How can I attract vampires ?

Question

How can I attract vampires ?

Answer 1

You can't.  Vampires do not exist. Period. First, a little info on the human digestive system. I am a Nurse, and the human body is not designed to process large amounts of blood for nutrition. There simply is not enough protein, carbohydrates, and fats present in blood to maintain a complex creature such as Homo Sapiens or any theorized offshoot mutations. When a human ingests food it is first broken up by chewing, then churned up in the stomach with digestive juices to form a bolus called chyme. It then passes into the small intestine where it mixes with bile salts which continue breaking it down on a molecular basis, mostly affecting fats at this point. The broken down nutrients pass through the wall of the intestines and into the bloodstream where they are carried to each cell or stored for later use. Indigestible bulk continues through the intestines, turning a dark brown from the bile. Water is absorbed from this mass in the large intestine depending on the needs of the body - a well-hydrated person will usually have a softer stool than a dehydrated person will. Water also enters the bloodstream, and this is what helps to maintain blood pressure. The pressure tends to balance itself in a healthy person because the bloodstream goes through a formation in the kidney called the Loop of Henle, where the narrowing blood vessel forces excess water and cellular waste such as urea out through the cellular wall into the kidneys, where it is excreted through the ureters into the bladder, and then out of the body via the urethral passageway.

A person physically unable to process his own food for nutrition therefore also could not process blood - it's the same process.

Theoretical ingestion of blood to supply these nutrients would therefore have to occur at least once a day, and would require the ingestion of the entire blood supply! which could not happen as the stomach is far too small to hold that much liquid volume. Furthermore, such a mass would be difficult to pass thru the intestines as it has no fibrous bulk, would most likely create an intestinal impaction, and any "real" vampire would have to eventually expel the waste, which would come out as a black, tarry, smelly goo. The word "vampire" is defined as an undead monster that drains the blood of the living. These humans that affect the whole "vampiric lifestyle" are NOT vampires. They are simply humans playing their own little game, in their own little fantasy world. I too, play my own little game, in the SCA, but mine is a game where the deeds that I do are determined by the strength of my arm and sword - I am a warrior, with just as much skill and ability as any warrior of ancient times. The difference is that I am claiming to be something physically possible: a warrior, and I prove it everytime I strap on my armor and walk onto a SCA battlefield. The so-called "vampires" are claiming to be something physically impossible: a walking corpse, and all they prove is that black Victorian clothing, a pair of false fangs, and a little makeup make for a good Halloween costume - it does not make you a vampire.

Also, consider this: if a vampire has to (per my earlier example) feed at least once a day, and if this results in a new vampire every time (per the original legends) then the original vampire creates 365 offspring in just 1 year. The first one he creates then sires 364 more that year, and the second sires 363, and so on and so forth, do the math - almost a million vampires in the first year alone! Reproducing at an exponential rate, even with today's global population, they would totally convert every human on the planet in less than five year's time! (In 1 week's time alone that would be 35 vampires, and by the end of the 2nd week there would be 7 more for each of the 35, for a total of 245 plus another 34 for the new ones, or a grand total at the end of 14 days of 279 vampires!) This falls therefore, under the logic of Occam's Razor - which states that when you have removed every impossible answer, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. Since there is no "vampiric plague" swarming the earth, the logical deduction is that they don't exist.

Point of clarification about "vampire" bats: vampire is simply the name we have given them because they do drink blood, same as a flea, mosquito, or spider. Are these creatures vampires? No. They are living creatures, not legendary monsters. Drinking blood does not make you a vampire anymore than eating raw meat (steak tartare or sushi) makes you a werewolf.

Answer 2

Why would you want to?  Even assuming that they exist (which I'm pretty certain they don't), what do you expect to get out of it?  

There are people who quite seriously - and very misguidedly - believe themselves to be vampires, to the extent that they won't go out in sunlight, suffer light sensitivity, and genuinely want to drink the blood of a willing donor.  

Trawl through the websites frequented by these 'sanguinary' vampires - www.sanguinarius.org was one, although now seems to have closed - and post a few messages.  You may get someone who at least thinks that they're a vamp.  

And then, you are likely to wish that you'd never asked this question...

Answer 3

(shake the ball) Magic 8 saysssss....walk with a limp neck.  

Hold on, the 8 ball is jacked.

Magic 8 sayssssssss....My child, behold those wait until night and dress themselves in flour completely and wet their lips with ketchup attract the vamps the most, but beware of bums, hobos, and obese people out in the nightttt....

c**p.  One...more...time (shakes the ball)  My child...wait until you are 30 years old and are able to distinguish between fantasy and reality.  OOH, ahhh, it is very confusion, I know, but if you go to a thing called a the-ra-pist, they may cure you of these illusions with Zoloft, Prozac, however strong a medication you seriously need.  

Goodbye my child.  I have to finish off these 100 calories cookiessss -oooh,ahhhh...mmmmm...splendid.  

Answer 4

Instructions

Step1

Find another vampire and let him or her bite you. Employ the swiftest, easiest and most painful method.

Step2

Become an evildoer and die in a state of sin. Note, however, that this technique (which comes from France and Greece) is not very plausible; there would be millions of beasts roaming the streets as we speak.

Step3

Have an undead person gaze at your pregnant wife or yourself, if you happen to be expecting. Employing this method will not help you change into a vampire, but it may change your unborn into one.

Step4

Chronically lie to your parents or die without being baptized. (Note that these ways can't be very credible either.)

Step5

Instruct your father to scream this at you in anger: "May the ground reject thee!" Having yourself cursed in this or another way by your parents could turn you into a fanged one after death.

Step6

Gobble up a sheep that was killed by a wolf and eventually, you'll become a bloodsucker.

Step7

Travel back in time to the Greece of several centuries ago, where people who were excommunicated from the church were considered good vampire candidates.

Step8

Come down with chorea (a disease associated with uncontrolled twitching).

Step9

Ask your descendants to make a cat leap over your body when you've reached the hereafter.

Warnings

Remember not to smile too much once you've undergone your transformation. Be certain the unwitting aren't forewarned by your fangs.

Answer 5

Move to Forks

Answer 6

vampires dont exist.  dufus.

Answer 7

haahahah.people have no common sence.see a doctor:)

Answer 8

They're all at the AIDS clinic.

Answer 9

i would rather not have my neck ripped out by a vampire thanks

umm blood would def. do it and i would try around Halloween aka All Hallows Eve the time when demons break free from the underworld an walk upon the Earth or so i have heard

Answer 10

You can't. Vampires don't exist.

Answer 11

Get a tattoo on your neck: an X with "bite here". They will definitely notice.

Answer 12

What a friend of mine did was put a few drops of her blood into a small pendant and wore it at night. She says it works. I have no idea, but she's not a liar and I completely trust her. I would do the same, but I'm more interested in attracting the paranormal than vampires.

Answer 13

Are you in a hurry to die... For if you ran into one that is all that would happen to you... They can't change you into one nor can they do anything thing but butcher you and leave your body there to rot... so in the future please be wise as to what you wish for..... And please make the effort to find out what a vampire really is...........

Answer 14

YES VAMPiRES DO EXiST FOR ONE.BUT iM NOT SURE OF ANY WAYS TO ATTRACT THEM???SORRY!