How I should handle this situation? Just your point of view.? From a ladies point of view as well.?

Question

Let say that you was with someone for 3 years and decided to separated to work on your self and your kids. You tell the other person that they need to do the same. The kids did not get along well. 5 boys what you expect. This person blames you for many things that you did not do in the relationship, like emotional support or communicate like you should. We had our issues. The kids played a big part of the split up. My kids and her did not get along. She was over protective of hers. I understand that. I still tried to treat them like my on. I felt it was my falt, but now I realized that I did more for them then she claims. I supported us all while she did school. She quite that since she left. She wanted marriage and I was scared. I really want to marry her and expressed this to her and she feels it is not a good time for us to live together. I agree. We both are going to church and I started counciling for me and the boys. She claims to do the same. We will see. She said it was wrong to live together and not be married. I agree.

Well she is 6 hours from us and I just don't see how it is going to work. She say that it is nothing wrong with putting our relationship on hold until we get ourself and our kids straight. I agree, but not at 6 hour away. I feel that we need to be closer in order to work on this together until we feel it is time to go to the next step (marriage and move back together). She don't see it that way.

We she left alot of stuff her and she got the van that I bought for us. She got mad, cause i said I want it back. Is that wron?. I feel that she is taking advantage of me. She left with no home and no job with her 3 boys, left alot of stuff here. Only tooh clothes and don't know when she can come back to get some more stuff.. I asked her if she was talking to other guys on line and she said no. No guys at all, she do talk to a guy friend that I don't feel two good about. I told her that it was not fair to me is she was. She said no man and is not ready to be in a realationship right now. She said she don't know what the future will bring.

Well I kind of found out the day before today that she was talking to two guys online. Don't know whats the deal, this is why I asked to see if she would lie. Well she did. It might be nothing going on, but I should know. I would not lie to her. She got mad, cause i asked. So what you think? Is she looking for someone and then dump me for good or should I take it lightly. I know for a fact that she is talking to other men. I don't know what the intention to it. Half of me feel like giving her the time and half on me wants to get my van back give her stuff and be done. Alot of people now tell me that they felt that she was taking advantage of me when we lived together. What should I do?

Answer 1

You don't need proof.  You need to cut the ties.  If she really loves you, why did she move so far away?  If you two didn't get along because of the children, then move close enough so that you could still see each other and date.

I think that the word "Marriage" scared her.  She fled in desperation.  She didn't know what else to do.  He kids come first, and so should yours.  Deal with them and their lives, and then if you two are still interested, get back together.  Live, love and laugh after the kids are old enough to get along without so many head games on your parts.

Answer 2

ask her to remove her belongings, forget about her, and move on, life is too short to hang around waiting waiting.

Answer 3

If you trust her,give her some time,she might be going through what you are going through. But if you think she is that type of person that can't handle a family, than she is using your marriage to support herself or she is just not the right person for you. Give her 1 week to 3 weeks to herself, if she doesn't have an answer after that,ask her about a divorce.

Good Luck

Answer 4

if your not on the same level of discipline with kids involved it is never going to work , people do not like to see other people discipline their children in a different fashion than they would have.It is part of that "parental bear" syndrome . your not on the sam level your doomed

Answer 5

Maybe she's trying to end the relationship i.e. all of the excuses.

If your relationship is worth saving then let her know how you truly feel about everything including the issue you have with the distance between the two of you. You also need to ask yourself how long are you willing to wait  for her to decide when she's ready to be in a relationship or at least talk about where the relationship is headed. If she is looking for or has found someone else then except  it for what it is and move on. It is so important for you and her  to communicate with each other as honestly as possible because you both have kids involved.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Bottom line is if she was happy she would have stayed and helped the kids get along. Are you prepared to wait years until the kids are grown up and not an issue. My advice would be to let her go, ask for your van back, not in an overbearing way, but to tell her to get it back to you as soon as she can and collect her things. Then to concentrate on your relationship with your two boys. Once you are settled as a family with your kids, you will have the confidence and stability to consider a relationship when the right one comes along. You'll also be wiser.

Answer 7

well, if shes 6 hours awayi dont see how you are going to "work" on anything. For the most part you will just be away from eachother until she starts missing you then starts all over with the drama again. If you both really want to work it out and have a family together someday then I would reccomend you getting counciling together maybe church counciling. But if ole girl just took off with your ride and can't speak then its sounds like shes just doing her. as far as the guys online, most likely she is just talking to them. having convo and prolly trying to build herself up.no big deal, but depending on how long that goes on..and how long you guys aren't "working" on your relationship, she could find another dude. so i dunno how strong your love is to tell you for sure what to do. she could change her mind tomorrow and say "you know what, i love you too much to live this far apart" or she could end up saying "it's not worth it to me to try harder and change some things"   i would suggest talking with her is possible and just saying "i want this relationship to work and will do my part to mend it, but if you aren't ablout what i'm about then we just need to let it go and you can get your own vehicle, that way theres no hard feelings on my end" if you break up and she keeps the car then you will feel used forever. hold this helps

Answer 8

Sounds like she wants to be single, yet have you in her life to keep the "things" you have together. For one its not going to work since you want to get married because she keeps pressuring you. You should have no doubt in your mind that you want to be married for it to work.She is using you. No you don't need proof the signs are there. Move on start going out with friends. I'm a good matchmaker I'll hook you up.

Answer 9

Since it sounds like she is making no effort to "work" on the relationship, I'd say it's over.  Would she call you if you didn't call her for a week?  Does she ask if you're talking/seeing other ladies?  

Maybe you should just tell her to come for her things and leave the van you paid for and work on being the best father and role model for the boys.  There are plenty of fish in the sea later.