How bad is my poem? ?

Question

I’ve been falling and falling,

I’m afraid of what comes next,

The heart is sure,

The love is pure,

But still I’m scared to death.

My heart it has been broken,

Although, it was long ago,

I still have scars,

And still recall,

The pain of what has been.

I’ve been falling and falling,

I’m still afraid of what comes next,

But I’ll keep taking baby steps,

Because although the mind is scared,

The heart it screams for more.

Answer 1

It's alright. I'd prefer if it was about death but that's just my preference in subject. It is quite well written.

Answer 2

trust me it wasn't bad at all.  i could tell what your felling.

and this is coming from someone that writes poems and never get a bad comment. {:-)}

Answer 3

you only get more answers because people will have to double on by telling you that it isn't about how abd your poem is, it's about how good it is...lol

i think your poem is.. ok? some lines seem a little awkward and conflicting ex. "the heart is sure" "the love is pure" seems to come out of nowhere because most of the poem talks about how you've been in pain.. perhaps you need to tie the relationship together more, describe how this conflict is causing you to fall

i think the idea is there, it's just how you phrase the words that needs to be touched up on

Answer 4

Lol nice strategy. And yet, people keep telling you it's good. Sincerely speaking, I wonder why that is. In my humble opinion, it also depends on your age, but if I assume that you are over sixteen and also that you aspire to be a serious poet someday, published or not, than I have to say it could hardly be worse. And unlike the people who wrote just one line saying it was nice, I'll also back up my opinion so you can see I mean this to be only constructive criticism and not just an easy way to score points.

The first five verses would have a fairly good flow if you'd remove the second "I'm" so that the measure of the first and second is the same. There's also a feeble attempt at rhyming, which, if continued in the following two stanzas would have resulted simply in a poem with imperfect rhyme, which still has flow and melody to it, though. But seeing as you mess it up with the "The pain of what has been" that doesn't match with "Although it was long ago"(by the way, there's another little issue with the measure in this verse. Use though instead of although it's better), it ends up just being an imperfect poem. Try replacing it with something else for example 'The pain-my heartless' foe or 'The pain that burned me so' or whatever you like.

As far as the meaning goes, I can understand you're sad strictly because of the words, not because the poem transmits any kind of feeling to the reader(this btw is the MOST important thing about poetry and I can't stress this enough. It has to really mean something the reader can also relate to, although it's about you). There is a contradiction between the first and the secons stanza, because at first you say your heart is sure(I take it that means strong, whole, unharmed), but then you admit to still having scars, not to mention you're still "falling"(should I even get started on how big a cliche this is?). Overall, I sense it's an optimistic work, which is good, although the ending is shabby and doesn't impress me at all. The last two stanzas are probably the most important in the whole poem, because the reader is left with them immediately after they're finished and it helps shape his or her opinion.

It seems like you're writing inside a box, like you've written a poem considering only what a poem should be-and not what it will mean to you. It's best to write from the heart or, if you preffer writting in a more scientifical way, by the 'rules', then pay attention to your flaws.

I hope this doesn't bother you as I've said before, I've taken my time to really analyze your poem so I would not give you a biased opinion. This is the way to evolve. If you want to join an excellent poetry site, where you can read quality poems and get sincere reviews from extremely talented people, then join eliteskills.com

Answer 5

lol thats not true. i like your poem.

Answer 6

It isnt all that bad, some things should be changed but otherwise great!