How are my poems? (Im 13)?

Question

I say love im them alot, so just bear with me

This is called forevermore

You and me, have our highs and lows

with each and every day, the love in my heart grows

My head's up in the clouds, up so very high

my love for you is like a bird, flying in the sky

I cant describe this feeling, this feeling I adore

What makes me feel this way? Loving you forevermore

This one is My heart

As I lay in my bed tonight,

As nothing is the same,

All the miles from our worlds,

Disappear while I think about your face,

All the words I cannot express,

All fill into my mind,

Although my head is a mess,

My heart's working overtime,

Thinking back to that time and day,

All the time I had wasted,

Now my skies are turning gray

Knew I could never face it

My story is finished

And now I must depart,

Make very sure to be gentle,

What you're holding is my heart.

My two best

Tell me what ya think :)

Gonna submit them into a school contest, be honest please

Answer 1

WOW! You are very talented i'm 13 also and a 4.0 student and i could never make anything that even comes close to that please enter them in the contest you'll definitely win!  

Answer 2

You 'v asked for honest opinion, and mine shall be so.

For a 13 yo guy, they are good; I like both of them especially Forever More, which is more of a lyric.

Forever More :

L1: good.

L2 : off rhythm. it is a bit lengthy. how about :

With each and every day, my love for you grows

L3 & L4: could be exchanged :

My love for you, like a bird in the sky

  Passing all clouds, flying up so high

L5&L6: good.

My Heart:

S1, L1: is 'lay' the proper word !

S1, L4: a bit out of rhythm & rhyme. How about:

   Disappear before your name.

S2, L1: The words I can't express

S2, L3: But even in such a mess,

S2, L4: My love to you, I can't hide.

S4, L3: Just make sure to be gentle,

The last stanza is a nice closure.

You are on the right track of poetry, poems or lyrics. Just keep on writing, and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

They are amazing and very cute! I wish you luck for the contest! Hope you will get first prize, they are awesome.

If I would be ur english teacher i will give u A+ on those. They really send a great love message and the rhyme scheme is great!

All the luck at the contest!