How can I believe I am not a disappointment to my Father

Question

My Father passed away 3 years ago in a week. The thing is that he always wanted to see me married with a house and children. I didn't achieve this before he died, even though I had a wonderful partner and a flat I had bought. I now have a house and am engaged to be married, but I feel like he died unhappy that I did not have these things at the time (I was in my early 40's). I tell myself that I had to do things in my time when they were right for me, not for him, but I still feel like I let him down. He was not a hard or mean person, he just wanted me to be happy and saw that these were what made him happy and just wanted the same for me. Sometimes I imagine he is walking in my front gate and that I am showing him the garden (he loves gardening) and that he is advising me what to do with the plants. It gives me comfort, but I still feel sad that I was a disappointment.

Answer 1

If you're happy, then he'll definitely be happy!

even if you didnt do what he wanted when he was there, you are now doing what he always dreamed of! so he will be happy

dont worry and hope you have a great wedding!

Answer 2

whether you ever achieve those things he wanted or not, he will always be just simply happy with you the way your are. Yes i understand why you feel that way and why you wanted to do that for him, but the only thing that matters is that you are happy and that will make him happy, it does not really matter if you made it to that point then or not

Answer 3

See I don't think he cares when you get it done, he just hopes that one day it happens to you but no matter what he just wants you to be happy. You have to take things at your own pace and it's not like you can snap your fingers and be like okay, got my house, my kids and a husband. I'm sure he wouldn't have even cared too much if it didn't happen if you were perfectly happy with yourself. He would understand I'm sure, so don't feel guilty, he just wanted was was best for you, like all parents generally.

Edit: Plus I bet if you had all the things he wanted you to have, but they made you UNhappy for some reason he wouldn't have been happy because you would have been unhappy.

Answer 4

Same happened to my dad. He died and my sister-in-law had a miscarriage at about the same time. He never got to meet half his grandchildren. Had he chosen to get a second opinion as he was urged to do about his heart problem, the outcome may have been different. You can pin the problem on anyone you want. The fact is that most people can remain around a lot longer than they do if they eat right, exercise etc. People are always going to die before some good things happen and after other good things happen. Some grandparents get to see their grandchildren go off to college, get married and have children and others don't. It's just the way nature works.  

Answer 5

If that had hapened to me, I'd think, as long as its done...Its cool.

Im a Christian so I believe, hes in heaven watching over you, and he is seeing what he wants to see...Sorry for you lose.

Answer 6

you can't live your life for your parents you have to live life for yourself, your father will be happy with whatever decision you are happy with

Answer 7

Live your life. DO not feel guilt. He would not want that.

Answer 8

Your not a disappointment to him. He loved you and if you are happy then that makes him happy. I think that when people die, they somehow know what is going on. I don't think they are around us all the time but I think they are close by. If you ever have children, he will know it and then he will be happy for you so your chance of making him happy has not passed. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

You were not a disappointment to your Dad. He just wanted to see you happy (his idea of happiness). Remember he is looking down from heaven and he has always been so proud of you. He probably is helping you with the gardening. Say a little prayer right now and thank God that you had him for a father. He was a good one and you know it.

Answer 10

Should of got hitched instead of wasting years shacked up.

Answer 11

You're not a disappointment. For sure, your father will understand you. Of course he only wants the best for you that's why he wanted to see you married before he die to be sure that even though he's already gone you won't be in solitude for a long time because someone or somebody is there to comfort you. Besides, you only take that long before getting married to be sure if you really love the lucky guy so that you will have a long lasting relationship and a family that will last and not getting divorced in the end. Your father will surely understand that.

Answer 12

Your father saw that you were on your way to achieving what he hoped for. I think you are the disappointed one, that he died before you could show him all the lovely things that would have made both of you happy. Peace.

Answer 13

You should not think this, it sounds like he was a good man and father who would not want you to think these bad thoughts of him! he would be proud and most happy that you did things in order and in your time..happiness is what he wanted for you..I am sure as he  looks upon the gardens, he also sees that you are okay and happy..Is that not what he wanted most for you? And so you have it and he sees it..And if it NEVER came he would not be dissapointed in you, he would be dissapointed in the factt hat he wanted you to have what made him so happy..And that was a marriage and you!!!! SO you think good of him and he can be a peace....And so life goes on from him to you...let it enrich your sole that you had someone who wanted only what he thought was best.many people are never so lucky!

