How are they getting away with this?

Question

i made the biggest mistake of my life and put my daughter up for adoption. at the time, i felt like i had no choice so a case worker at the hospital decided to take her home and adopt her. i was 19 at the time. 3 months later, the case worker and her lawyer kept pressuring me to sign the relinquishment papers. so i did. at that moment, i didnt think there was anything i could do. months passed and i finally got back on my feet, went back to school, got a job, and got out of the unhealthy relationship. i talked to a lawyer to see if theres anything i could do. he found out that they never filed the affidavit, so my parental rights were never taken away. he went ahead and had me sign a paper to revoke the affidavit. in texas, the birthparents can change their mind at ANY point in the process as long as their parental rights arent relinquished, which they havent been. but now, the family wants to fight for custody! i thought that by law, i'm supposed to get her back since they never filed

Answer 1

I am really sorry that you  had to have this happen, but if you didn't think that your child would be better off with these people than with you you never would of let them have her. They took her in and loved her as their own and to her she thinks of them as her parents. I thought about adoption when I was pregnant with my last daughter and at the last minute decided against it for this reason right here. I instead changed things for her and bettered the situation for her and kept her and loved her because in the long run I knew I would regret it. She is now 10 months old and doing wonderful and is very happy with me and very well taken care of. She knows who I am and knows my voice and reacts to me and reaches for me and says my name and is a very happy baby. She gets shy and quiet around strangers and sometimes gets scared if she's around people and I am not in her sight at all times. Just because it's been a few months your baby knows who these people are and to her they are her parents and taking her could be traumatizing to her. Think hard about what your doing. What might feel best for you, might not be best for her.

Answer 2

Anyone can fight anything in a court of law.  It doesn't mean they will win, though.  Take a minute to think about what they are feeling right now.  They took this child into their homes and lives and hearts and fell in love with her.  To ask them to pretend none of that happened and just hand her over is not very realistic.  Give them some time to grieve and come to grips with the fact that (if what you say about legalities of the case are correct) legally they screwed up and that they have no choice.  Hopefully, at that point they will do what is in the best interest of the child.  If they are told by their attorney the law is on your side, they will probably see that fighting an extended court battle isn't in the child's best interest.  Your questions are best suited to be asked of your attorney.  If there is some loophole in the law that may give them some rights to the child, only your attorney will know that.  And, there are always precedence setting cases where a judge will rule outside of the norm.  So going to court is always a c**p shoot.  You have to be really invested in what you hope to win.  I can't see anything more important for either you or the adoptive parents to fight for than this child.  So be prepared for an extended battle if they have the funds to wage it.  Good luck.

Answer 3

From another poster: “this little nine month old” … um, that would be your child who has spent as long with you as anyone. And the time she was inside of you – that was every single minute of every single day. I have no doubt that she will recognize you as her mother.

“After a little baby turns 2 months old they recognize a persons scent, voice, touch, etc.” That is BS. A baby recognizes his/her mother the minute they are born. And from the standpoint of someone who has been separated from her son for 21 years, the child/adult never forgets. A bond that lasts for over 20 years without any contact is hard to discount, although adoptive parents do it all of the time.

I always love to read this sh*t: “Also, the person who this little girl now calls Mommie has done all the hard part. Sleepless nights, colic, etc, etc, etc.” AS IF any adoptive (or otherwise) person is going to call us and ask us to come and parent. F that ****.

People are calling who ever has your child “adoptive parents” but it doesn’t sound like they really are. They are just people who took your child when you weren’t looking. It sucks to be young and naïve and for that to be the reason that you lost your child. I know. Been there, done that.

This does not sound like a legal adoption at all. Get a lawyer and FIGHT for you child! Do contact Origins-usa.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

What happens "by law" and what happens in real life are often two different things.

You may eventually be proven right but that doesn't mean the adoptive parents don't have the right to challenge you.  As far as they know and as far as they are concerned things were done above board and legally.  

I'm not saying you are wrong to challenge the way things happened but I know I wouldn't give up without a fight if I was the adoptive parent either.  

Good luck.

Answer 5

FIGHT FOR YOUR BABY - with all of your heart.

s***w anyone who says boo hoo for the adoptive parents - this child belongs with YOU - and will adjust just fine.

