How am i supposed to put up or cope with peoples aloof behaviour towards me & feeling alienated from society ?

Question

i exist alone, living in a one bedroom flat on disability benefits in england- i feel ostracised and alienated from society.

i have no one except an aging mother whos always stood by me and done her best for me, shes 58 now and cant get up to see me like she once did.

i have alot of aggression problems that ive improved with all by myself over the years.....i used to have rage outbursts in public that i didnt plan, but comes from years of severe bullying.

ive basically had a horrifically hard life, missed out on forming ' any ' relationships with anyone........ missed out on ever being employed or gaining any qualifications.........missed out on an education..

im extremely lonely, abandoned....forgotten about by society......i sit in my apartment every night and no one seeks me out, tells me im worth something........its like i dont matter to anyone in society.

i feel people are aloof and standoffish to me like they were to me in the past , like no one wants to know me..

i feel stigmatised as somebody to avoid because of my criminal mental past and rage problems....

no one to phone....no one to phone me.....no one to turn to....a tormented, disadvantaged past..

i feel angry at people with happy lives, jealous, aggressive , it represents everything ive never had..

im 30 now, i own nothing....live on disability.....have a dusty old pathetic computer........no carpets on the floor.....have borderline personality disorder and ptsd.

wait for therapy........have torn ankle ligaments an injured ankle.....was told it will take a while to heal.

ive aged prematurly in my face..

have physical imperfections : 2 missing teeth - front bottom row- saving for dental treatment- cant afford anything right now.

this happened after i headbutted a wall years ago through anger.

cracked, broken skin , tears in the skin ' covering ' the ' head ' of my p***s,

an itchy, smelly sweaty s*****m, im waiting to see a dermatologist, she doesnt know what it is or wether the cracks can be cleared yet.

the tears and cracks dont hurt, but the skin is sensitive and looks terrible, all broken cracked skin covering my p***s head..plus discoloration of the head part.

i know its nothing sexually infection because i was checked out at the clinic months ago..

my little finger is crooked and droops over due to an injury years ago.

my only goalsin life is to attain a good paying computer job....to live a peaceful life near the coast........to leave england.......to find a loving partner....to eventually live in spain or another part of europe.

but tell me in my position, at 30, starting from zero, how will i do that ?

im despairing right now.

its like no one cares about me and societies moved on and left me behind.

people reject me, especially girls because i have major low self esteem.....i get clingy....expect to much to soon......dont no how to maintain a conversation.

theres this rusian girl on my messenger list, ive spoke to twice.....she seems nice.....but im scared to go talk to her again incase she rejects me because of how iam.

with all this, and in general ; what am i going to do ?

people have treated me aloofly and standoffishly for years now like their conveying the message im below them and that theyre rejecting me..

like theres a STIGMA that follows me around. and im being SOCIALLY EXCLUDED from society.

people treat me like a sad charity case and convey i would only be accepted because society would feel soory for me..

i get spoken down to, belittled, condescended....prople....females, shop workers , authority figures are all aloof with me.

i have severe low self esteem which means im constantly rejected....i get clingy...act desperate.......then people back away from me.

im so angry right now.....i just want to emigrate from the uk, with a good paying job.....thats it.

ive suffered this shht all my life

Answer 1

I am a girl, and if you are seeking female attention what I might look for in a guy is definitely not low self esteem.  You say that you have two bottom teeth missing, there are ways to work around that.  You need to build your confidence up, because if you let people know that you have low self esteem, they will eat you up. Your confidence will eat you up.  You can start from the bottom up. I have helped my bf of 4 years, he came strait from prison with nothing at all no money nothing.  You start with your Ged, because that is what people will look for most unless you have connections which don't sound like it.  Then start off with some online college classes.  30 years is not old at all.  After you have taken online classes look for jobs on the net.  But you need to get out there and find someone who can help achieve your goals. You have to have at least one person you know that may be able to help you.  As far as your p***s goes, maybe you could go back to a different clinic and have them give you information on what will help the dryness or skin cracking problem with it. I think if you go to a doctor they should at least be able to tell you what the problem is...right?  Make sure that you are taking care of yourself regularly.  I just think that you are too hard on yourself and you need to start taking care of yourself regularly.  Good luck with yourself and God bless you.  Pray if you believe because he helps me out.

Answer 2

Hi,

From what you have said I can see a lot of your BPD traits are getting you down like fear or rejection, feeling paranoid, lost self steem, being clingy etc but ot doesn't have to be this way.

You have had so many answers for this question in the past but nothing has helped you, you don't seem to be able to see any light, yet you admit you have a great mother (58 is not old), you've fought your rage problems along and you are surviving..thats something to be proud off.

You need to draw some sort of line and leave the past behind you because your anger from it is just going to continue to rule you're life. You have to ignore those who you feel stigmatised by because it's their problem and their ignorance, it's nothing to do with you. You say you have body problems but so do many of us and it doesn't stop you from moving on.

I get the feeling you fear getting better or moving on because nothing has changed in your life in months since you started posting this question. I don't want to sound really hard on you but if you go into counselling or the treatment you are waiting on and do not even try to make progress they won't be able to work with you. I know its horrible but no one else can fix it, only you, yes people can help you and suport you but it's you that has to take action.

why not geta part time job for extra cash, think about doing up your flat so you like it more, look at your local technical college for a course that might interest you and get those qualifications you need for the job you want and make small steps towards your goals because otherwise they aren't goals they are pipedreams that your never going to get, only because you haven't tried for them.

You sound like you have had a hard life but it doesn't have to remain that way in the furture..but you have to take the steps to do something to stop it!

best of luck

Answer 3

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Q...

Answer 4

who gives a S**t about the stigma, i'd rather be alone and mentally ill than have to PRETEND to be normal.