Answer 14

I'm sure your dad loved you very much, and all he wanted was for you to be happy. I don't think it mattered to him whether you got married when he was still alive or now. I'm sure he will be looking down on you, with a big smile on his face, and be happy, that you did find someone now, to spend the rest of your life with and to have children with. Just be happy and don't feel like you were a disappointment, because I'm sure he didn't feel you were!

Answer 15

I feel for you, but if he truly wanted you to be happy then i'm sure he is more than glad with your engagement and bright future.

You father was supportive and you should feel no greif, only the pain of his lost presence.

Believe that life does not end here, somewhere in heaven he is smiling down on you, and praying for your happines and wellbeing.

Your dad loved you, never forget that, he always will...

Answer 16

Well, if your a Christian, pray to him and talk to him about it. Try and acheive more in life, he's not gone, he's just not alive. He's always watching you, in a good and happy way, and he'll be proud of you. :)

Answer 17

What makes you think he can't see you now and what you've achieved already?

I'm not sure if you believe in the afterlife but maybe you should think about it for a second. I'm sure he's seen what you've done so far and smiles on you and your accomplishments. Do you really know that he was 'disappointed' in you or is that your reasoning?

I'm positive you're being hard on yourself unnecessarily and just wish that you could've shown him (while he was alive) that you wanted the same things he did just at your own pace.  

Answer 18

You can't live your life according to what your Father wants.  Why marry someone you don't love just because your father wanted to see you married? Then he would have seen you unhappy as a result.

Keep talking to him in the garden and find comfort there. And a woman is not a disappointment just because she isn't married. I'm sure your Dad saw all your wonderful talents and was very proud of you.

You being married was important to him because he was of another

generation that believed all women should be married with children.

Be happy. I'm sure he knows you are happy now.

Answer 19

if he treats u like a disapoint mennt kick him in the nuts show him what your made of

Answer 20

OH CHILD, NO YOU WERE NOT.  He may not have agreed with your choices, but he was proud of you.  How can I possibly know this,,,, because I'm a dad of a wonderful, spirited, do it her own way lovely daughter.  She may not make the same choices I would, but I'm proud of her courage, and her ability to not settle because other people think she should.

I'll bet your Dad was just the same.  I also bet, you Dad was a man who would speak his mind,,,, and if he was disappointed in you, you would not need to be asking now.  

A dad's love is like crab grass,,,, it's always there, entertwinned around everything else you can plant or try to plant.  You can even try to weed out his love,,,, but it will come back to you,,, persistant, constant, and hearty.  

Your dad must have been very proud of you, because he raised a daughter who not only gardens,,,, but can place the feelings of others before hers.......

How wonderful you are.

Answer 21

Well, you might have not done those things on time but it doesn't matter.  Your father is in a great place right now and is probably very proud of you. Don't think that he is disappointed in you, he is your father and he will never think that no matter what you do.  He would want you to be happy and not to feel bad about yourself or let anything get you down.  You have to believe in yourself and try not to be disappointed. Sometimes things can't turn out the way you want them to be and that's not your fault , but you always have to look forward into the future and try your best. The past is the past. I'm sure you will have a bright future. Hope that helps :)

Answer 22

just think/ imagine somehow he can still see from the top or from heaven and he is watching over and so proud of what you have accomplished

Answer 23

Sweetheart you did not disappoint your father. He see's everything you have and everything you do. I bet he visits you in your garden all the time and is so proud of you and all you have done!  

Answer 24

I believe he loved you so much that he wanted to see you happy and furtunate. I'm here to say you don't have to feel sad at all because first of all you couldn't foresee the future and secondly I'm sure he knows you are happy with your life and know what you want. He may understand you better as he's able to see things he wouldn't able to see when he was alive.

Cheers

Answer 25

You shouldn't feel that way. Best believe that your father is looking down on you right now. Didn't you know that your father is the one who sent this man to you? He knows. And he is VERY happy.