How are we to act in an office? I'm lost.?

Question

I've been working in a law office since 1990 and the last few years I've had personality conflicts with others. In one office I acted chummy with my co-workers to be pleasant. Ended up that others didn't know their boundaries regarding being chummy and ended up being a problem and I was told by the supervising partner that I was there to work and not to make friends. My husband said the same.. THe next office I stated to myself and my office that I'm just here to do my work and I worked hard, was on time and was a very loyal employee, but all the staff said I seemed like I was in a bad mood. I wasn't, I just was a hard worker. They were all slackers half the time and good employees the other half. We got a new person in the office and she weined and cried to the office administrator that I didn't like her. Ended up causing conflict and I got "laid off" because they "said" they were cutting expenses, but I know it was because of this new person. I desperatly tried not to cause conflict, but I think they got intimidated by me because I was dedicated. How do I get a happy medium. Okay, please be nice and give me some good advice, maybe a book I can read to help me. I don't know that if now that I'm in my 40's that I don't let people push me around like I did in my 20's and 30's. I'm really confused. .......Please give me some healthy advice. Thank you.

Answer 1

Fluellen had a great answer!  I'd like to add that you should try to be flexible and make sure that you're approaching things from a "team" type of attitude.  It sounds corny, but people keep saying it for a good reason.  If you have other friends who work in offices and do well in them, ask them how they adjusted and fit in, maybe they'll have some good advice, and since they know your personality better, they may be able to give you constructive criticism that fits your exact situaiton.  I know it seems very confusing, but you'll work it out!

Answer 2

I think the only way to deal with this is the same way you should deal with joining an internet message board; before making your presence and personality known, sit back and observe how everyone else around you acts. If everyone is chummy and chatty and friendly, then it's safe to open up. If everyone is quiet and dedicated, do the same. Possibly the safest way to be is to concentrate and work hard when you're at your desk, then be friendly and chatty in break areas. If someone talks to you while you're in a work area, chat back and be polite and friendly, but don't initiate work-area discussions unless you've scouted out the terrain, as it were, and discovered that this is totally acceptable behaviour. If you go to the Popular Psychology (Self-Help) section of your local bookstore, there'll probably be books on how to deal with co-workers, and even things on small talk and body language that could be helpful. Or check the section with all the employment books, that may have something too.

I know it can be really hard finding a happy medium. Best of luck!