How are we here in London going to put on an opening ceremony to rival the one put on by the people of china

Question

Pearly kings and queens, hoodies. Wielding knifes, red phone boxes smelling off p..., and so on. Or maybe let the people that opened the dome put the show on.

Answer 1

Bigger isn't necessarily better. There is nothing in the world that can top British class and dignity.

Answer 2

there's no way u can beat china, they 'r just too smart *sigh*

Answer 3

What do you care?  The Olympics hold no interest to negative people like you.

Lets celebrate the display of dedication, skill and acheivement we are currently witnessing and learn to reflect that in our own lives to make this world a little better.  

Answer 4

we're british and we'll do it!

Answer 5

we won't, it'll be rubbish compared to theirs. but it will be british and it will be ours so it will be absolutley brilliant

Answer 6

London Olympics 2012

London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.

You may not know is that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY

The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS

In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT

Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES

As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

HAMMER

Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING

Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING

A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler

Answer 7

Well, that's kind of like asking how to top the lavish 1936 Olympics, where a certain other dictatorial regime felt the need to go whole hog on the Olympics to toot its own horn. Presumably Britain has no such need, and no matter what they do it will be genuine rather than a propaganda extravaganza.

Answer 8

You don't need a big deal. Just let Pink Floyd put on the opening ceremonies and wallah you are better than the Chinese :-)  

Answer 9

ours will be far superior because it wont be created from the misery and suffering of 3 million people made homeless by the building of stadiums and all the other stuff needed for the olympics.there wont be hundreds of deaths  of unskilled workers during the  construction of stadiums etc. our beggars and homeless people wont be forcibly  "relocated". no. our display wont be as spectacular as the chinese one apparently was but ours will be built on humanity. not fear.

Answer 10

You could always borrow the Tardis from Dr Who, fit everybody in there & save a fortune

Answer 11

We will proudly display our national heritage, our fine culture and all that is so very English..

So the asians will organise it.

Answer 12

tea and crumpets = all you need

Answer 13

Good ideas....make sure Sarah Brightman maintains her weight for London's opening ceremony.

Answer 14

The worst thing they could do would be to try to emulate what the Chinese did.

I don't think that any nation outside of Asia could put on that type of spectacle.

I think they've got to come up with a totally different concept but god knows what!

Answer 15

You guys across the pond will do just fine!   I'm looking forward to your show.

Answer 16

Do the same as China did use a fake fire works display.

Answer 17

you're not.

Answer 18

at least ours will be genuine.  

Answer 19

This is all yesterdays new now.

You can do it

Maybe you could get the Queen into some leather shorts and have her perform with the Rolling Stones.

OK its not grand, but its a starting point.

Besides we love you Brits in the US. We'll applaud no matter what

Answer 20

Boris Johnson on a unicycle should do the trick.

Answer 21

Read the latest news its all faked.A communist can never be trusted.Englands presentation of the olympics will be real and honest.We are very good at ceremony in e best.Their will be nothing fake abour our armed forces on display,Katherine Jenkins and Leslie garrett belting out the national anthem.Will you stop criticising the best country on earth.

Answer 22

we don't stand a chance! for a start the firework display was awesome. how can we compete with something like that, besides.... fireworks were invented by the chinese! they are the masters in pyrotechnics

Answer 23

Ours is going to be so budget its just gonna be an embarrasment. Alternatively they'll turn the screws and we'll all end up spending loads of money for some ridiculous ceremony. I think they should invest in fish and chips and strongbow and just see what happens!

Answer 24

We should go in completely opposite way. My proposal would be

One sparkler - for the fireworks

Keith Harris and Orvil - For the entertainment

Victoria Beckham - For the music

There. Job Done!

Answer 25

apparently the hand over ceremony will include Dizzee Rascal......that wont be at all embarrassing then will it.

Answer 26

I think we're gonna all be collectively ashamed, but in a fun way.

Answer 27

My last info was that we haven't even started the building works yet.

The Big Wigs are still arguing about the size of their ''Brown Envelopes''.

Knowing Britain on our recent past performances our Olympic Building will be complete in 2017, at least six times over budget.

Our Fireworks will be good though, we buy them from China.

Answer 28

We use the same production company that the Chinese used.

Answer 29

We could just give the job to some Poles, they will sort it in half the time for half the price.

Answer 30

You already have plenty of the first list in London and throughout England. No need to worry.  

Answer 31

They could put all of the athletes on the Eye and then open up the doors while they were spinning around really fast and fling them all out except for the Brits and then the Brits would win all the gold.  I think it would be talked about for years and everyone would forget about Beijng.