How Do you handle a pessimistic mom?

Question

Ok, so my mom has had a rough past and she says that that's the reason she is the way she is. By pessimistic I mean she complains about everything and your never right with her. We have been getting at each other lately and I just need major help.

There is this guy that I recently started talking to again. We dated last year and hung out almost every day. After we split he dated this other girl and my mom saw that he was all over her in public.

Me and this guy were never like that when we dated.

She beleives we were though. She hates him. She will not let me hang out with him for anything and it tears me up, ..... I love him.

She atually called me an idiot and a moron for likeing him. The reason she said she didn't care for him was because he is apparently ugly and stupid. Which he is neither to me. I can't hold a relationship with him if she won't let me even speak to him. I am 15 and he is 17 by the way. I need help.

Any ideas how I could get her to lighten up and convience her to let me see him again, even as friends?

He vollenteered to talk to my mom but she refused.

I can't handle her anymore, I think I am going into a depression. : (

Help me.

Answer 1

Just an observation, what mom is doing seems a good way to drive you two together.

We "older and wiser" also must remember having to learn our own hard lessons. We can't direct a teenager to avoid our mistakes or have them believe everything we tell them.

A comment: You broke up with him before? Why? What has changed with him?

Look at this as an outsider. Does Mom have a point? What was his relationship with the old girlfriend? How did he behave? Why did they break up? In short, what does Mom see?

Just as Mom's behavior will push you together, will your issues with her also influence you? Will it blind you to his faults and warning signs.

Find another adult. Ask them to check this out, both with Mom and with yourself.

Answer 2

wel your mom is right i hate to let you know you are 15 and hes 17 what is he looking for? s*x i am sure. you are not old enough hes got to know you are jail bate for him you aren't 16 and if he beds you you can put him in jail or your mom can shes so right date soeone or like someone your own age. ths not good for you and therefore hes all over the other girl i bet you can't guess what he was gettin from her and you are next for sure take care.

Answer 3

This isn't necessarily an answer, more of a I'm stuck in the same boat, only the other side. My ex-girlfriend's mom sounds a lot like your mom. Yet in some ways she did like the calm, quiet me, but not the loud obnoxious 16 year old that I become whenever I went to their house. It didn't help though that I didn't really support anything she did, but I got her to try new things. My ex loved me for me, and I was crazy about her. I will say that her mom was a big factor in the breakup... it kinda sucks because I miss my ex a ton, and we've only been apart for less than a month. Anyways... not really an answer, more of you're not alone when it comes to sucky moms. Hope you get what you want!

Answer 4

Although I don't think it's right for your mom to say that he's ugly and an idiot, I agree that the difference of age is important here.  2 years is nothing most of the time, but when you get into the teens, it means a lot.

To convince your mom to even see him as a friend...well, try sending her an email or writting a letter expressing how you feel.  Don't be mean or impolite in your letter, just state facts and how you perceive them. Leave the letter for her to read and give her time.  Give it to her before you go to school in the morning or something....

You also need to figure out why you want to see this guy so much when your mom doesn't want you around him.  The fact that he was all over another girl in public is obviously bugging her.  It would bug me too as a mother.  

As sure as I am here right now, you will find the right guy for you.  I know that you feel right now that he is the right guy but try looking at it through your mother's eyes....  I know and I remember being a teen; it's not easy...Keep busy with your girlfriends, talk it over with them too.  Keep a diary and write out your feelings, but don't dwell on them.  Keep your mind busy too in a positive way.

Good luck and make the right choice...

Answer 5

First off, worst case scenario, I know it stinks, but if it doesn't happen, you'll get over it. Second, you are 1 year too young to make any decisions for yourself, depending on where you live, so just wait it out!

Lol, but seriously. The conversation needs to start with:

"Mom, can I just talk to you without you telling me anything for 5 minutes, and please hear what I have to say, because when you don't it makes me feel like I am worthless to you.."

If she agrees, start the next part with: "You already know what this is about, I do not want you to not trust me, which is why this got brought up in the first place, and I need you to understand something.... Then tell her how you feel."

If all that does not work, get people on your side, like guidance counselors, and have him show up at her job with flowers and stuff.

Force is ok, when the intentions are good.

Or just sneak out, that's what I did.

Lol, I am not condoning it though.