How can I be sure it's not for me, istead of for my daughter?

Question

I really want to homeschool my daughter (who is currently in a local pre-k program.) I am totally PRO-HS. I really don't see any negative effects of teaching your child at home, as long as you are a responsible adult. On the other hand, my mother recently pointed out that I'm probably considering homeschool because I have been in a "seperation anxiety" kind of phase since I found out I was pregnant 4 yrs ago. (I am an extreme worrier. When I look around at the way the world us, I just can't help it!)

I do live in a rural area. There's not a very large homeschool community as far as I have yet seen. AND, there is so few activities for children to become involved in. So, my mother is concerned that I'm sheltering her under the guise of providing a better education. She suggests that I let her go to public school, become actively involved at school when I can, and provide supplemental education to what she's already learning. I only want what's best for her. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

My mom tried that one on me too...it was just concern, but it really irked me.  We're starting our 4th year of homeschooling, and after spending time with my son this summer, she dropped the socialization/overprotective/ worry thing and admitted that I really am doing the best thing for him.  He's truly thriving, even though he's not in a room with 28 other 10yo's for 7-8 hours a day.  (Actually, he's probably thriving BECAUSE he's not in that room!)

Since she's already in a PreK program, it seems that your mom might be stretching things a bit.  If you truly had a problem letting go of your daughter, she wouldn't be in an outside program.

Does your mom understand what homeschooling really is?  There is a misconception that is very common, that homeschoolers sit at the kitchen table all day long, with the shades drawn, completely sequestered from the world.  So not true!

Do you go to the grocery store?  The library?  The bank?  The post office?  WalMart/Target/Shopko/whatever?   Unless you live in a cave, your daughter is getting real life experiences and social interaction.  Does she have playdates?  Church program?  Girl Scouts or something similar when she's older?  There's the other part of your social interaction.  Promise, she doesn't need to be in an age-segregated classroom all day long in order to learn social skills.  (That's just the biggest missile that anyone has to throw at homeschoolers, so they try to put all the emphasis on it they can.)

As many others have stated, she's YOUR daughter...your mom needs to be Grandma and stand by whatever decision you make.  Yes, she can give you her advice, and you should weigh it, but in the end the decision should be yours.  Homeschooling does not mean social ostracisization...it means that you have the final say over what your daughter learns, when, in what environment, and from whom.  It means that you can tailor her education and extracurricular involvement to her specific needs.  If you don't feel that the school can give you that, and if it's important to you, then that (in my opinion at least) is a good reason to homeschool.

(And honestly, if for some reason it doesn't work for her at some point down the line, the school is right there.)

Hope that helps - and good luck!

Answer 2

She's not your mother's child--she's yours! I don't mean to sound rude, but I mean that is the truth.

And who says once you start homeschooling you have to do it forever? You can always try it out and see how you like it.

Answer 3

Do not let your mother dictate how you will raise your child. Even we, answering this question, can only offer (hopefully) helpful suggestions. Ultimately the decision is up to you. In all honesty, the public school system is a scary place, for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that America's schools are way behind other well developed countries academically. It is entirely possible to socialize your child while homeschooling; you can take her to the park, where she can play with other children, she can join girl scouts, take swimming, dancing, softball or gymnastics lessons, and there are many homeschool support groups. Look up homeschool support groups online in your area. I realize you said you are in a rural area, but I'm sure there must be something availiable. There is also church, if you go to church, they have Sunday school and later, youth group. Just do not be afraid to encourage her to mingle with the other children instead of clinging to your skirts when she is in a place where she can meet other children.

Answer 4

The fact that you ended it with "I only want what's best for her" says to me that you want to homeschool her because you feel that it is best for her.

Living in a rural area doesn't mean your child's development will be hampered. She really doesn't need to be with kids a whole lot to do well. When she is going to be with others, you be a very good coach before hand so that she goes into the situation knowing how to be. There is also so much she can learn about interactions with others by interacting with you and you being a good model.

Your mother may well have tried to find any reason for you to not to do it because grandparents tend to be rather resistant to the idea.

Homeschooling should, imho, be the first of the educational options on the list to look at. If a family can't or just doesn't want to homeschool, then they can look at the alternatives: public, private, charter, etc. If this is something you are willing to do and are pretty sure you can do well, then do it. Be aware of your own shortcomings (we all have them) and make sure to counteract them as needed. You'll do fine. The fact that you worry will probably mean you'll hit every social opportunity that you can. ;)

Answer 5

Its normal to want to protect your daughter and its okay if you get something out of the homeschooling too.

As far as living in a Rural area, I am sure there are still churches, probably some scouts or brownies, etc.

Try googling homeschool and your county, and State.

You might find some on-line groups that although they communicate largely on-lone, get together on occasion too.

At any rate, I think your daughter will do fine homeschooling through Elementary at least.  As the teen years approach you should take your cue's from her, whether she feels she has enough friends and social interaction.  In K-6 an occasional play date will be fine.

