How can I be more involved with my boyfriend's daughter?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend "Frank" for 3 and a half years. We've talked about getting married, but there's no official date yet. We both have children from previous relationships; my daughter is 10 and his daughter is 7. My daughter lives with us, and his daughter lives with her mom. "Frank" has his daughter every other weekend, and sometimes more in the summer.

My problem is that after being with "Frank" for almost 4 years, I barely know his daughter, or anyone else in his family for that matter. The weekends that he has his daughter, he almost always goes to his mom's cottage, about an hour from where we live. His mom has a house in the city, but she goes to the cottage on the weekends that Frank has his daughter. There has been a few times that Frank has brought his daughter to our house to hang out with me and my daughter, but those times are very rare.

Just last weekend, Frank and I got into a huge argument. I had made plans for the 4 of us - me Frank, and our daughters, to have a fun weekend, going to the carnival, the zoo, and other stuff. Two days before the weekend, Frank told me that he was bringing his daughter to the cottage again because he wanted to spend time with just her. I was so disappointed!! I asked him if he could spend time with "just her" another weekend, since I had planned a weekend for the four of us. He wouldn't budge, so needless to say, I am still angry with him.

I eventually plan on being married to this man, and that will make me a step mom to his daughter. I would like to know her before this happens! I don't think its right for him to spend most of his weekends with just her, I want us all to be a family. What can I say to make him understand?????

Answer 1

this man is rather selfish when it comes to his daughter, you need to make it clear that you too want to be part of his daughters life get to know her and do things that you normally would with your own daughter. Tell him in order to make your family a strong bond you both need to be part of his daughters life He cant keep running off to a cottage to spend time with her . Is there any other reason he cant/wont bring her back to yours ? Either way you don't want to spend the rest of your life being miserable , start asking questions now find out the reasons behind this then move forward . good luck .

Answer 2

I would seriously rethink this relationship.  

You are living with him, you have been involved for 3 1/2 years and are talking marriage and he won't let you spend much if any time with his daughter and you don't know his family?  What's up with that?  Something stinks here and if you don't figure out what it is before you marry him then it may be too late after you marry him.

When his daughter is not there, have a talk just you and him about why he won't bring his daughter around you more.  Tell him you would like to get to know her better and would like to do more girl things with her and your daughter and you would like to do more family type things with the 4 of you.  If he can't give you an answer that makes sense or if he says yes but then backs out then I honest to god (or the flying spaghetti bowl monster) swear you should NOT, absolutely NOT marry him and you should seriously reconsider living with him.

I mean it, you have something really funky going on here and I don't think you have enough information to make a good decision about this relationship yet (at least you haven't posted enough for an outsider to know if you do or not)

Answer 3

You need to explain to him that if you are talking about marraige then you would like to get to know your future step-daughter. And if he doesn't like the idea of you two together then you'll have to post-pon e the wedding for a while. Afterall you don't want a stranger for a step-daughter!!

Answer 4

If you're planning on being married to this man then you need to learn how to communicate with him.  You two need to sit down and talk.  Work out a way to blend your families as that's what you're going to have to do if you're getting married.  If he's resistant to the idea you may need to rethink your plans even if you really love him.

Answer 5

You eventually plan to be marry with him! You had to be kidding! First you complaint, then you realize he doesn't consider your presence important for his daughter and now you want to be a family with him.

Find your loose s***w woman before you make a mistake. Although, it is obvious the guy will never marry you. You can bet on that!