How Do You Feel at Family Reunions?

Question

Where people get out old photos and compare genetic traits etc etc

It makes me feel a bit left out when people are saying what 'runs in the family'

Is it just me?

Answer 1

I don't go to them.  They make me uncomfortable.  I'm not only adopted but also much less well-off than others in my a'family.  Also, everyone else is married and has kids.  I have nothing in common with these folks on any number of levels.

Answer 2

I've never been to a family reunion where people take out old photos, so I guess it's hard for me to answer that one.  But with regards to family reunions - I attend both my adoptive family reunions and my bio-family reunions.  I am very close with my bio Aunt & Uncle and their children.  They weren't allowed to be in contact with me until I turned 18, because of the situation with my bio parents, but they never forgot that I was part of their family and as soon as I turned 18, I started getting the family reunion invites.  It's great going to the picnics - on both sides - and enjoying each other's company.  I don't focus on whether or not I look like people or share the same characteristics with them.  I focus on spending time with the people I love - regardless of whether it is because of foster care or not.

Answer 3

I love them, but i agree with you 100%

Answer 4

As an adoptee and as an adoptive parent- I will be answering this from both sides of the coin.   When I was growing up, my parents family lived 1,000's of miles away so we did not see each other that often- however when we did , it never bothered me- I think it depends on how it is approached.  When we adopted our 2 children- they never felt bad either on my side of the family- however when my husband's mother would say things like- "you don't look like any of my other grandchildren" then that affected them.  It depends on the heart of the people, I think.

Answer 5

my adoptive family has annual bbq's and gatherings to celebrate their large family. I mean like 50 or 60 people from around the area all coming together to celebrate their.... connection.

I wore the family t-shirt. I stood in all of the pictures, I smiled, i played along, but yep, I always felt left out. 2 of my cousins are adopted also and we used to sulk about the stupidness of the bbq's, when really, we just wanted one of our own to celebrate OUR coming into the world and WHO we came from.

its not just you.

You know whats really wierd is some of the idiots would tell me how I was growing up to look just like my dad... NEWSFLASH white skin, light hair, green eyes doesn't look like olive skin, dark hair, blue eyes.

some people say the stupidest things.

Answer 6

It isn't just you.  I feel the same way, even tho my adoptive father could have been my bio one.  We both have blonde hair and green eyes, it still is always in the back of my mind that i didn't get them from him.  And it always feels like they're looking at me a little strangely, like they are thinking that too. so it isn't just you...

Answer 7

I am sooooo glad we never had that sort of thing.  I had a bad enough time as a kid knowing that I had features that didn't match the rest of the family.  Back in the 1960's and 1970's "celebrate diversity" wasn't a big concept yet!

ETA: Rachel made me laugh, as I often thank my natural dad for the wild red mop I have on my head!

Answer 8

not too much. i actually am quite glad about much of this. i pick on my sister though, she got alot of the genetics i would never want. she takes it well though.

i have accepted my differences. its ok, i do feel more like the family friend that is hanging around though. i have my own set of "runs in the family" lori once told me she had a grandmother straight from ireland and she had the biggest 'turkey gobbler' under her chin and it jiggled when she talked. ahhh, cant wait for that one!

i bet no one means any disrespect to you. all famlies do this, just because we are adopted doesnt mean they should not be allowed to. i highly doubt anyone is saying "hey, lets get out the old albums and see how uncomfortable we can make heather, that would be fun!"

its just things famlies do.

we are just different. and thats ok, if it wasnt for us oddballs life would be so dull.

besides i have personally called lori on a number of occations to "thank" her for her crappy veins, which require surgury. and her curvy behind which makes pants shopping oh so much fun.

try to laugh it off, there is absolutely nothing that will change the fact you are adopted and dont have that link the rest of them do. it may bother you but why stress about something you have no control over? you will surely drive yourself insane with this over time.