Rural homeschooling can be a challenge, I live in a rural area too.  Despite that I have still managed to find other homeschoolers and organizations to be involved with.  Try really investigating before you assume opportunities don't exist.  And remember, people living 200 years ago often lived in rural settings with limited social contact, that didn't mean they all grew up socially inept.  In fact, manners and correct social behavior was definitely more common back then than it is now.  :-)

Answer 6

This question has been answered pretty well already so i won't repeat the answers as to why you should homeschool your daughter.  What I can say is if you  homeschool you will find people (and even your family) will make comments that can hurt sometimes because they feel inadequate in how they raised (or are raising) their children.  Both my own mom and my mother-in-law could say enough of how well I was doing with my daughter...before she turned 5...then when she was "school age" I started getting grief of whether I was able to teach her properly.  This is a child that could say her ABC's all the way thru before 18 months of age and could count to 100 before 3.   But all of the sudden because she turned 5 I suddenly wasn't equipped (in their opinions) Not that they would come out and say it but I got comments like how will she get along with other kids (socialization)?  Or "you are to over protective".  My mom was the mom that couldn't wait for summer to be over and get us back into school and then NEVER was involved in our education.  She makes comments to me now that she "was young" or didn't have an "instruction manual"  I could go on and on with the little comments that family as well as friends have made to me because it is different than they chose/choose and I feel that at least for some they feel guilty or inferior for not being as involved with their children education/lives.

I bet that there are more homeschoolers in your area than you realize and that you can find plenty of opportunity for your daughter to be well socialized.

I also wanted to point out that those that practice "attachment parenting" have more independent well adjusted kids than those that try to send them off "for their own good"

I am sure that your mother means well but it is your child and you know what's best...and you know that she will get a better education when it is one on one or in a small co-op group than in a classroom full of kids.

Best Wishes for you and your daughter

Answer 7

If you feel the tug to homeschool then do so.  Being in public school does not guarantee one's child may be more active.  I live in a rural area as well.  But I can guarantee my daughter is involved in various activities.  Its all what you make it.  Your mom has raised her kids.  Do what you feel is right.  Dont let the socialization myth detract you from what you want to do.

Answer 8

tFrankly I think it depends on the child. I have 3 children and my first son was popular at school and never had any problems but my second son was picked on a lot and my daughter was very emotional and school wasn't easy for her either. The thing is with all respect to your mother...your child is YOUR child and you have to do what you think is best for her as she did with you. I have known children who were home schooled and had a lot of friends through other activities such as sport or music or dancing classes etc. A teacher once told me that children needed to be at school to socialize them into society and I responded that a threatening, bully filled society was not something I wanted my child to associate with or emulate. And one on one teaching has to be infinitely better than being given the partial attention of a teacher who has her hands full with a myriad of kids with ADHD or who are under or over achievers. Do what you think is right for your daughter and you and encourage your Mom to support you. Good luck!

Answer 9

I agree with photome.

Do what YOU want to do, not what other people want you to do.

I would say socialization at a very young age is more important than when they are older, in my opinion, so you might want to try to find some type of place where she can play with other kids.

Just don't believe the public school activists that use socialization as their only weapon against homeschoolers.

Answer 10

I think you should definitely soul search and ask yourself WHY you REALLY want to homeschool your daughter.  I think you should let her go to public school since you live in a rural area and there are not alot of activities for kids.  Socialization skills need to be developed and worked on.  If you keep her sheltered, when its time for her to enter the world on her own and interact with peers, she'll be at a lost.  For pre-school, if you need to have her home with you, fine, no big deal, but kinder and so on it is important that she get to interact, learn, and relate to her peers so she can be a productive, confident adult.

Answer 11

I say follow your heart, i was homeschooled in a rural area and am now a successful professional and still have 2 life-long friends (1 homeschooled 1 not) that i met during that time.  We were involved in all kinds of things, boy scouts, 4H things that just aren't available in a city area.

Answer 12

start out with public school and getting more involved. see how your daughter does after a year or two and then make a decision. it could be difficult to get her involved in social activities in rural areas...esp. if she's an only child.

you could also home school her during the summer to fill in the gaps the public schools are full of.

Answer 13

Different parents feel different on this subject. YOU have to decide whats right for you and your child. Personally I feel its best for my child to go to school. Im  very over protective and worrisome too. But  I feel he needs that time away to grow within himself and to socialize with other children. I feel if he stayed home with me, he would not get what he needs out of his childhood experiences to be able to handle himself in the real world later on . Like: having a job with other employees and a boss.-how to solve problems....again, socializing. Also relationships......meeting and dating...The list goes on. My solution is my child goes to private school (a small one) I am very involved and volunteer alot, so therefore iam still able to know how he is. I now know most kids at the school and all the staff. Its perfect for us! good-luck

Answer 14

Do a little research on the pros and if you can find them, cons. Larry Shyer has some good articles about socialization. He started out to prove that homeschooling was not a good thing and ended up doing the opposite. Check out this article and google his name for more. http://learninfreedom.org/socialization....

My kids interact with all kinds and ages of people each day! Not segregated into there own age for 8 or more hours being told when they can speak or even go to the bathroom.

Good luck whatever you decide.