How can I break off an affair?

Question

I am married to a man I love. I'm not sure how it happened but I have been having s*x with another man for 2 and a half years now. We are very discreet and I'm sure my husband doesn't know. My husband has not been interested or able to have s*x for the past 5 years due to cancer. My self-esteem is very very low because of this and the guilt is horrible because I do love my husband. What kind of woman would have an affair when her husband has cancer? I need to end this for my own sanity and I do not know what to do. I want to be there for my husband and do not want to lie or cheat any more.

Answer 1

Ummm...you break off an affair by refusing to see the guy anymore...it's that simple. No offense if you really loved your husband you wouldn't be sleeping around on him for 2 1/2 years, especially when he needs you to be there for him while he's fighting cancer. I'm sure it's hard emotionally for you, but it's just as hard for him I'm sure. That's what being married is, sticking together during the rough times. It really seems to be a little selfish that you want to end the affair because of your own sanity and guilt, not because you love your husband. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Answer 2

i hope this eats at you for the rest of your life. just because your husband cant have s*x does not mean you go s***w some other guy for your own personal pleasure. how would you feel if your husband did this to you? i hope you feel horrible everyday for the rest of your life, what you are doing is terrible

Answer 3

Dont worry about what everyone else is saying, your not evil! I think the general concensus is end it now, and dont tell your husband. If you do it WILL crush him.

You are only human dont let guilt crush you.

Sam

Answer 4

i understand. even if you love your lover, your husband is the first priority. you seem fully aware of this and i completely feel for you. however, i don't think you should tell your husband. as a woman knows, some things are better left to yourself. you've learned your lesson, it took you a while but you did. its ok to feel guilty but all you can do now is make it right. your husband doesn't need anymore stress or heartache due to his illness. tell this lover the story you told us and delete all contact with him. erase even ways and people that can get you back in contact with him. it's going to be hard but you can do it. look at the long run and whats really important. then you can have a better life with the man you trully love and eventually learn to forgive yourself. everything'll be alright mama.

Answer 5

i am a hospice volunteer and believe it or not, i have seen this happen many times and it is always very sad.

what kind of person does it? someone who is exhausted by being a caregiver, someone who is trying to lkessen the pain of a probably loss, someone who wants to escape from the nightmare they find themselves in. I am not saying it is right, because i believe the ultimate test of character is how you respond to difficulty, but i do understand in a sense.

end the affair and see a therapist. your loyalty lies with your husband. life is very short. i do not want to be cruel, but your time with your husband could be much more limited than you know. imagine if his final years were consumed by his knowledge of your betrayal? how will you live the rest of your life with that guilt?

IMO - do not tell your husband even though most of the time i think people should confess - stress could cause the cancer to come back or hurt his recovery. the penalty to you is your conscience. learn to live with it.

Answer 6

Tell the guy this exact story.  It's valid and good.  He'll handle it and go away.  Just break off all communication with him when it's done.

Answer 7

A very simple answer:

You should have never done what you did in the first place. That's your own fault and if you loved him as much as you said, then this is a bad way of showing it. Weather he knows or not, you knew what you were doing. Your in this on your own, and maybe you will gain forgiveness from him. BTW, I hope you two didn't have any kids because if this is whats happening now, think of how they will feel, and to put more pressure on it, what the husband is going through. You need serious help Hun. And I have no remorse for you.

Answer 8

Wow, this one can go either way.  Have you talked to your husband about your needs and what he thinks you should do for yourself because he can not perform?  I have a friend that was hurt in a boating accident and can no longer walk or perform, he told his wife that he knows she has her needs that he can't meet, but they still have a bit of fun together, ORAL FUN.  

Answer 9

just stop the affair but don't tell him cause he'll be crushed because not only you have low self-esteem he does too. a man likes to have power and likes to feel like a man and if he can't have s*x he must be depressed

Answer 10

Just end it with the other person, and if he asks why, unless you want to explain you don't even owe him a reason.  You have been lonely and your husband was not able, and your only human.  Being a caregiver is hard work and will stress you out quicker than anything.  People make mistakes and you've learned from yours.    

Answer 11

Jump off a cliff. The world is a better place without scandoulous, cheating women like yourself. The man has cancer for christ sakes

Answer 12

Be honest with your husband. Come clean. Tell him the affair is over, that you beg for his forgiveness. He may or may not forgive you. You can not start the relationship anew without coming clean.