How Do I Get My Husbands "Good-For-Nothing" Ex-Wife to Stop Asking Him For Money? Our Money Now!?

Question

First - a little advice for those of you who are ex-wives ... LEARN A TRADE FOR GOD SAKE!!

Secondly - I am the New Woman in the picture ... period!

I am not the type who allow "exes" to call my home at any hour asking "my" husband for OUR money. I don't care how many brats you share with him - there is a time and a place for that type of nonsense - and the time and place is not our home!

I personally feel it's about time his ex goes back into the work force and start taking care of her own children! She needs to stop depending on the Child Support she receives from "my" husband as her only source of income. Get a job woman!

If she is not going to take into consideration the needs of me - the new woman, then she needs to at least have some respect for herself and those "snot-nose kids" and get a job! Why is she bugging my husband?

She refuses to take into consideration us - and the fact that her ex-husband now has new responsibilities. We have a home, we're putting in a pool, responsibilities, bills and oh my goodness ... GAS prices are making it harder and harder to drive to work everyday - - - but you're asking us for money?? What about "our" life? What about my needs?

Pestering him for funds needs to take a back seat when it comes to the new wife? She should get a job and handle her own business. But - how do I get her to understand this though?

Answer 1

Agreed, every woman should know how to care for themselves and their children.  Dependency should be reserved for times when the woman needs to study to better herself, if she is terminally ill, suffering from a severe form of depression or after having a baby.

However, since they share children, unfortunately I have to say that she is in the picture for the long haul.  At least until all the kids have left home or are independent.  And, as a second wife, you have an obligation to your husbands children from the first marriage.  Whilst she probably uses the children as an excuse to extract funds from him, your husband is being put in a very difficult situation of trying to please everybody.  This can potentially damage your relationship.  You know the saying . . . couples often stay in their first marriages for the sake of their children, but couples in a second marriage often divorce because of the children.  I understand your predicament, it does put you in a rock and a hard place.  However, you did know when you married this man that he had previous responsibilities.  Children come first, always - nagging ex wife or not.

It is the worst feeling to feel like you come second but try see yourself coming second to his children and not his ex-wife.  This is the only way you can feel empowered by this very difficult situation.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

She will never understand!  She could careless about you and your new life with him.  She will try to make it as hard as h**l for you to be comfortable in this relationship.  Realistically, she may never feel that she has to pull her own weight to help take care of the children.  She does have a financial responsibility to the kids and so does your husband.  You have to deal with this reality since you married a man with children.  You do need to set boundaries on when she calls your home, she shouldn't be calling all the time.  Maybe he should just pay a set amount through child support where she gets money sent to her monthly and then he will not have to worry about her calling constantly.  I am sorry you have to deal with this, unfortunately some women who are bitter, like to brag about their ex taking care of them.  She obviously has no motivation about herself if she is only relying on his money to live on for the rest of her life.  Good Luck.

Answer 3

When you say "brats" are you referring to your step-kids? If so then you are in a tough spot. Trust me. I'm there.

First and foremost remember that ultimately it doesn't concern you. I had a really hard time accepting that. It really doesn't concern you. BUT you need to express your feelings to your husband and tell him that her behavior is uncalled for and you are prepared to do something about it.

If she doesn't work and can't take care of her kids then maybe she shouldn't have them. Also is she on any federal assistance? If so maybe you can report her. Federal assistance is not there to let people stay home whenever they want but to HELP  get them get on their feet. That is what I would do.

I would just talk to your husband and tell him he needs to do something about it. You are his wife and you should be number one in his life.  

Answer 4

You know how you don't care about her ... well reality check. She doesn't give a f*ck that you are the new woman in her ex-husband's, babies daddy's life.

Tell your husband to only pay her child support as he should have to take care of his own children and they will always be his responsibility whether you like it or not and find a hobbie or something else to worry about

Answer 5

ha, You will always be second in his life, he has those kids and they will always come before you.  And there is a theory that the majority of men always have feelings for the mother of their children.  

Answer 6

I see you are back again, huh?  Didn't learn the first time, did you?  Grow up and find a new hobby, this one is old now.

Answer 7

OMG tell me you are joking and this isn't really how you feel.  

Answer 8

First of all you will always be second!  Those children he has with his first wife will ALWAYS be before YOU. That is what you NEED to understand. I truly hope your husband see's what you wrote about there kids, and throws your azz out!  

They are THERE kids, not his or hers...Just wait till them kids get older, they get more expensive!!!  

Answer 9

I hate to say it, but YOU married the situation.  Child support doesn't just go away, because he's remarried.  

