heart breaking loss! =( this must be hard!...

Just try remembering that although you were unlucky and suffered a loss, this baby shower is for your neice/nephew, I have neices and its wonderful having someone to spoil before you have your own children! Neices and Nephews are the closest thing to your own and Im sure when you get there you will find it isnt as bad as you thought!

You will get another chance for your own, everything happens for a reason! when your meant to have a baby you will have a perfect one! =)

Does your sister-in-law know that this is the same day? you could speak to her and tell her that you want to come but ifyou get too emotional you will quietly leave! just so she knows how your feeling and not to worry if you disappear on the day!

I hope you go and enjoy it as much as you can and hopefully youll be on Yanswers talking about you own baby shower one day soon! =)

Answer 7

First I am very sorry to here about your loss. If it is going to make you sad then don't go, send a gift by someone else or give her one at a later date. I'm not saying stay home but there is no need for you to go and be reminded... Also, it seems very insensitive of your sil to have her shower on that day. Do you have some form of support?

Answer 8

Excuse yourself from her shower but give her a gift just tell her how hard it is for you right now

Answer 9

I Know How you feel! Last year my sister in-law was pregnant when I miscarried, Everything made me cry for the whole month! It was the hardest thing to keep inside. Just talk to your honey about any feelings you have inside.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for your loss i know how it feels to loss a baby i don't have any suggests hope it all goes well for you I had a baby shower to go to about a week after my m/c and i just didn't go but i guess you cant really do that  

Answer 11

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what that's like, I have never been through it. If I were you, I just wouldn't go if you think it will get you that down. If they know what went on at all, they will understand. {hugs} I hope things will get better for you soon.

Answer 12

That was insensitive if her :(

Or she don't know.

Buy her a gift and drop it off early with  a good excuse.If you just can't make yourself go.

But if you sorta HAVE to go...Drag your best friend with you so when it gets painful you can squeeze her hand, and she can squeeze it right back ....If it gets too much she can say I need to pick up some(BLAH Blah ) so I need to go...and I brought Annie so she needs to go to...then laugh like idiots, thank the hostess...wish the pregnant one good luck and go have a drink...whew that's over. I am so sorry about your baby.I am sad for you.God Bless you if you go and God bless you if you don't.

Answer 13

I think you should talk to her about it because i dont see how she could do this it seems a really insensitive thing to do. Maybe she's just exited and overlooked what happened to you. If she realises what she's done then maybe she will change the dates??  

Answer 14

No.  Don't drink.  Probably won't help much.  In fact, it will probably make things worse.

This is a real toughie.  Did she know?  I feel for you!  How awful!  Can you beg off and just buy her a present?  I know that's probably not the best solution, but it might be the only way.

Is there time to ask her to change it?  Wait!  SHE is planning HER baby shower????  What is THAT all about?   Your FRIENDS plan your shower.  You don't plan it for yourself!  That's tacky!  

Answer 15

I'm so sorry for your loss. You really need to do what's best for you. If you don't think you can make it through the shower, don't go. Your sister-in-law should understand- I know I sure would. Just bring her the gift another time.  

Answer 16

Im so sorry. A miscarriage is an awful thing to go through.

I wouldnt go. It would be really hard to go there with a smile on your face, and it might get too much for you.

You should plan to do something nice with you and your husband on that day. A nice rememberance day as a family.

I dont think it was very considerate of your SIL to plan that day on your baby's due date.

Just tell her the truth and she will understand.

Answer 17

I'm so sorry for your loss!  I am going through the same thing.  My sister and I found out we were pregnant around the same time.  Her due date being about 3-4 weeks before mine. I had a molar pregnancy 9 weeks along. Because I live far away the first time I'd be able to see her baby happens to be my due date. I am so excited for her, but sad and jealous too.   I think a shot of tequilla is a great idea!  Also any time any one gives you the pity look or asks when you're going to try again keep track and after you leave take a shot for every two that you got!  Good Luck!

Answer 18

Losing a baby must be so hard... and it must hurt a lot worse when she's having her shower on what would have been your due date.  My thoughts and prayers are with you...  Have you talked with your sister-in-law and told her how you feel?  Was it just forgetfullness that she planned this on a day where she should have showed more sympathy and love for you?  Let her know how you feel, but do it in a nice way - don't accuse her of anything.  If you genuinely cannot put on a happy face for her that day, explain to her that you love her and your soon-to-be niece/nephew, but due to the circumstances, you hope that she understands that you cannot be there that day because of what it would have meant - and does mean - to you.  She should understand that!

Answer 19

During your time of loss is sometimes the best time to strengthen your relationship with your spouse/significant other and your faith. It is hard to fathom now, but loss makes us stronger in the long run and in turn we are able to help others deal with difficult times because we have been through them ourselves. You will never know how your strength may help your sister in law with an issue she has not shared with you yet.

