How Do I Cope With Life After Rape and Herpes?

Question

I was raped and now I have herpes. I am so depressed. I am suicidal right now. I feel so powerless. I told my Mom and she ignored it. It was so weird.....I told her exactly what happened then she just watched her TV shows like usual.

i hate life. Someone on here said that maybe I was acting like a tease. I was not!!!! I hate people saying mean things on here. Someone told me to keep my nasy infections to myself. I cannot take it anymore. I cannot take having this disease. I would die if someone found out.

I can never have a boyfriend or get married. All my dreams are shattered. My whole life I have felt powerless. I was raped at age 18. However, the guy told everyone it was consentual, and my bf dumped me because of it. I didnt' tell the cops bc everyone was calling me a w***e. Everyone said I was a "tease." I was so powerless. When I went to college I was stalked...Again nothing I can do because I am powerless. And now I was raped and given herpes...except nothing i can do. It has been 10 months so now it is too late to do anything. I will always have herpes and have to tell my future husband about it.

I wish that guy told me his status or even gave me the option to engage in sexual activity. I would do anything to go back in time and just stay in my house my whole life.

i hate colelge i used to have straight A's. However, I dropped out of school becasue of the depression from herpes. The school starts on monday and i am seeing a psychologist that is helping me to get into classes on monday.....but i dont know if i could even pay attention in class, all i think about is herpes.

my dream was to be a lawyer. However, i will always wish that back when i was raped i had enough money to see a real lawyer and make criminal charges. the guy threatned my life. i felt so powerless.

i dont nkow what to do. i want to kill myself. my dad has a gun in the front closet should i use it? i hate having herpes. i hate the stigma. i would have never thought in a milion years i would have to worry about this.

why doesnt my mom listne. why does the nurse give me dirty looks? IHATE THE CONSTNAT ITCHING i have constnat itching and i cannot sleep. i have to excuse myself in public and go to the restroom to scratch

i am so depressed. please help PLEASE HELP ME . can i ever get married? Could i just not ever get married and have a baby thru artificial insemination? then i wont have to tell anyone i have herpes????

Answer 1

First - I am so sorry that this happened to you, this is a terrible situation to be in and I can totally understand your feeling depressed.  Even though you went through the trauma of rape, and even though you are having to deal with everyone around you acting this way (and I am seriously disappointed in them all, especially your mother - that's just unbelievable), and even though you now have herpes, that does NOT mean your life is over.  I think it might help if you knew a little more about herpes; it's really not an uncommon disease to have, and the longer you have it, the less your symptoms become.

There are a number of viruses in the herpesvirus family.  They include the virus that causes mono, the virus that causes chickenpox, and the two viruses that cause genital herpes and cold sores.  Up to 70% of the population has the virus that causes cold sores - up to 10% has the virus that causes genital herpes.  Think about that.  1 in every 10 people has genital herpes.  You are absolutely not alone in this.  You are unfortunate in that you have outbreaks (a lot of people can have the virus but not get the sores and not even know they're infected), but those can be treated.  I strongly urge you to go talk to a doctor and get on antiviral therapy, there is no reason for you to live with constant itching and discomfort.

There are support groups for people with herpes.  It sounds like it would be a good idea for you to find one, so that you can talk to other people who have this virus and they can help you understand that it's just a virus, that it doesn't mean your life is over or that you're a bad person.  You can get married and yes, you can have children.

There are also support groups for people who have been raped.  I think you would probably benefit from meeting with one of these as well.  I'm frankly astounded that your mom didn't pay more attention to you - it sounds like maybe it was just too much for her to deal with.  I'm glad that you're seeing a psychologist, but unfortunately there are no instant fixes for emotional trauma.  

You're in a really tough spot through no fault of your own, but you absolutely can get through this, rise above it and go on to live a full and complete life.  I wish you the very best - I wouldn't want anyone I know (even the people I hate) to go through what you've been through.  Please hang in there, you're far too young to give up on life just because some guy was colossally pigheaded and didn't care about the effects of his actions.

Answer 2

I am so sorry, for you, the last thing u need is someone feeling sorry for you, wow u been through alot and i don't think your a w***e or a tease, wait no your dad has a gun don't do it don't shoot, your self, just because u have herpes doesn't mean your life is over. look on the internet, and find people who have herpes, and find what they did. trust me your life is not over. look deep into yourself. U ot raped that's so dramatic and i am so sorry, that happened to you, but don't let that guy who raped you ruin your life. go for what u want in life. if u want moree advice or u want to talk my email isdaydreamerr8hot maill.com

my website, is www.jasmine4real.webs.com i have hotmaill to.

Answer 3

Yes, you can get married!  Your life isn't over because you have a disease or because you were raped.  They are terrible things, absolutely awful, but nothing, NOTHING is worth killing yourself over.  There are meds now that can really help control the outbreaks and help prevent you spreading it to a partner.  Please talk to a counselor, a doctor, who can help.

Answer 4

I would seriously recommend moving away, making a fresh start where nobody thinks badly of you. Tell your mum that you can't stand how she acts and that you need to get away.

I think it was a mistake to not tell the police about it, though I doubt your chances of getting him charged this late. If you really want to get him charged, go ahead, but it will be a long and difficult process.

I think you can buy cooling gel you can rub on the sores, to stop them from itching. There are a lot of creams such as hydrocortisone which are fantastic on things like eczema that may help, but you'd best check with a pharmacist as this may cause irritation or similar.

