How are men supposed to make friends with women if women (claim) they never go anywhere with intent of ..

Question

You might say that women simply plan for friendships to just arise eventually -- but how can that be if still women rarely initatiate meeting men as friends anyway?

I've asked this before-- but there was some misunderstanding.

I'm not saying that these women don't have or don't appreciate male friends, infact i'm saying the contrary. My argument is that with most of the male friendships women do have were not INITIATED by women. The women weren't the ones who said hi first, or who broke the ice first or were the ones who really accelerated the friendship (getting phone #'s or setting up meetings or invites etc..)-- that even in friendship men do most the work!

Why is this, if women appreciate their male friendships so much, why don't they initiate them more often?

Answer 1

You are both right and wrong. I've had girls start a conversation before. There are some girls who like to start a conversation, and there are those who wait. You've just never had the chance to meet any of those who like to start conversations, I suppose..

Answer 2

Why would you want a girl to be your friend?  OK, I am 23 and I use to have a decent group of friends..30 half were men half for women.  You can't date your friends though!  Take me, I asked my friend Emily to go out on date as friends, secretly, I had a crush on her.  Of course during the date she could tell something was up.  She wanted to be my friend and that to stay the same way.  After high school and 2 years of college, or when you turn 21, you should not be trying to make friends with women.  If you try to date them but they only like you as a friend, that's "cool"...it's another friend and you can hang out maybe twice a year or so.  But, you can't try to date them or have s*x with them because then you lose a friend.  It's how it works for me.  So, I just stay single and flirt with women.  If you are looking for a relationship with a girl, you will be looking for awhile.  You can't "make friends" or "make girlfriends"  They arien't some kind of creation.  Remember what LL Cool J said:  "a man doesn't choice a women a women choices a man".  I am not saying you can't date friends, you probably should.  But don't ask a friend out on a serious date.  She will make the move!

Answer 3

I've initiated 2 friendships with males with the intent of them being just friends. I directly told them from the beginning they would just be friends and although some people thought I was being mean ...I figured it would help get that out of the way and they wouldn't be confused thinking I was maybe persuing them. I made the phone calls and I setup fun things to do with their friends and helped one meet some girlfriends. Eventually, they crashed into something resembling the movie "when harry met sally" only without the whimsical beautiful ending. Since then I haven't bothered initiating new male friends. This isn't because I didn't value my male friends. They were wonderful people but the attraction thing gets in the way. It is very irritating when your close friend you feel no attraction to desperately wants to date you or possibly marry you. Not to mention I have a husband and I think he would be concerned if at this age if I was making random male friends.

I can't speak for all women but this is my take on it.

*added- Actually, I don't come across many people man or woman I'm actually interested in becoming friends with due to my particular interests. I'm very hard to become friends with unless I select you, in which case I'm the initiator and do the work. If you were to approach me and say "Hey, let's be friends", I would probably give you a funny look and quietly walk away. Which isn't to say I think I'm better than other people or some aren't good enough its just I tend to gravitate to people who can teach me things and steer away from people who have (or cause) a lot of drama. Even in a workplace I don't care much for small talk and tend to be single minded on whatever task I have to do. I have little to no interest in social things even if it were to give me an advantage at work..usually my efficiency and almost OCD perfectionism makes up for my apathy towards socializing. I was born an INTJ female according to the MBTI type thing which explains everything. So people always tell me I'm intimidating or have a masculine personality (not my goal at all..I'm just being myself). I'm overly direct and sometimes I don't sugarcoat things properly and have a bad habit of offending people. I'm not meaning to be mean I just state facts and some don't like the facts they hear and have emotional reactions (men and women).  Anyway, while your generalization of women is probably  very accurate (and frustrating) I've known many women of the INTJ, INTP, ENTP, ENTJ personality types who you might consider to be outside of that norm. I'm just offering that up so you can expand your research.