He/she was with you for 9 months also - she knows YOU.

FIGHT.

Need more help - get in touch with Origins USA - they might be able to help out.

http://origins-usa.org/

I wish you and your babe all the very best.

If I knew my mother had tried to get me back - and my adoptive parents stood in the way - I would despise them - forever more.

Adoption should NOT happen unless it's absolutely necessary.

Answer 6

At this point in her young little mind, she has parents, so I say if you win custody of your baby and I hope you do, that you will consider the feelings of the aparents and try for an open arrangement, in any case, you will all need counseling.

Answer 7

You need to get a good family lawyer. They could argue that this boils down to "intent" and also the "best interest of the child."

I say intent because at the time, you engaged in action that appeared you intended cooperate with the adoption to relinquish your rights to the child, including signing the relinquishment papers. They may have fouled up an aspect of the process by not filing an affidavit, but that doesn't necessarily result in the adoption being null and void.

The second issue here is that they will pursue custody if you try to fight for the child. You can't do this on your own. You need a good family lawyer who knows Texas Family Law.

Answer 8

I was just thinking and want to add something to my answer.  I took my little nine month old to the mail box, yesterday.  My little nine month old has a brother who is four.....he decided to stay home with Dad.  My little nine month old kept asking for her brother while we were out.  So, that little baby would not only hurt and cry for the only parents she has known so far.......she would really hurt and cry for the other kids that she knows as her brothers and sisters.  Overall---if you DO decide to try to re gain custody I really think you WILL mess this little nine month old up.....possibly for life!  Why didn't you just keep her?  Why did you give her up even for a minute?  I bet at the time you really knew what is best for this little innocent person!!!!!!!!!!!

You wrote that you  "need" her in your life?  That sounds like you feel that this little nine month old will be filling a hole or a void for you.  That is unhealthy!  

When you decided to give your daughter to your lawyer you said you were not in a position to have her.  I guess before we have s*x we should really question whether or not we can afford a child, huh?  Well, that is beside the point now.

After a little baby turns 2 months old they recognize a persons scent, voice, touch, etc.  I cannot believe you did not find out your rights when your daughter was younger.  It was like you left your daughter with someone did everything YOU felt like you needed to do and NOW that it is convient for you....you want to give it all a try cause you need her.  After nine months be VERY selfless and leave the child with the only parents she has ever known!  To say that these people already have kids is terribly rude.  Makes me think that you have NO idea what real unconditional love is.    I have two kids and giving one of them away would NOT be easy or easier because I have another one.  This poor little baby who is nine months will have seperation anxiety, eating issues, sleep issues, etc, etc, etc.  What will you do if you decide you are bored, you did not need your daughter or if she gets on your nerves or cramps your style?

19 is PLENTY old enough to know that when you have s*x you just might get pregnant.  At 19 I have no sympathy for you.  I feel realy horribly for a nine month old who just might get her little world turned upside down.  Think of HER first....not you!  

Maybe you should really consider having s*x or another baby until you are atleast 25.  

I know I sound rude and mean.  I am thinking of what you should have been thinking, what you should have done and thinking of this little nine month old FIRST.  

Also, the person who this little girl now calls Mommie has done all the hard part.  Sleepless nights, colic, etc, etc, etc.  Now at nine months you would not have to deal with any thing that even comes close to the first 3-5 month of a little babies life.

I really wish people had to get a license to have little precious innocent babies.

I was adopted when i was 6.  I do not have any horror stories to tell you.  I am thank ful that my biological Mom and Dad were selfLESS enough to give me a great life.

Answer 9

They bonded with your child...they will fight you.Sorry,this answer sucks.

Answer 10

You say it will be devastating for her if later she finds out she's adopted.  I wonder how devastating it will be for her should she find out she's adopted, contact you one day, and find out that you tried to get her back at nine months and her adoptive parents fought you for her - for months, years?

I adopted two older children, and a toddler.  That toddler bonded to me just fine.  He left the only caregiver he had known and adjusted beautifully.  So if you really want to fight, and your adoption was not done right, I say fight.  If the adoptive parents don't hold it up too long, your baby will bond to you when you have her back.

Make sure you have a good, experienced lawyer.