Answer 5

of course you can get married...herpes is a HUGE deal but when you have someone to get through it with it makes it not as big of a deal...make your mom care our have you psychiologist tell her...dont go through tihs alone...herpes donesnt have to be the onky thing on you rmind...you can still have your dreams you will just have to work a little bit harder to make them come through...i dont know what its liek to have herpes or be raped but i do know that nothing is bad enough to take your life...everything can be solved or worked out have faith.

Answer 6

1st. Your mom is not listening because she doesn't want to deal with it. 2nd there's medicine for herpes.3rd u can get married but your husband has got to be told,because if u don,t tell him & he gets it from u he'll probably think u cheated on him .& u can have kids.I was raped when I was 17 & I'm now 52' but it still seems as if it happened yesterday. I promise u that life will get better.It's just gonna take time.Have u tried talking to some one else other than your mom? try your local health dept. they can refer u to a support group. killing yourself is not the answer.It's not fair to u. u did nothing wrong. It's NOT your fault. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Yes you can still live life and get married and everything else you dream of. talk to your doctor about the herpes, there are treatments out there that can do alot of amazing things even make it stop being itchy. i was raped wen i was only eight years old, i didn't tell anyone. its been eight years now since i was raped and i haven'r done anything about it. i was threatened before he did it to me. i remember everything exactly the same, i even remember his first name, his mums name and his brothers name an not only that but he was also my next door neighbour. i'm living with a burden over my head every single day but i always try and live everyday as normal as possible so no one notices anything. report him to the police while you still can. i know that if i report my rape to the police they will look for him because i was only eight, if i report him that day will come back to haunt him. i'm pretty sure the police will still get him if you report him now. go talk to a doctor report to the police and try and do something to get on with life something that will not make think about it now so much. if you don't report him people will just keep on laughing at you and think that your not serious and he'll end up winning but if you do then people will see that your serious and then they won't be like that anymore and he will get wat he deserves. Good Luck x

P.S

us rape victims need to stay strong.  

Answer 8

I got it too.  It is a big deal, but look at it realisticly.  You need to be smarter now, much smarter.  Yes - you can get married.  But do take it very, very slowly.  Get medical help>

About your life- get you get help to help with the rape?  There are many people in the mental health field out there.  No - your not crazy.

  Next - approach everything separately.  What about school or training for a new career!  Once you get busy and stay focused - you''ll be too busy and feeling better to worry.  

Answer 9

see a counselor or a psychiatrist. They don't judge you and are understanding. Look around till you find one you like and they can build your self confidence and make things a lot easier to cope

Answer 10

The same way you did before

Answer 11

life isn't worth living.

Answer 12

it's not too late!!

rape has a statute of limitations of 5 years

so if you wait 5 years then it will be too late, but it's not right now!

go report it to the police!

even if he says it was consensual, juries usually side with the victim

and if people knew what really happened then maybe they would stop giving you the dirty looks and give them to the guy

it kinda sounds like you knew the guy since people know about it and he's telling them it was mutual

but why are they giving you dirty looks if they don't know you have herpes?

are they only giving them too you because they know you had s*x?

it seems that if everyone is calling you a w***e, that would be more incentive for you to go to the police because then everyone would know it's wasn't your fault

and if you can't afford a lawyer then just report it to the police and you never know, they may be able to provide you with a lawyer

i don't know where you live, but in houston there is this program that my mom works for where people can get free law advice if they don't have a lot of money

it's called houston volunteer lawyers program (HVLP)

so maybe you can look on the internet or in a phonebook to see if you have something like that in your city

but please, whatever you do, do not kill yourself!!!

nothing, i repeat nothing, is worth killing yourself over!!

you are not powerless!

speak up for yourself!!!

these days they have medicines that can reduce outbreaks

and yes you can still get married!!

you just need to find a mature, sweet guy who doesn't care and loves you for you

maybe  you mom doesn't listen because she doesn't want to deal with the fact that her daughter has herpes and wants to pretend like nothing ever happened and everything is normal

talk to her and ask her why she won't listen and tell her how much it hurts you that she won't listen

i really really hope everything works out for you and please please please do not kill yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you'll get through this!!!

Answer 13

ok sweetheat first of all ur mom is a selfish bithc.second herpes is more common then u think.my best friend has it from her boyfriend.i know all about it.listen to me now,first thing first.there is no cure for herpes we all know but what u dont know right now is this that the outbreaks r worst only in the first year & a half.after that u might have it only once in a year or may be not for many years altogether.there is a tablet called LOVIR for it.whenever u have the outbreak start taking the tablets 3 times a day for next five days.u can either take 250 mg or 500 mg.there is also a cream cald ZOVIRAX abbly it on the affected area.please dont scratch it because after scratching if u touch ur hand anywhere else in ur body then u might infect that area as well.so always wash ur hands in case u touched it there.one more thing the biggest thing that triggers the outbreak is stress & overweight.reduce stress & do exersise & u will completely win it.as for children & marrige yes ofcource u can have it.my friend has three kids & happily married.when the right man comes along it will all happen.& a good & edjucated man will know all about it sweety.please pull ur self together.let ur mom go to h**l.let everyone of ur friend go to h**l.god is watching & i m sure there will be a payback time for all of them.please contact me if u want to ask anything at all no matter how small.i know it seems really impossible at the moment but there is hope.with the right medesions & lifestyle u wont have any outbreaks for years.listen to so many people trying to help u here.we r all here for u.