Answer 10

LOL.............The funniest part of all this is it should be your husband you should be mad at not her....she obviously gets what she wants when she calls so that's why she keeps doing it because he allows it! Does your husband know you talk like that about his kids???? I bet not, you need to slow your roll....

Answer 11

You can't you got baby momma drama!

Answer 12

you mean your husbands "snot-nose kids"...NEWS FLASH...they are part of the package baby and they aren't going ANYWHERE!  Sounds like your husband has a thing for money hungry women.  I'm sure she has her own issues but it sounds like before those are addressed you need to calm down.  Oh, and YOU dont even talk to her...let your husband deal with that.  

Have fun swiming in your pool while they are sitting in the dark because they couldnt pay their electricity bill.

Answer 13

Looks like yourself isn't understanding the situation you got yourself into . he was married before so whether you like or not he has kids . guess what those kids you re calling names are actually his whether you like or not . are you kidding?  you sound like you are the problem to me.if you dind twant to tdeal with an ex wife and step kids you shouldnt have married somebody husband or ex husband . talking about putting in a pool!  your needs?

you ve done pissing me off now  

Answer 14

oh my god... does your hubby know about all those thought that you have, does he really know how selfish, how bad hearted and how fake you are???

mdm, you're a woman also, try put yourself in the ex position before you make such nasty comments, and please note that those "snot-nose kids" are your hubby fresh and blood. you should actually consider yourself lucky that you found yourself a hubby that's not like you otherwise i bet you soon will join the ex club too, during then we'll all wait and see how your hubby gonna just throw the kids to you, leaving you alone to support the kids all by yourself, spending all you time working and working non-stop just to make end meet, and still need spend times on your kids, worry about their behaviour, education etc... and your hubby will just enjoy his new life with his new gf or wife or whoever but just not you.

haiz... you're really a shame for us woman  

Answer 15

troll

Answer 16

Goodness, we're bitter, aren't we?  Sure feel sorry for your husband!

And no, I am not an ex-wife with children as you may think.

Answer 17

Well - I'm with you on some points and against you on others.  Here's the deal.

Against you:  Your husband has a duty to help provide for the children that he created before the two of you were together.  He does need to pay his ex wife the amount of child support that the court ordered him to pay.

With you:  HE NEEDS TO PAY NO MORE THAN THAT, PERIOD.  I hate the ex wives who call up the father of their children and whine and complain that the child support isn't enough.  Yes it is enough, that's why the court chose that amount.  If you need more money, go and get a job yourself.  If you already have a job, go get a 2nd job.  If your ex is paying you the court mandated child support, that's ALL your ex needs to pay you, period.

So, long story short.. make sure your husband pays what the court ordered him to.  Also, make sure you make that selfish ex wife stop calling your house and harassing him for extra money.  

Good luck!

Answer 18

OMG I am appalled and sickened by what you wrote, and I pray this could not possibly be what you feel inside.  Your husband and his ex brought children into this world together - before you came onto the scene - they both has a responsibility to provide for those children - and your husbands part of that responsibility does in fact come WAY before you, your new pool, your lifestyle and your needs.  God I hope you are truly not that selfish and self centered as you have just come across and that you are somehow playing a weird joke here.  If not, shame shame shame on you!

Answer 19

Just wait till he divorces your sorry butt - you'll be singing the same tune.

Grow up.  

Answer 20

Wow.....You've got issues!!

I live on BOTH sides of this fence, sister - and let me tell you - I would NOT respect MY man if he turned his back on the children HE made...

ISSUES! There are doctors who can help you manage that!

Answer 21

Have you tried screaming in her ear?  Probably.  You seem like the "type".  You also "seem" like "the" type to put "quotation" marks "around" random words.  

I'm not bothering with this question.  Your day will come and when it does, you'll see.

Answer 22

you sound like a brat!!!!!  if 'those "snot-nose kids" ' are his, then he has a responsibility to pay for them.. that is the result of s*x and divorce... you need to get over it and quit being a selfish *****... you are going to complain because you are putting in a pool? WAH!!!!! you signed up for that life when you said "I DO"... you think you are some princess or something? I feel sorry for him... you will probably be divorced very soon if you keep this up....

Answer 23

Wow, you sound like a real sweet heart.....you are right, how dare this woman ask the father of her kids to live up to his responsibilities and support them. She must be crazy!

He should be spending all his money on his new hoe, uh, I mean woman! Funk the kids......

