How can I be a better mom?

Question

I don't know what it is. I am just constantly stressed. I feel like I am always yelling at them. I never know what to do with them so they can have fun. Why am I such a terrible mom?

I have 2 boys they are 1 and 4.

Answer 1

First of all, take a deeeeep breath and R-E-L-A-X!  You've got your hands full there I have to say, I've only got a 3yr old and that's hard enough.  Stop stressing about things, its really not good for you, or them.  So you get juice on the cushion covers - that you've just washed ... sticky fingers on the table that you've just polished, water all over the bathroom floor - things aren't going to be perfect, and you know what, it really doesn't matter!  Whats important are the memories you make 'cos thats what lasts forever ... we all lose our rag at times, it doesn't make you a terrible mom but just make sure there are plenty of smiles too.  Make time for them in between doing the things you have to get done.  Colour in together, bake cookies, get a bucket and play with water, read a book ... loads of things to do - just don't stress.  

Answer 2

Play a game with them

Answer 3

You're NOT terrible, obviously you care enough to look for advice.  I am the SAME way some days but my children are extremely strong willed.  My kids are 1.5 and 4!  So we are in the same boat.  I am learning everyday to be more and more patient.  I try to remind myself that I have so much to be grateful for and that I need to be more positive and tolerant of them.  I think you are trying to be too perfect, I try too!  I think OMG I am damaging them by yelling at them, but I don't verbally abuse them or physically abuse them. I think usually when people yell at their children it is accompanied with curses and belittling, if you are not doing that (which you probably are not) then it's not so bad.  When they get a little older you won't have to yell as much because they will understand consequences more.  Of course, I advise you to try to stay calm and collected for both you and your children's benefit, but don't be so hard on yourself, the guilt itself will make you want to yell more!

I don't know what activities you already do but I get my kids to play with playdoh together, I watch so that the little one doesn't eat it.

I let them take long baths with those colors that make the water colorful.

I let them run around outside with the sprinkler while I lay out in the sun.

I let them play with shaving cream in the empty tub.

I got that bop bag recently and they love punching that and are entertained for a while with that.

I also have them watch Noggin a few hours a day.

Answer 4

Yea, let the little things go if you can.  Just ignore, walk away, take deep breath, come back.

Sounds like you need a little time for yourself once in a while, if you can do that.

And please don't get into a spanking debate - you shouldn't even have brought up that comment.  

Answer 5

have you ever watched the show Super Nanny? She teaches parents that dont know how to control and/or entertain their kids build nurturing fun relationships. Its great stuff.

Spend time with them. Lots of time. Be patient. Make rules and enforce them. Kids want and NEED boundaries. No matter how much they scream the first few times, eventually it will get easier.

Answer 6

You really did not give us enough information to go with. Are you a stay at home mom? Do you never get anytime away from the kids? Even the best of moms get worn out and over stressed. If you are the primary caregiver you may just need a break. If you have a family friend/ spousee that can watch them once a week, take some time for yourself. I usually go get a pedicure. The warm water on my feet is so relaxing.

My boys love to color, fingerpaint, play with moon sand/play dough. Boys love to burn energy at the park or even just a walk around the neighborhood. I get the paper and look for free events. Every saturday the retired horse farm is open for kids to come feed the horses carrots or apples. The library has storytime. You can also look online for mommy club's that meet to do fun activities with the kids.

Sometimes as adults we are so busy trying to get adult things done, like cleaning the house or paying the bills, that we forget what childhood is about. It helps if you try to prioritize your activites. The fun things that you plan for your children will keep them happy and help them burn energy so that on the times that you are home and you need to get some chores out of the way they can play in their room or watch a movie.

You will be suprised at how fast they grow up and that you are going to want those years back. Try to live each day as if it was a blessing. Give your boys as much love and attention as you possibly can. Motherhood is very rewarding and exhausting at the same time. However, you have to try to keep the right attitude and never think you are a terrible mom.  

Answer 7

You're not a terrible mom.  Kids will push their limits at that age, especially if they're bored.  It can be very tiresome.

Getting out of the house - with the kids - always worked for me.  Parks, playgrounds, fast food restaurants with play places, a hike around the block  - any place they could run around and burn off some of their energy was a good way to pass the time for part of the day and help them relax when nap time came.  Creative activities like finger painting, play dough, or easy cooking projects were also a big hit.  Get together a couple of times a week with other moms and let the kids play together.  Talk to each other about what your kids are doing and how to handle the long stressful days.  Sharing the burden helps.

If you keep them entertained, they have less opportunity to test your patience.  

Answer 8

Wow!  Is the stress mostly from the kids behaviors, or is there one or more other things causing this turmoil.  Always shoot for 7-8 hours of sleep and go to bed at the same time each night whenever possible.  Your body will adapt to this cycle and thank you for it.  A clear head will help you think better.

If you can afford it get an outside of the home activity that gives you pleasure, and treat it as an appointment you cannot break.  You will be less likely to skip it.

go to a good parenting web site for support materials.  I use about.com and go to their parenting of pre-k's

If you have ???'s email me!

peace be with you,

Swimmerbabe

Answer 9

Try setting up a daily routine, and stick to the schedule. In the schedule incorporate some activity time every day. Coming up with ideas will be hard at first, but after awhile you'll be bursting with them. You can play games, make crafts, or go on field trips. It is important bonding time, and will help them be better behaved as well. Here are a couple of sites to give you some ideas.

familycrafts.com

funattic.com

preschoolrainbow.com

there are millions though. And never forget the classics like simon says, duck duck goose, or head and shoulders knees and toes. These may too much for your little one right now, but he'll grow into the tradition.

Good luck.

Answer 10

OK, don't listen to the answers that are going to say Spank or Beat their little asses with bealts, THAT IS A BIG NO NO! Spanking will completly destroy your realitionship with a child by making him fear you so much that even if he/she has a good reason to will never say no. Take them to the park, a reastaruant or the cinema. A swimming pool with diving boards can never fail but they are a little to yound for that.  

Answer 11

take a parenting class:) or sometimes you just have to let the little things go like if they spilled milk or mud in the house those are such little things to get upset about:) i used to be a costant yeller and now i like i want to remember laughing all the time not yelling so i have learned to really relax things can be replaced memories cant!

Answer 12

You've got a lot on you.  Both your kids are boys.  Little boys can be so rambunctious and full of energy.  One is barely out of the terrible two's and three's and the other is going into them soon.  And you've probably lost sleep over the last few years by being pregnant and uncomfortable, then once they were born having to get up with them at night to feed them or when they are sick or need a glass of water, and such.  Cut yourself some slack.  Is there a grandparent or neighbor who can watch them sometimes so you can have a day out (shopping, spa, etc.)?  Or just a day alone?  Maybe it's just stress and you need some "me" time.  That doesn't make you a bad parent at all..... :)