Question:

How can I better this poem?

by  |  earlier

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The Station

From the distance,

they looked like shapes

shifting and gliding on a wet lit street,

waiting to trip and fall against each other when the doors opened up.

I took the outside seat, my moldy bag in the other,

so as not to draw attention.

The tall ones slithered into their places,

pin straight strands tracing the faces and figures

of suburban youth.

Stocky ones hurriedly found their spots,

And plump, matronly ones did their inspections

before settling down.

I was finally forced to the window

as an hourglass approached

with the vigor of a runway walk.

My pile of mold saturated in expensive perfume.

I tried to tell myself that we’re all just shapes,

colors and contours moving like fleshy sieves across the transom of the world,

and that beauty was perhaps applicable to something else-

Maybe a lucid cameo in the glass, beneath an incandescent shower,

with a draped pearl necklace of strung bridge lights.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. I really like it the way it is. Great visuals. And unlike a lot of modern poetry, I actually understand what the heck it's talking about. :)


  2. it's nicely worded. have a lot of metaphors.i wouldn't change a thing  

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