Answer 11

Since time has passed they have to determine what is in the best interest of the child.  They have to determine by the letter of the law whether the adopton is in fact not legal.  Sorry but your child has had time to bond with her adoptive parents and not something to take lightly.  This will be a hard road for all involved including your daughter.  I agree with the others try and do this slowly if you do get custody as a sudden change could be very difficult on her.  In the end she is the only one that really matters in this situation

Answer 12

Hi Ashley,

I think you have a good chance of getting your daughter back if you fight for her.  Those are NOT her adoptive parents because your daughter has NOT been adopted.  At this point in time they are prospective adoptive parents.  Your daughter is living with them and they have physical custody of her.  I also think it's suspicious that your daughter ended up going home with the case worker.  

That is not a legal adoption.  In a legal adoption, first a petition to adopt is filed.  The child must be legally available for adoption for that to happen.  (relinquishment papers signed by both parents or parental rights terminated by a court proceeding.)  Then at least 6 months later, the PAPs can file for the adoption to become finalized in court if all other qualifications are met, which in this case, they clearly are not.  I'm sure this would get the attention of any judge before they granted a final decree.

You ask how they can get away with that.  They are counting on you not knowing your rights, wearing you out until you give up, and on time running out.  Keep up the visitation.  Do everything required of you.  Take the advice of your lawyer.  You did everything within the law if it says you may change your mind at any point before parental rights are relinquished.  That's what the law is for - To give you time to change your mind in case adoption is not right for you.  Expect a fight from the other family.  It sounds like the law is on your side in this case.  

Adoption can have serious long-term effects on both the child and the parent.  The other family can always adopt a different child who truly does not have parents to care for him/her.  This is YOUR child, and she does not need to be adopted.  Do not let any more time go by!  Your daughter needs you!    Good luck.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 13

I don't see why you can't get your daughter back. and I really hope you do. and for all the people judging your here, thats the past, you can't go back and fix it because i'm sure you would have already. she's your daughter and you realize the mistake you have made, and now you need her in your life. I find it completely understand able.

Good Luck :)

Answer 14

They will fight and drag it out as long as they can. People do this all the time. They stall and stall until the child is 5 years old then when it finally gets to the judge to decide they see a 5 year old child that is bonded with its adoptive parents. They will go as long as they can and hope you give up or run out of money trying. I hope you can find a good lawyer to go at this pro bono and get your baby back.

  I am an adoptive parent but this sounds like an unethical situation. A caseworker has no place in trying to get your baby from you. It is a conflict of interest. I hope the judge gets you visitation right away so you can start bonding. Do you have a website or blog about this so that we can keep up on your story? I would love to follow it and keep you in my prayers.

Answer 15

They consider her their child, so of course they'll fight for her. Did you think they'd just quietly hand her over? Let the court decide who will raise her. For future reference, don't let people pressure you into a decision. It rarely ends well.

Answer 16

In Texas, because there was no licensed adoption agency involved, you CAN change your mind. The only way you would have no recourse is if you had gone through an agency (in which case TPR is irrevocable).  You can absolutely have your lawyer fight this - with no TPR, you certainly have a case. (Particularly since something seems odd with a case worker, who should know all of this, not filing the paper). Make sure your lawyer has Family Law knowledge.

Answer 17

Think about what this will do to your daughter. My nana took care of a little girl from the neighborhood, because her mother could asked my nana to take her in. When she was about 5, her mother had done the same thing, and decided she wanted her back. My nana gave her back unwillingly, and the child was never the same. She barely spoke, became extremely closed down and quiet the rest of her life. I know you want to be her mother, but you should also think about the well-being of the child.

Answer 18

How long has it been since this happened?   You may want to watch the movie "Losing Isaiah" before you decide to take your child away from the adoptive parents.   If your daughter is three or four years old, they are the only family she has ever known.  To rip her out of their arms would be cruel and harmful to her.  She's not automatically going to love you from the first moment she sees you, just because you are her birth mother.    

I suspect that the judge will give you back your child, since the rights of the birth parents are usually paramount in such cases.  But if you're going to take her back, please do it gradually, in a way that will allow her to get to know you and adjust to you.   It will be less painful for all concerned.