One thing is that you should give yourself time to grieve. It is your right. You did lose a child and no one can say otherwise. It is ok and healthy to be sad. Once you do that, you have to make it up in your mind that for the next pregnancy, that you want to be as health and happy as possible. You can't do that if you are living in the past. This also means that you have to allow yourself to be happy for others and move forward with your life. some women feel that miscarrying is their fault and its not. Most times, it is nature's way of correcting a situation that was not meant to be at that moment.

Maybe you need some closure. I know some people actually have memorial services or do something to acknowledge this baby and then put it to rest. If you haven't done this, its like he or she is still there and at some point you will have to let go to prepare for the next child.

Maybe you could set aside some time BEFORE the baby shower to go out with your sister in law. Do something fun like getting some lunch or getting your nails done. Then go to a quiet place and just ask her to be your ear. Tell her that you want to be happy for her ,but you are still grieving because you lost your child and its birthday would have been the same day as her shower. If you are honest with her about your grief right now, she may be more understanding at the time of her shower. if you show up and are visibly upset and sulking, she will resent you for raining on her parade. The shower is her celebration and she may feel that you are not contributing positively to her day. Having her know before hand will make her more cognizant of your feelings and how that celebration is affecting your emotions about events in your personal life at that moment and she will try to make you feel as special as she does on that day because you were honest beforehand.

I hope this helps.  

Answer 20

That's pretty hard. That kind of stuff definitely hits close to home. For those in your family who know of what happened, will be compassionate and may even uplift your spirits. You can go to the shower and know that even though god took one angel he needed more than you, you can still conceive again and wishful thinking...this could be you showered with gifts a year from now !!! Best of Luck...I hope this helped!

Answer 21

You have a moral dilemma. You could sulk and make her happy day about yourself, or you could take the high road, and do the right thing by being a good friend and sister in law. While the loss of a fetus is painful, this occasion is not about that, and just b/c the due date that never materialized happens to be on the same day is no excuse to allow yourself to wallow in self pity. There is only a 3% chance anyway that babies actually arrive on their due dates, so this date is really meaningless. It's time to grow up and allow your good character to help you rise above a situation that has nothing to do with your unfortunate event. Is anyone dying? Do you have cancer? Is someone in your family suffering from a deadly disease? These are reasons that would merit being down. Miss-carriages happen everyday, they are extremely common, and often times a way for your body to rid itself of a fetus that is sick. Don't let this define you. I am sure you will have a beautiful baby when the time is right. In the meantime, do the right thing.

Answer 22

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I do think that is very insensitive of your sister-n-law to plan the baby shower the same day (or at the very least, even if it was planned for awhile, it should have been moved a week ahead or something).  Anyway, it is not necessary to be positive or cheery or anything.  I would just go late (like right before the food), smile politely, try to start conversations with relatives that you like about anything and everything not baby related, stay for the gift opening, and then be the first one out.  If it's in a hall type place, you'll have better luck - you can kind of get lost in the crowd.  If it's at a home, try to do things to keep yourself occupied - like help out with the kitchen duties (serving, clearing plates, load dishwasher, etc.)

Answer 23

Ouch, can you talk to her about it perhaps ask if she'd be willing to change the date of her shower? That's really painful for you I know the due date of the baby I lost I took a day off work and stayed home for a good cry all day long it was't a pleasant thing. I honestly can't imagine having to go to a baby shower. Alternatively maybe you can explain your feelings to her and if she can't or won't change the date then perhaps you can give it a miss and make it up to her another way. As a mum to be herself she should surely understand. Unfortunately I can't think of anything that will make that easier for you I would really try to have her change the date or just not go if it were me. Good luck whatever you do

Answer 24

Awww honey,  I am so sry about your miscarriage. I know this has to be so hard for you. I have been TTC for 3 years with no luck and have been to about a dozen or more baby showers in the last year. All I can say to you is to ACT like your happy. You have every right to be upset and she should understand. If you go and start to feel uncomfortable just say that you need to leave. I know this isnt easy for you but I give you so much credit for going and trying to stick it out. Good luck hun. All my best =]  

Answer 25

I wouldn't go.  Send a gift and a card and tell her your honest reason in private.  She should have been more considerate.

Answer 26

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Honestly, I would drop a gift off a couple days before the shower and not attend. I know after my last loss there were 3 women who were due either the same week as me or a few weeks after me. When it came time for their baby showers, I could not bring myself to go and instead gave them a gift on their last day at work. I knew I couldn't bring myself to go since I knew that several of the people that were attending the showers were pregnant and I just couldn't be around all of it.