How Do I Convert To Judaism......?

Question

I have wanted to convert to Judaism for a few years now, it makes a lot of sense to me and I feel like I have come home when I speak to Jewish people. I even spoke to a Rabbi and he said I had passed the test to prove I wanted to convert (I had to visit, ring and email him about a hundred times before he would even listen to what I had to say), but there is one BIG obstacle in the way.

My husband. I don't care much for my family but my husband is very important to me, however I know if I tell him that I want to convert to Judaism he will divorce me. I cannot explain how important converting is to me and I know he will never understand. I know I will be better off without him and the conversion will be that much easier but I have no idea what to do, I feel so stuck!!

Any ideas how I can convert without him finding out?

Answer 1

I doubt that a rabbi would accept you as a student if he knew your husband would divorce you. And no, you can't keep him from finding out if you're going to go the whole way and keep kosher, etc.

Becoming a Jewish convert is a long, slow process. They don't just take people. You have to study for a long time. I had a friend in college who had done this, and even if you join a Reformed congregation, it involves months of classes in history, Hebrew, theology etc. and you do have exams--first by your rabbi and then by a panel of other rabbis. If you're interested in orthodoxy it will be even tougher. As I said, they don't just take people on. They will try to discourage you every step of the way because (in case you didn't know) being Jewish is sometimes not an advantage, if you know any world history. And yes, history does repeat itself. So they want you to be sure this is really what you want to do, not just a passing thing.

But driving a wedge between a man and his wife? That I think would get you more than discouraged. They're not heavily into promoting dishonesty, hypocrisy and divorce.

Take a long look at the motivations behind your choices. Then, talk to a rabbi.

Answer 2

You must "obey" your husband

Answer 3

Try talking to him. And yes, you have to go through a lot of ceremony to convert. I'm not entirely sure what. You can still do the rituals without actually converting, however. I know someone who is technically jewish (Believes in Adonai, celebrates the holidays, fasts) who hasn't converted yet.

Answer 4

Firstly, you won't have to approach any Rabbi that many times. It will be THREE at the most, and maybe not even that. And it's just to test your sincerity, it's nothing personal.

Secondly, is your husband an anti semite? Why else would he divorce you for your interest in Judaism?

Thirdly: please ignore the person who says her friend is 'technically jewish'. No such thing. Up and until the moment the conversion is completed, the person is not Jewish. A person is either Jewish or they are not. No such thing as being 'technically jewish'.

Fourthly: you need to make two appointments, in my humble opinion:

The first, with a counsellor, or marriage guidance counsellor.

The second with either this or another Rabbi so that you can have a proper conversation about conversion. No Rabbi will want to be involved in your marriage breaking up, so you need to decide what's really going on with you and your husband. I'm sure any decent Rabbi will be happy to talk to you :)

http://www.ajewwithaview.com

Answer 5

http://www.aish.com/literacy/judaism123/...

Answer 6

You can't convert without him finding out.  A Rabbi won't let you go through the process without it fitting into your life.

It's time to do some soul searching.  Maybe start with a good therapist.  (There are plenty of so-so ones, so look until you find one that feels right & HELPS you sort things out without judgement of you.)

If you are better off without him, you've answered your own question.  You have a new path in front of you that feels right, & an old path that doesn't.  (both in relationships, & religion)  However, you have to resolve the relationship one, and see who you are, before you start another big change.

You can talk to a Rabbi about this.  Remember the Rabbi's job is to discourage you from converting.  He'll want to make sure you are committed, ready, & it's right for you.  It's okay to take time on this whole pathway.  Life is a journey.  Judaism is a journey, so you'd be beginning your Jewish life even at that level.

Consider telling your husband.  If might go better than you think.  If not, then consider that a marriage should support & enhance your life --  not restrict your valves by someone else's.

All the best with this journey.  Maybe say a traveler's prayer, take a deep breath, & get started?

=======

To clarify on vassesm answer:

Other than Orthodox, all the branches would consider you married.  Orthodox may vary from group to group, but i'm much less familar.

Answer 7

the difficulty getting the Rabbi's attention should have been clue enough....

But your family doesn't matter to you and you'd be better off without your husband..

Sounds like you've pigeon-holed the situation to only one possible outcome..so what did you mean, "I don't know what to do?"

Answer 8

Such major issues should not be kept secret in a marriage.

Answer 9

If you are intent of converting, then you should do so, but.................if you say that your husband will divorce you, if you truly wish to stay married to him, you'll most likely have to do what alot practitioners of Wicca do (for fear of public ridicule, family members, etc.) - you'll have to practice in secret, until which (no pun intended) you decide that you wish to openly practice and don't care about what anyone else says or feels.

Good luck on your quest in Judiasm.  It's a BEAUTIFUL religion.

Have a lovely rest of the day.  Bright Blessings.

Answer 10

If your husband would leave you over your religious choice, then maybe you should ask yourself if you should be married to him.  Also, you don't have to convert to anything. Just believe what you want to believe.

Answer 11

Whoa, whoa, whoa....  Try marriage counseling first, then if you're still committed to Judaism visit a rabbi together with your husband.  No rabbi will recommend divorce in order to convert to Judaism.  Your marriage and family are more important than any religion.

All the righteous of the nations have a share in the World to Come regardless of religion, or lack thereof!

.

Answer 12

Oh , your husband. Actually, God doesn't want Jews to marry non-Jews. Especially if you want to convert Orthodox. So you have to pick between Judaism and your husband. It would also be really hard for you to keep all the laws , while living in a non-Jewish household.

"however I know if I tell him that I want to convert to Judaism he will divorce me"

Oh. Well,why would you want to live with such a husband anyway? I can't believe your religion is more important to him than you are.

"I know I will be better off without him " - That sums it all up.

Go and convert , especially since the Rabbi said you passed the test that you're sincere in your desire to convert. Judaism is a lovely religion.

But perhaps you could discuss the issue with your Rabbi and your husband. You don't have to convert , you know. The righteous of all nations have a place in the world to come - but I'm sure you already know that.

Answer 13

If you want to find God it is much easier than a 100 email/phones for God to answer you...If your husband will divorce you he is shallow...and not worthy of your love...but God will call you to peace...find the God of Abraham but not by those who still await the Messiah....for he has come....God Bless.

www.watchtower.org

Answer 14

counseling then if all fails divorce and get all that out of the way because even if he was behind you 1000% you will not be considered married in all denominations of Judaism because he is a non jew and you guys didnt have a Jewish wedding. I advise getting all that out of the way. I teach Judaism classes for free(check profile for links) and many of my students convert together with their spouse to get all these out of the way. But if he isnt behind you and you wont be considered married in Jewish law then jsut divorce him. Because he isnt fulfilling the "for richer or poorer,sickness and in health" he doesnt understand it has nothing to do with health or money. It means being with your spouse thought all situations and you both made a mistake if he wont be there because that will get in the way of your conversion.

If you have more questions on Judaism or this then message me so i can explain more because you are better off divorcing if you are sure you want to be Jewish. But i as well ask for you to go though counsuling if you feel there is a chance though.

Answer 15

"I know I will be better off without him"

I don't believe anything else you said matters like that does.

Answer 16

It's impossible to harmonize two contradictory positions. You take the first one and leave the other or viceversa. There's no way out of this dilemma.Take it or leave it!.