How To Deal With The Murder Of Two Family Members.

Question

How to deal with the extreme outbursts of sadness?

well two of my relatives were bashed to death.. murdered.. you may have seen it/read it, anyway I was so upset yesterday, like everyone was, but today I'm not, and everyone still is. They're: Busy, Sad, Not talking about it and I'm doing the COMPLETE opposite, I'm: Chilling, Happy, talking about it. And I am happier. But I feel guilty. should I? I had my moments of sadness and cries yesterday, but I feel really guilty for being happy, for celebrating their life rather than dwell on the sadness. if they catch the person that killed them I will be very angry, is it right to go to prison and ask what were his motives?

Ta, PPF.

Answer 1

everyone grieves in their own way, and some people just cant show certain emotions. men have sometimes been taught to always be tough and macho-so they think its wrong to cry or feel sadness-they have no problem displaying anger. perhaps you sort of fit in this group. there is no doubt in my mind that you are sad, and grieving -you just cant show it to the public. you probably are keeping it all inside. i am so sorry for your loss, and you and your family are in my prayers. God bless you all. don't worry if you cant express every little thing, your family knows you love them. i sure hope things go well for you. I'm sending you a hug. again, my deepest sympathy.

Answer 2

Everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. Something that might really help you and your family is some grief counselling. You've all been through a lot and you probably need to talk to someone objectively. They will help you realise that whatever you feel is ok and will give you methods of dealing with your grief.

Good luck  

Answer 3

That is horrible and I am sorry for your loss mate.

Everyone deals with grief differently with the death of family, more so when they were taken so cruelly.

Don't feel guilty about it. You are just grieving in your own way and no one can tell you how you are supposed to do it.

And I think you should be able to visit this scum in prison and demand to know the reasons. Unfortunately they stilol have rights and can refuse to see you.

All the best for you and your family mate.

Answer 4

It is neither right, nor wrong, but understandable, (although you may not get to speak to the perpetrator). I am very sorry for your loss. Go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter.                         Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [e-mail]

Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/gri... and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/  Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ (coping, supporting others, loss of relationship, or pet) and www.mental-health-abc.com/ and www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 and www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Understand that there are often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."

Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")

Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

See amazon.com  for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If there is depression: visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.

Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning:  Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men and grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: [phone]

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins.                                                                                                                                                                    Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books.

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent.        

            Livingstone, B. (2002). Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager's Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy, boblivingstone.com  

Tatelbaum, J.  The Courage to Grieve. Creative Living, Recovery and Growth through Grief. New York: Harper & Row. (1980).

Roth, Deborah, ed. Stepping Stones to Grief Recovery. Santa Monica: IBS Press.(1987).  

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for your whole family.  It must be terrible, and it's normal to have mixed feelings.  Your grieving will go on as long as it needs to.   While your anger and desire for revenge are understandable, it's not your job to deal with the murderer.  However, you can ask the judge to let you all say something to accused when he's on trial for his sorry life.  This sometimes helps bring some degree of closure.  

Answer 6

No, i dont thinnk u should feel guilty, maybe thats just how your handling it, so sorry!!! ~xoxo ally*

Answer 7

I am so so sorry, yes I did read about it. I think you are doing the right thing by talking about it as keeping it all inside will just lead to a really bad emotional explosion in the end. You cant control how other people handle their emotions as everyone is different and handle things in a different way, so with your family, just let them do things their own  way. I really hope the murderer is caught and dealt with by the full force of the law, as I'm sure (hopeful) he will. I am thinking of you and your family.  

Answer 8

Celebrating their life is the best thing you can do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be sad, but if you sit around and mourn mourn mourn, not only will it drive you into major depression but your relatives probably wouldn't want that would they? They'd want you to be happy, even as heart-wrenching as it is.

But whatever you do, don't bottle your emotions, if you feel sad, let it out. If you don't they'll come back to haunt you years later. You seem to be on the right track though, celebrate their life.