Answer 24

1.  If the child support is court mandated, you don't have a choice but to put up with it.

2.  If he is giving child support because he actually cares about the welfare of his children, good for him.

3.  If he is giving money above and beyond this, you need to have a talk with your husband.

4.  You can't stop her from asking...you can try to stop him from giving (beyond his legal and ethical obligations).

Answer 25

WHOOOOAAA !!!!!!!!!! Hold up ! Take a Valium for God sake !!!

Where do you get off calling the children " brats and snot nosed kids " ? They did not ask to be born . They are now a victim of circumstance .

And to say they are HER kids , I hate to tell you this but she did not create those children on her own . Your husband at that time was right there helping her to create those kids .

And could you please explain how your pool and " your " needs compare to that of of the children ?

Children need a roof over their head,food to eat,clothes to wear,medical needs,dental needs, schooling , ect.

And all of this is not just a one time deal this will be required for the next 18 years .

And you honestly think that your pool is more important than them ?

What the h**l is wrong with you ?

You knew going into this marriage that he had children , and knowing how you feel towards children why did you go through with this marriage ?

And just how do you know if there isn't some legitimate reason that she is not working right now ?

Yes I agree that women should get back into the work force after having children if it is at all possible . But that does NOT relieve the father of his financial responsibility to care for his children .

He helped make them so he needs to be a man and take care of his children .

There are already enough dead beat dads out there why do you want to add another to the list ? Just for your own selfish needs & wants ?

Boo Hoo , poor you !

Second of all DO NOT include all ex wives in your little drama scene .

And you better be very careful because at the rate that you are going and the attitude that you have you are about to join the ex wives club .

Answer 26

Haven't any idea of where in the world you live but where I am the kids best interest is always taken into consideration by the courts.  If the ex remarries a millionaire it doesn't matter the biological father is still responsible financially for his kids.  And the new wife, new kids, new house etc, etc, etc. don't matter one iota to the courts.  I am a male and have been through this cycle, luckily my kids are all grown adults now.  But until they were all out of school and/or 18 years old I was responsible for them   Two of them ended up coming and living with me and my new wife as they didn't get along with their mother.  So then I did not have to pay her for child support but in reality ended up costing more, but I don't give a d**n as I got to watch and help raise my kids right.  How in the world would you handle it if these snotty nose children wanted to come and live with you and your husband.   If you or he can speak with his ex and tell her the proper time to call your house then she may not be calling in the middle of the night.  I really hope that you do not being that woman and that your relationship is happily ever after.  But trust me if you go around speaking of his kids the way you are presently you have about as much of a chance of having a successful marriage as I do of becoming the next Wayne Gretzky.  Best of luck.

Answer 27

I guess you would have to set guidelines as far as what time she can call if she is calling in the middle of the night. Does he have a court order child support? If not maybe he would need to look into that so that this can stop.

In the meantime...try to be understanding and ignore if possible...they do have children together and you probably dont know the whole ordeal....

IGNORING IS THE BEST DEFENSE....TRY IT..

like u said u are the new woman so wear your crown with dignity...lol

Answer 28

You say "her children", isn't he still their father? And what about your needs?  The man has children to support, those responsibilities don't just go away because he divorced the mother.

Does he know that you refer to his children as "snot-nose kids" ? You aren't willing to share in his responsibilities to his children, but you say OUR MONEY, no problem sharing that.  I don't give this relationship much of a chance.  Sorry to say, but you sound petty and jealous of her.  You might consider a trade for yourself, I figure you'll be one of those ex-wives in two or three years...

Answer 29

The are not her brats. They are the children of your husband and the ex. She has every right to call and ask for money to help raise them. They will never go away. Just because they are divorced doesn't mean the ex and the children will disappear so you can start a new family with the husband. If you think that they you will always be unhappy and probably be ex wife #2.

You knew all about this before you sad I DO to this man. This is not something new. The very reason by you don't marry someone with baggage and ex wives you can't stand. Because as long as the kids are alive the ex will be in the picture.

Get used to it. You have the money to put in a pool so don't complain about gas prices. She will ask for money from now until the kids graduate college. Probably ask for money to help pay for their weddings too. Start saving.  

Answer 30

I think everyone is missing your point.  You aren't saying you resent the money he gives her to support his children, you resent that she won't go out and get a job to support HERSELF and asks him for money.  That's understandable, it would upset anyone I am sure.  I think people who've read it think you want him to cut them off altogether which isn't what you're saying at all.  

Answer 31

Well first, they are his kids and he is legally responsible to help pay for their upbringing. Secondly the amount that he pays should be a set dollar figure based upon his income and set by your local state's guidelines or court ruling and has nothing to do with the amount of money she makes. But she can't just call up and ask for money on a whim. It's your husbands fault for enabling that. Tell him to get a spine and stand up to her.