How Do I deal with the way my boyfriend punishes my child???

Question

I just posted a question about my boyfriend punishing my son and I got some great answers but I want to add some details: My son was made to sit and watch the other child play video games but not on the tv screen he wasnt allowed to look at the screen and I dont want my son to hate my boyfriend or hate his soon to be step brother. Both the boys were naughty last night and I didnt think that it was fair that he was made to just sit there I think maybe he should have been put to bed or in a different room. Part of the problem is that he wouldnt have done that to his son it would have been that neither one of them would have been able to play if it was his son that wasnt listening. Like I said I felt that it was ok for his son to be able to play it just wasnt fair for my child to have to sit there and watch when I know he wouldnt do that to his son.

Answer 1

You've got a nerve to be sitting at the computer asking strangers about whether it was right for your boyfriend to discipline your son in a way you didn't feel was right. Never mind your son hating your boyfriend, he'll grow up hating you. If you don't learn to stand up for beliefs and values and parenting skills.

He is YOUR child, so discipline him how YOU feel is right.

And never again sit by and let someone treat your child like cack while you are sitting watching. Grow some balls.

Answer 2

Talk to him about having fair punishment for both children. Do you treat his son unfairly? It may be hard to do for awhile, but you need to check each other. If he can't stand punishing them equally, your son comes first and he should be left. If he is the right one though, you need to try and work through this. It will only make you stronger.

Good Luck! God Bless!

Answer 3

my solution would be to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him you are the onlu one to punish ur kids cause if you let him do it now he wsont stop and ur son might recent you when he gets older so take charge now

Answer 4

Kids come first. Talk it out. What he did was wrong. you both need to make discipline decisions together. If this is a problem for him then you need to move on. Do not pick any man over your son IF you are worried about this.. It will only get worse. and you will be stuck in the middle. As his mother you get to say NO to your BF. Just remember do it away from the kids.. you don't want them to know that you fight about them... it hurts them and makes them feel bad.

I say make rules.. Write them down and use them for both boys. If the misbehave then they get sent to the bedroom.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

I really hate to sound harsh, but I can't help what I am about to say:

I honestly loathe people like you.....children, especially your own children ALWAYS COME FIRST!  -  I am sorry for your situation, that you are a single mom, and I completely understand that you have needs and desires too that don't involve your kids (we are only human) but - you do this at your own time.  Not until you know a man so well you know your going to marry him at some point do you introduce your child to him, then you watch their interaction with each other for a LONG time, then YOU DECIDE on if you should stay with this new man.  Once you had a child, this life was no longer about you, it is about that child until that child is an adult.  So you pick your son over this man, wait till your son is a man, then you can have any jerk you want in your life, end of story.  Don't put that kid of yours on the back burner, he and you will be burned in the end if you do!

Answer 6

Get rid of the boyfriend your CHILD comes first

Answer 7

You boyfriend has no RIGHT to punish or discipline your child at all!  You're not doing YOUR job as this child mother by allowing someone who is NOT this child's parent discipline him.  He is YOUR son, YOU discipline him PERIOD.

Answer 8

Who's more important to you, the boyfriend or the son?  You'd best settle this now before it's irreversible.  It is your duty to protect your son.  Not saying the step-dad shouldn't punish at all - but you need to have some 'adults-only' conversations on this topic.  How is it when you have to punish his son?  Iron this stuff out now for the good of all.  Maybe a family sit-down after you and the fiance have had some long talks.  There will be some adjustment issues, and it will take everyone's understanding to get through them.

Best wishes!

Answer 9

I would leave him your kid comes first and things just get worse. He needs to treat them the same and no favoritism. Like you said he would of not did that to his son. Tell him something dont let him be that way. Good Luck

Answer 10

First of all is he your boyfriend or fiance? Second it already sounds like you have a problem. Before you get married you need to discuss how discipline will be handled.

Answer 11

You should be the only one who decides what your child's punishments are.

You need to make that very very clear to your boyfriend.

I think you should leave this guy.  I know you probably won't, but you at least need to let him know that their are rules to his being with your child.

Answer 12

Whether the punishment was warranted or fair isn't really the issue here.  What's truly important is that the two of you understand and respect each other as parents, both in the lives of your own children and in the lives of the other children in the home.  

It doesn't sound like you do.  

Why would you want to continue living with someone who you don't respect and who doesn't respect you?

Sit down & really talk about child-rearing, parenting, goals, hopes, methods.  Make sure you both really listen to the other person, too.  See if you can come to a place where you respect and admire each other as parents.  If not, I suggest that you move on.  Parenting is too big of a responsibility in each of your lives to compromise on it to fulfill romantic desires.

Answer 13

Well hon, this is how it will be the rest of their lives fair or not.

You aren't married just shacking so leave.

If not then you need to  tell him  both kids get the same punishment for the same thing unless your kid is 12 and his is 2.

Tell me, what did YOUR kid DO?

If he is  good to his kid and mean to yours then YOU  are as BAD  a PARENT as your b/f for ALLOWING this to continue.

Next, the boys will grow up to see women as s*x toys to be used at will, seeing your being used as one, because  you are not married, you are on permanent trial basis.

Answer 14

Get talking! Suggest that you both agree on the same rules for both boys as otherwise you will worry that one of them will feel it's not fair - which of course it isn't!. It will make life clearer and easier for you all, especially if you have a family meeting and all discuss the family rules . Good luck!

Answer 15

heyy

omg !!

do sumfink now i am 13 and fings lyk dat will affect him when hes older ...there could be all sorts of fings going through his head he could feel not loved or anything your boyfriend sounds just ,lyk my dad use to be and believe me dont put your son through dat u need to talk to your bf  and if it gets bad then im sorry but then you need to leave him ........he is a horrible man now do whatz ryt !!.......gd luck ! xx

Answer 16

always hard, you will always protect your child, but if you trust your partner you will have to go with the flow, if not get out hard my love

Answer 17

tell your boyfriend to calm down on the punishing!