How am I meant to deal with this?

Question

I'm 18, but I've been through a lot in my life. I've been very sick and gone through a lot of abuse. I don't complain or really talk about what I've been through. I don't ask for sympathy from my friends.

However, sometimes people come to me and ask for help. Often their problems are minor, but they complain like it's truly the end of the world. I try and help them, but inside I just want to yell and scream and tell them to get over it because there are people out there who've got even worse things to worry about.

I tried to talk to my counselor about it and she said I have every right to want to yell and scream. But she didn't really give me any suggestions for how I can deal with this. What do you think?

Please helpful suggestions only.

Answer 1

Wabby, when I am upset or angry about something I find it therapeutic to write down my thoughts. I can be completely honest in pouring out my thoughts and not have to worry about hurting or offending anyone.Of course you have to be careful to not leave these "notes" around for others to see,even by chance.I don't think it would be helpful to others to hear "that their problems are just little ones" and that "some people have so much worse to deal with".I imagine everyone thinks their problems are big at the moment and they just can't relate to another persons problems .Let me put it this way, when I'm hungry.all I can think about is satisfying that hunger.I know that many people are literally starving to death each minute for the want of a crust of bread and clean water.and at that particular moment in time I am just thinking of my own needs.I don't think it makes me a bad person ,it makes me human.At your next counselling session ask your counsellor for some concrete ideas on dealing with this..Take care.

Answer 2

I have the exact same problem, because of the c**p that Ive been through, all my friends problems just seem really petty and it makes me amd. What I do is just tell them that its not the end of the world, help them then when they are gone, I start yelling at them....

Answer 3

I understand how you feel and sometimes it does get difficult not to yell at them for whining about crappy stuff. The best way is to just let it be, they haven't experienced much in life that's why they find small obstacles... life threatening?

It is really nice people look up to you and come to you for help/advices... even I do sometimes! It is because you are a really wise person, and people become wise when they experience life.

You can always tell them about other people who go through a lot more and don't complain or maybe if you had similar incidents related to the person's issues. And you can help them understand the true seriousness of the problem.

Answer 4

Who said you have to yell and scream? Just calmly tell them that there are people in this world who have been through for much worse than you have and I am one of those people. I'm not trying to lecture you and I am greatly flattered that you guys come to me for help and advice, considering what I've been through. But you just have to get over it and deal with things you don't like in life; that's how it goes. You can run from your problems.

Ps. hey Wabby, I think you would make a great pyhscarist or therapist or school counselor!  

Answer 5

Hang in there, you're going to be fine.

Great that you try to help people who ask for your help.

Remember that you have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you won't be able to help others.

If you encounter people with minor problems, you can tell stories (maybe your own) of how to deal with that.

If you feel like you can, you can tell the other person it's not so bad, because you know this other person who had such and such happen to them...and they're still alive and kicking.

Finally, you need some way of dealing with the past emotions and how the present can stir things back to the surface.

Exercising, talking to a friend, keeping a journal of your thoughts.... are all ways to deal with this.

Good luck, hang in there,

you're going to be fine...  :-)

Answer 6

Girl! I know what you are talking about. We have talked enough to know that we have quite a bit in common. I've also been very sick and gone through abuse. I know how it feels to wake up in pain every morning. I see one of my friends struggling everyday raising a baby all by her self. I've done quite a bit of charity work at nursing homes. I saw so many wonderful, sweet, elderly people that had no family to speak of. So that meant nobody came to see them. I've been through quite a bit all by myself and it does suck when people complain about silly things. I sit there and I listen. But when someone comes up to me complaining because there boyfriend called ten minutes too late. Or because they didn't get the grade they wanted on a paper. I want to scream and say, "Are you seriously that stupid!? There is so much worse things in this world than you having a cold!" I know what you mean.

I've found that the best way for me to deal is to let it go. Sit there and listen, be a good friend. But you have other friends to talk to, right? Well the way I see it is if they want to come to you with your problems go to them for yours. You listen to all of your friends problems, they should listen to yours. You think one friend is complaining about something stupid? Go complain to a different friend. Or if you want to send a message to your friend, complain to them after they have complained to you. lol... Talking about it always makes me feel better. Talk to your friends or boyfriend. Write it down in a notebook. I've done alot of that too. Just let off a little steam if you know what I mean. Let it off in anyway that you want. I even throw pillows around my room sometimes. lol... Good luck Darling!

Answer 7

i dont know if this will be of help. but you just need to understand, if something   is a big deal to someone that seems minor to you, it just mean that that person has not been through as much as you, they may have diffesrent pain tollerences as yo, and they sincearly  think that what ever is going on with them is a big deal, so i guess ways you could deal with it is by just telling yourself this whenever you feel like screaming, but i dont suggest you tell them that their issue is not a big deal, they will see that as bitchy, and un supportive.

just say nice things to help them get through it, then maybe say to them trust me i know what its like to be in pain, and go on if you like, just so they know they are not the only person in the world with painful issues.

Answer 8

As you know, I have issues with this myself.  For people you only care about moderately, the solution that works for me is to think of it as a soap opera played out for your amusement.  

For people you care about it's harder, and yet easier.  Be glad for them that it's MINOR problems.  I'm glad any time one of my "daughters" or "nieces" here only has a simple problem.

When giving advice remember that in all His years of preaching, Jesus only got 12 Apostles to really listen to Him, and THEY didn't get what he was saying most of the time.  Why should the even the greatest young woman in NZ have any better luck?

So if someone doesn't listen to your advice, remind yourself that people don't always do what they should.