How How How do I stop my sister?

Question

I spoke to my sister on numerous occasions about sneaking her boyfriend into my mother’s home. She has a 3 year old daughter and at nights she would put my niece to sleep on a mattress on the floor and she and her boyfriend sleeps on the bed. When he leaves in the morning she pushes the mattress under her bed and put s my niece back on the bed. Last night he came in around 10:30pm and left around 5am. Because the door closest to our part of the house makes noise when it is opened she walks him past my mother’s bedroom door which is usually open, towards another door to let him out. My mother does not like this guy and recently she has been dealing with high blood pressure and on medication. We have had soooo much issue with my sister – cooking our food to give this guy, bringing his clothes to wash at our house. My mother is so torn up, upset and disappointed in my sister’s behavior that I am afraid to tell her that the guy is now sleeping in her house.

My sister and I both moved back home last year after college and personally I am trying to get myself financially stable so that I can move out, however I feel like I need to be there to protect my mother because most of the time she is unaware of the sick stuff my sister tries to get away with. My sister works but recklessly spends her money so she will not be able to move out anytime soon. My mother is the kind of mom who would not put us out so that is not an option.

I was soooo mad this morning, I really just wanted to slap some sense into my sister. I have spoken to her before and now I don’t know what to do to deal with this situation. My only plan of action right now is to get rid of the mattress she puts my niece to sleep on and threaten to tell my niece’s dad about what is going on. However the thought of talking to my sister about this issue AGAIN makes me sick. I am basically just so tired and worn thin from dealing with this mess, I just am at a lost of what I can do. Can anyone offer me any advice?

Answer 1

you just need to talk to your mom because she needs to put her foot down.that is her house and I'm sure your mom is about respect and your sister is totally disrespecting your mom and her house.your sister is a mother herself and she needs to realize that its about time she grows up and stop acting like a d**n teenager.you should not feel afraid to tell your mom about your sister.i understand that you are trying to get yourself financially ready and that is exactlly what your sister needs to be doing speically with a 3 year old and you need to help her realize that.i think that if you tell your nieces father if he wants he could take her to court to try to get custody of her if he wanted.he could use that to say she is not a stable mother.that may scare her and she may change.you will never know unless you try.i know its hard to tell family the truth specially when you love them dearly,just let her know that you will always be there for her.i hope evrything works out for you and your family.

Answer 2

She needs to grow up and respect the woman in the other room.  Your mother's responsibility ended to your sister the day she turned 18.  I understand your mother, wanting to help her daughter and grandchild, but apparently your sister has no respect or appreciation for it.  I can also sympathsize with keeping it from your mom, I'm the oldest of  3 girls and our mother freaks too so we sometimes have to do the same.  Your only alternative is to tell your sister point blank that if she doesn't stop not only are you going to tell her child's father but threaten (whether you do or not) to bring it to your mother's attention.  Honestly, approach her with this scenario..."What kind of parent puts her child on the floor, regardless of a mattress, to have s*x with her man in the same room?"  Does she contribute to the household financially?  Maybe you could even approach this guy, maybe suggesting he chip in with h20, power, food, etc. see if that might curb the behaviour too.  Good Luck

Answer 3

well look the door and sleep by the door, so when he comes to the door dont let him in and dont let your sister let him in

Answer 4

I understand the frustration. Sometimes we get to the point with people where we either continue to stress ourselves out or have to protect ourselves and do what is right for everyone involved even if it means possibly breaking ties.

Your sister NEEDS to know that her bringing the boyfriend into the house is not OK. She has a daughter and should be thinking of her first and foremost.

She should also be thinking about the fact that your mom suffers from HBP and is kind enough to allow the two of you to live with her. There are not many parents who are willing to let their adult children move back in with them. She should not take advantage of that because, as nice as your mom may be and as much as you say kicking your sister out is not an option, it may come down to that if your mom's HBP cannot be controlled. You need to get stress out of her life and it seems like your sister's relationship is the biggest stress factor.

Your sister also should be reminded that she doesn't need another baby right now and even with protected s*x, she could get pregnant and the guy will most likely take off.

You and your mom are not automatic babysitters and that child will grow up feeling neglected and unloved if she continues to move her around to accomodate the boyfriend.

Is your mom willing to make rules? The two of you may be adults but there can still be rules. Home by a certain time, Help financially with all groceries and pay for everything her daughter needs on her own. Even if your mom wanted to start charging rent of some sort, she could still make rules. Apartment buildings and hotel rooms have rules too. No guests after 10 pm it seems would be a good one.

It sounds to me like your sister is wanting to be an adult (having a boyfriend stay over, staying out late) but doesn't want the responsibilities (caring for her daughter, not spending her money frivolously) that come along with it.

It's unfortunate but it may come down to you having to make her move out or having to call your niece's dad and have him take care of his daughter since it seems your sister really doesn't want to. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to get you back on track. It sounds to me like your sister may need that.

In any case, good luck.

Answer 5

i think you should tell someone and make your sister be responsible you dont want your mom to find out just tell your sister that she has to stop if she doesnt tell your mom and hope for the best.i think that is sooo wrong for your sis to be doing that with your niece mabye you should tell your sis that you want to have a sleepover with your niece for a couple of day to protect her.