How Do You Stop A Toddler From Saying I Hate You?

Question

ok, of course I do not speak like this at home but she has found these words and uses them against me when I tell her she can not do something, that she wants to do.

The first time I heard it I was shocked and hurt but I then said I love you and she said, "No! I hate you I said." That made her mad.

But now hearing those words just makes me so upset because I give her my all, quality time and everything, and there is nothing worse than hearing those words. So now instead of telling her I love her back I use my firm voice and remind her of the alternative words we can use like I am upset,

she tries it a few times but resorted right back to I hate you because she knows that will make me upset.

She puts together so many words, & mean phrases and I do not know where she gets it from, I am a stay at home mom and there is minimal t.v. and computer and I monitor that all. She does visit her dad once in a while.

I just want to know an effective way to get her to stop saying that.

Answer 1

You seem to be a great dedicated loving mom.  Perhaps you can consider using the positive reinforcement and always positive approach and just not hear those words, and make no response, and show no emotion to the phrase.  She will lose the power that she had in the phrase and maybe will quite using the words.  You have already explained that you know it is better for her to use explaining words when she is genuinely worried or hurt or distressed, such as I am upset because I really want all the cookies, instead of just using the i hate phrase.

Answer 2

She has no clue what "I hate you" means.  She has heard it and is simply repeating the words.  She knows that whomever or wherever she heard them from was angry when they spoke those words so when she is angry she uses them.  Stop making it a major issue because it isn't one.  I suggest you talk to her father about what she is learning at his home and the two of you need to be on the same page when it comes to what she does at BOTH your homes.  As for what to do when she says "I hate you"  tell her that the line forms on the right and to take a number.

Answer 3

At this age, a child isn't wishy-washy about her feelings. She feels one emotion at a time, and it's all-encompassing. It's why she's happy with a passion or angry with a vengeance. So when things are good, they're very good, and your preschooler adores you. But when things don't go her way, she feels that life is bad, that you're bad — and that she hates you.

Though you may be tempted to, avoid responding to your child's "I hate you!" with "Well, I love you." This will only shame her. And saying, "You know you love Mommy," or "There's no reason to get so upset!" belittles her very real feelings.

Remember that your child is still learning to manage her emotions. She needs help expressing her feelings, and her way of asking for help is to play a kind of emotional charade game: She acts out her feelings, and it's up to you to figure out what she's getting at and how to help her. The best way to do this is to name and acknowledge her emotions without judging them. Show her — without mocking — what her balled fists, scrunched face, and assertive stance look like. Then name the emotions for her: "I can tell from the way you're acting that you feel angry. You seem frustrated that you can't get that dress on your doll." If she nods in agreement, follow up with, "That's very upsetting!"

Next, help her voice her feelings in a more appropriate way: "When you feel this way, use your words to tell me, 'I feel angry. Please help.' " Finally, help your child see her options. "You could ask Mommy to dress the doll," you might suggest, or "We could put away the doll for a little while and read a book together." Giving choices is also helpful when your child lashes out because she can't have something she wants: "Cookies are for after lunch; you may have some grapes or a banana this morning."

Although your child's verbal assaults can be hurtful, do your best not to take them personally. After all, she's merely copying what she's seen you and others do in many situations — that is, translating a strong emotion into a simple word: "I hate waiting for the bus!" or "I hate it when the phone rings during dinner!" for example. Most important, remind yourself that your preschooler's behavior is normal, and in no way indicates how she really feels about you.

http://www.babyuniversity.com/forums/sho...

Good Luck!!!!

Answer 4

tell her that dont hate her you love her with all your heart. but some times kids dont no the meanings of word ask her what hate means. hope i have helped. Amy x

Answer 5

I was once told that the best form of discipline is "to catch a child doing something right".

Perhaps reward her each time she says "I love you or I like you".

Also, often we as parents are saying "no"to our children to protect them from getting hurt. Within reason, I would suggest that you let her pay the consequence of her actions without making you feel the pain. For example this is a conversation that happening with my then 2 yr old.

M: "Honey stop putting turning the element on, you could burn yourself

H: "No"

M "Ok, it's your choice, you can choose to listen to Mummy or you can choose to disobey. If you disobey and get burnt, then it's your own fault - Mama tried look after you and you said no.

Of course she burnt her hand and I was there to cuddle her and take care of her. She kept saying "I'm sorry Mama". All of a sudden I was the hero and not the mean Mama.

You have to be reasonable, if she would run with sizzors then I would scream at her to stop. I know in this situation that the element wasn't really on - it was just warming up  - timing was in my favor, any longer and I would have made her stop.

Still there's a point in there somewhere .. I think :-)

It may be good to talk to her Dad about it ... She must be hearing it form somewhere .. kids don't come up with that by there own at that age.

Answer 6

Don't shout at her for it, or she'll do it all the more. Just ignore it, though you won't want to.

Answer 7

It IS a phase.  I say "Well, I love you." and then just ignore it when it is said again.  They grow out of it and it means nothing.

Answer 8

Don't show her that you are upset. Tell her that she has to say she is sorry and if she refuses, put her in time-out. When you go to get her out of time-out tell her that she again, has to say she is sorry, and if she refuses again, time-out again until she does. She will learn that if she doesn't want to be isolated wioth no toys or TV that she had better not say that to you.

Answer 9

ask her "what does that mean?" if she can't tell you then she doesn't need to be saying it. tell her that if she doesn't know what a word means, not to say it.. tell her to come to you first and ask. but really, ask her father what she watches over his place and who she is around. or tell her that hate really means love!!!! then she will start saying I love you!

Answer 10

Oh, boy. My nephew went through that little phase when he was that age. It passed, finally, he just did it to try to get a reaction out of his mom when he couldn't get his way. Being his aunt and babysitter when she worked, he tried it on me, too. But I just ignored it, didn't show any reaction and told him, "well, it is still bedtime, like it or not" or, "it is still time to come in for the evening, I am sorry you feel that way" very calmly. Kids don't realize just how hurtful those words are meant to be, they see it on television or hear other kids say it and they have an idea that it is supposed to get a reaction.

Answer 11

Sounds like you already have the right  idea just keep doing it.  It may take time to change just keep it up.

Answer 12

Just keep answering, But I love You.  Next, find out where she is hearing this type of language.  She has to be mimicking something she has heard.

Answer 13

um she is more than likely getting it from her father who more than likely as a girlfriend and they are trying to get the child to stay with them.

Answer 14

I went through this as well and came up with a sure way to nip it in the bud. Next time she says "I hate you", simply respond with ok  and then continue with what you are doing.  Don't give her any reaction with your face or body language. She will quickly realize that saying these words no longer have any effect and she will get bored with it. Don't take it personal. She is too young to mean anything and really just hates the fact that she can't do everything that she wants.

Kids put together their own sentences. She knows hate is a powerful word and has heard it on other contexts. When she used it against you you got upset and she thought, aha, I have a little power over mommy :) That is very appealing to toddlers and they will milk it for all they can.

Good luck I hope this works for you!