A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the f*nny!
What is the best birth control method for really-old seniors?
Nudity.
What's the most useless thing in Grandma's house?
Grandpa's thing.
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Two old women were sitting on the bench talking, when one asked the other, "How's your Paddy holding up in bed these days?"
The second old lady replied, "He makes me feel like an exercise bike."
"How's that?"
"He climbs on and starts pumping away but we never get anywhere!"
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented. "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.
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