How about this elegy?

Question

I have spent time with my grandfather for years and years

He helped me when I was hurt and shed a few tears

He has been there all my life

But his diabetes and heart disease became a strife.

He had lived a hard life

Working strenuously to support his children and wife

After many years his condition showed no improvement

He was never the same after his terrible car accident

He had been hospitalized and had a final wish

The he would be DNR so we suffer no anguish

He had survived the incident

But his disease slowly took on advancement

One week after my birthday he went into cardiac arrest

He was rushed to the doctor where a defibrillator was used on his chest

My grandfather was still DNR, but the doctors tried anyway

But at ten o'clock after years of pain, he passed away

Answer 1

Don't try so hard to make last words rhyme ; that alone does not make poetry . I'm afraid your effort is just prose , with last syllables that sound the same . Where's the feeling ? The sorrow you feel at your loss ? This reads like his chart at the hospital !

Think about it . Read a lot of great poets , & try again . All the best !

Answer 2

thats really sad...=::[

i mean i like it...but its a sad story/poem/elegy

its good though =]