How can I be more assertive!?

Question

im way too nice and want to set standards. i dont want to be the girl everyone thinks they can walk over

Answer 1

Being assertive means that you deal with your problems and issues in a constructive way. You deal with others in a respectful manner and you expect respect in return. This is compared to passive people who let others take advantage of them and aggressive people who do what they want and don't really care how they get it. Another angle of assertive is to be motivated and use initiative, drive to get things going in your life.

So you should do all of the things above thats how to be ASSERTIVE

Answer 2

When someone does something offensive to you, address it in the following way:

1.  Describe the behavior that bothers you.  Don't go on a personal attack or judge the behavior.  It's not about the person, it's the behavior.  If you attack the other person verbally they will just go on the defensive and you've got an argument on your hands.

2.  Express how you feel about the situation.  Try avoiding words like angry, upset, or mad.  They're generic terms and secondary feelings.  You might be angry but you're angry because you feel insulted or jealous or sad or disrespected, etc.

3.  Make a request.  Request the behavior you'd prefer to see from the other person so you don't leave them guessing.  They may not know how to approach you.

It might look like this:  

"When you say things about me when I'm not around I feel sad and hurt.  I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me when you are upset with me instead of telling other people first."

Of course, just because you're assertive doesn't mean people will care and you'll always see change.  Some people just don't care about how they treat you.  But if you stick to describing the problem behavior and expressing your feelings you can be sure you've been assertive and usually avoid an argument.  Either the person did or didn't do the behavior you described.  If you're avoiding judgement and just talking about what actually happened, they usually can't argue that.  And people certainly can't argue how you feel about it.  

Good luck.

Answer 3

Be a star.. If people see you taking your stand and living your life and fufilling your dreams, they may be intimidated by you and not walk on you. But be warned, this does take a lot of responsibility and it is a challenge because not everyone may be on your side. But you know what you want and dont stop till you get it. Unless you have to compromise and even with that tell them you have to give it a night's rest before you get back to them.